PLHIV- FACING YOUR DEATH "I could not see anymore the bright future ahead of me anymore. The only future I see is death." My vision suddenly darkened when I heard from the doctor that I had HIV. I cried the time he had given me the bad news. That was the darkest part of my life, well, maybe that was just next to my father's death. I froze. I did not even know what to do. "I will commit suicide", I said. That was the first thing that came out from my mind. I remembered my family. I had changed my mind. It was the time that I realized that I was already facing death. We are facing death everyday until we die.
I am a Filipino, 21 years old living in a poor city in Cebu, Philippines. I am taking up Bachelor of Science in Customs Administration. I have so many dreams in life but all of them are just falling down right in front of me. I want to graduate, to be a licensed customs broker, to be an employee in the Bureau of Customs or even to be a teacher in the university I will be graduating from, someday if there is someday. Thinking of my dreams is just so heavenly but the moment I think about my disease, all of those dreams are just nonsense-useless because I am dying. That is all what I am thinking about.
I was diagnosed with HIV just this July 2013. I, together with my closest friend, went to a center that provided free service for testing. Unfortunately, we both received a positive result. We cried to each other's unfortunate life. That was not the first time I got tested. I was tested last March 2013 and the result said I was negative. I did test in March since I felt strange in my body. Before I felt strange, I had unprotected sex with 3 different bisexual men in February 2013. One to two weeks after the intercourse, I felt like I was having flu-like symptoms but without a fever that lasted for a month. I always felt tired all the time. My head was aching. I had backaches, fatigue, chills, etc. which lasted for a month. I was suffering from general illness. I really thought I still carry the virus since I still felt so sickly so I decided to take another test in July. That was the month that had changed my life forever. I keep on asking now if I should have to continue pursuing my studies since I already got infected. Can I live longer like 10 years or 20 years? I do not know the answer. Only God knows.
My story is to be continued next time. If you are newly diagnosed positive for HIV or had it for quite long time, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org . Let us learn from our mistakes.View Thread