I haven't really been supportive of you either. Sometimes it is all I can to get out of bed, especially lately. The really, really bad part of this is that my kids are coming for the whole summer and how things go will determine where they live this fall. I want them here. But at the same time, it requires me to slap on that happy face and I'm reaching the point where I am not sure I can do that.
Keep hanging in there too. Love you too. And lots of hugs.View Thread
For those of you not in the know, in Feb I had an "inncident" where I had a very abrupt change in vision and total loss of equilibrium. My vision was like having crossed your eyes and the residual pain that comes if you do it too long. The left eye has improved, but the right eye? Nope. So I walk around everyday with the right eye closed and the left one open. It means injuries from bumping into things. Has caused me to fall lots of times.
ER doc, hospital neuro, primary care and gen practitioner in the hospital and follow up with pc all said it is conversion disorder which is basically a form of dissociation excepts it manifests in physical form. I was discharged with my right eye exactly as it is now. Pdoc says it is NOT conversion disorder. Had to fight with pc to get referrals to neuro and opthamologist. Op says nothing wrong with eye but the nerves aren't communicating with the brain properly. Apparently my eye isn't tracking properly thus the distorted vision. He deferred to neuro. Neuro put me through MRA, MRV. All inconclusive. Blood work indicates 2 markers out of 13 for lyme disease but I've never been bitten by a tick in my life.
So on the 17th I am having a spinal tap done followed by an infectious disease doc and I have to see a neuro-opthamologist. Still no freaking answers and just test after test after test. It's been nearly 3 months like this. For a long while I was motivated to find answers. Then I hit a period of apathy. I just didn't care. And now? The depression is setting in. I can feel other things declining.. I'm scared and I wish they would just figure it out. Or at least tell me this is as good as it gets so I can prepare everyone and stop putting a happy face on and pretending it's all like a sprained finger or something. It's not. I'm tired of being half blind, of not being able to go from light to dark of having my computer turned up to 5x the size font I normally use. Tired of almost hitting my husband and kids when they approach me on my blind side.
I want to not feel horrible all of the time and tired of trying to remain positive. I can't do it anymore.View Thread
2) You're the third best thing to ever happen to me. (ds1 and ds2 come first...yes I am evil)
3) The little devil on my shoulder says I should marry you.
4) You're like a dog, you sneak in, sit down, release an SBD and watch the aftermath.
5) Ok, tell the bro-mance / other woman (long long story) that your WIFE needs your attention.
6) Not kissing you until you brush your teeth.
7) Thank you for being so good to the boys. They love you so much (this after his birthday card from them that was sappy and so loving and out of character for both of them....so much so that it made him cry.).
I'll love you no matter what.
9) Promise me that if this is permanent that you'll hold it together when I fall apart and you'll not leave. (reference to my undetermined vision problems). I need you please.View Thread
And yesterday, I throw on these comfy denim shorts. You know the kind, all washed out, hem a little stringy. But hey, they're comfie!!! Hubs hates them. So we go to the grocery and I keep feeling like my zipper is open. Keep checking. No, it's up. So I right it off and keep on shopping. Tshirt was a normal waist length so didn't hang over the shorts at all. We get home and AFTER I put all the groceries away, still checking the zipper, need to pee. So I go in the bathroom and realize that my zipper was not the problem. Just to the left, the denim tore. Literally from the waist to my bikini line. And I didn't feel like fishing for panties when I pulled them on, so I was commando. All I could think was "OMG! We ran into a couple people from the labor pool, a neighbor, and God only knows who else got a good peek a boo look at my cooter."View Thread
The chicken noises. ROFL I love to embarass the kids. We had season passes to Busch Gardens last year and so did the boys. We're walking through the park and ds1 was goign the whole "I'm too cool to be walking with mom" routine. There was some tribal music playing, so I just stopped suddenly and turned to face ds1 and started to dance, trying to imitate an African dance. He turns bright red. Fire truck red. Yells "OMG I don't know you!" But I kept staying in front of him. Ds2 is dying laughing. When I finally got tired, ds2 asks me "Mom, did you do that because L ( a female friend of ds1's) was across from us?" I died laughing. I hadn't even seen her.View Thread
Denny's. That reminds me. Hubs and I went there one night. We're sitting there eating and he gets up to go to the restroom. They seated this couple behind us. They chit chat, but I wasn't really paying attention until he asked the waitress, "What's the limited on the UNLIMITED pancake special?" The gf and I bust out laughing. The server goes, "Ummm...there is NO limited. That's what unlimited means." And I couldn't help it. I turned around and went "SERIOUSLY?" You could tell by the guys face he'd been asking what he felt was a legit question.View Thread