Okay, so, I have a nagging mental condition. I have been diagnosed bipolar however, I feel that is a drop in the bucket. I have a severe depressive disorder, where I procrastinate everything, am addicted to all kinds of bad habits, constantly fatigued, lazy and unmotivated when I have every reason to be motivated, have problems with addiction, obsessive, wont get off the couch sometimes even to take care of bathroom responsibilities, cast away acts of responsibilties to the wind, but have every desire to change all of the above, and no motivation to put plan to foot. My family thinks I may have thyroid disorder, ADHD, or some other disease. My blood tests show inconclusive on thyroid disorder, I dont have a problem paying attention. I pay too much attention in most cases. I recently found and lost the love of my life in a psychology professor, and upon telling her about having a cocaine addiction because it brought me clarity of thought, she also thought I might have ADHD. I have talked to so many doctors, and so many people about trying to resolve the issues, I find myself more lost and out of control. I have been prescribed meds down the list, Prozac, Celexa, Welbutrin, Abilify, Seroquil, etc.. Nothing seems to help. I need a firecracker under my butt, and not sure how to find it. Is it so obvious that it is ADHD or am I just seeking that it be something to put an answer to it? I have come to the point where I would volunteer at a university to be a test subject. I guess in some areas, I noticed that I do have problems somewhat with attention.. When I was a child, I loathed doing homework. I was always a GREAT test taker. Did the work in the class.. but when I went home, didnt do anything but play. Reading, I would have to typically re-read everything. I am a speed reader, but couldnt retain the knowledge of everything I read. And especially lately, I am bored with many things I shouldnt be bored with. I have been labeled as over analytical. I put too much focus on things, and not enough on others. I have a hard time finishing tasks I start. I understand music and musical progression better than most, but yet cant train myself to understand every facet of chord theory and how to play it in sync with a mathematical certainty because I feel that music has to have more depth than just practice put to an organized conclusiveness. I play cards, and can understand the math of probability better than most, if not all, of the people I play with or against, but cant achieve all of the time because of over analysis and stubborness. I can continue on and on, I can type really fast, have racing thoughts more often than not. Have a hard time handwriting things out because I think too fast and dont write fast enough to capture my thoughtsView Thread
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