Currently there is no cure for HIV, and given the nature of the virus developing one is going to be very difficult. It's pretty much impossible to "cure" viral diseases. Most viral diseases, like colds and the flu, just have to be ridden out until the body cleans them out on their own. Other more serious viruses are treated the same way, except that we have in many cases found ways to keep the patient stable until the virus runs its course. For other viruses, we have developed vaccines that prime the immune system to fight off the virus if it ever enters the body so that it doesn't have the chance to cause harm.
Smallpox and polio once killed or crippled millions of people until the discovery of vaccines to prevent them. That didn't help the people who already had the viruses, but it meant that future generations never really needed to worry about it.
Because of how quickly HIV mutates and the fact that it targets the immune system itself, a vaccine is going to be very hard to develop - although there are attempts underway.
Right now, the best way we have of dealing with HIV is to treat it with medication, to keep the virus from overreproducing itself, and thereby keep it from destroying the immune system.
However, the difference between smallpox and polio on the one hand and HIV on the other is that HIV is 100% preventable.
Accidents do happen, and to err is human, but if everyone learned how to protect themselves against catching or transmitting HIV and acted accordingly, we wouldn't NEED a vaccine or a cure.
No, it is absolutely not possible that you could be at risk from HIV from this.
First, you have no reason to assume your friend has HIV to begin with. Moreover, people do not generally cough up blood unless they are extremely sick. Finally, even if you did have a bloody nose earlier that day the fact that your nose stopped bleeding indicates that any opening in the blood vessels had long since closed. I don't think we need to go into the severe unlikelihood that any blood from her lungs would end up in your nose in the first place.
HIV is primarily transmitted by unprotected sexual intercourse and sharing IV needles. You use condoms for sex, and your discomfort around marijuana suggests that you are not using harder drugs where IV use would be an issue. Therefore, I can say that you have no reason to be worried about HIV.
First things first, with regard to your own status, an HIV test now (at 3 months since the last encounter) will be conclusive. You don't have to wait 6 months: HIV antibody tests are conclusive at 90 days/3 months.
As for your relationship with this HIV-positive man, there is no physical reason why you should let his sero-status get in the way of your happiness together.
He is presumably on medication and under the care of a doctor. Responsibly following his medication regimen should keep his viral load as low as possible. This, combined with responsible condom use, would allow you both to be physically intimate without putting you at risk. You have said that you don't wish or plan to have children, but even if you change your mind there are ways to make that happen.
It's fear that is holding you back here, and that fear is really groundless. You love him, he loves you; that's a lot to build on. Go for it!
There has only ever been one documented case of HIV transmission by kissing, and both parties involved had severe gum disease.
Your mouth was cut up and bloody because you had just gotten hit with a soccer ball; how likely is it that this woman would also have an open bleeding wound in her mouth? Not very. Moreover, even if she did, you said it wasn't an open, deep kiss. Finally, however "wild" she may be, that does not mean she has HIV or any other STD.
Your risk in this encounter is for all intents and purposes nil. No testing is necessary, and you CERTAINLY don't need post-exposure prophylaxis (not that anyone would prescribe it for an encounter like this).
I think your best course of action is to forget about it. You were not at risk, and neither are your wife and kids.
It seems like you might have some lingering sense of guilt over this kiss with a woman who isn't your wife, but as you said the encounter was totally innocent and nothing to get hung up on.
You are correct that a mere 2 days of acute HIV infection symptoms is too short. When these symptoms occur, they look and feel just like the flu and behave like it, too: lasting a week or two before going away.
HIV cannot be diagnosed by symptoms and symptoms are of no help in determining risk. This is because people can be infected and not have symptoms and, more often, people can have symptoms and not be infected.
Since you did have unprotected sex with a person whose status is unknown, then that is a potential risk and so testing would be in order. However, HIV is not easy to transmit and you don't know that your partner even had the virus to begin with.
I would not worry about these symptoms, but I would recommend getting tested on or after June 6 for a preliminary result that might give you some peace of mind. A test on or after August 5 will be conclusive.
To answer your question, none of these activities poses a risk for HIV and thus there is no need to get tested.
I would like to comment, though, that it seems like you are letting yourself be ruled by fear. While HIV is a scary virus, it is 100% preventable and is not as easy to transmit as many people fear.
Each person has their own unique boundaries and limits of what they like and what they are interested in and what they will or will not do sexually. When those boundaries are determined rationally and deliberately, they are the one of the most important parts of a healthy and integrated sex life; when they are reflexes determined solely by fear, however, they are unhealthy.
One way to determine healthy boundaries is to educate yourself on what is and is not risky for disease. Oral sex, for example, is an extremely low risk activity (common sense, of course applies - don't perform oral sex if you have a cut or open sore in your mouth, for example). Stimulation of the anus with a finger is safe. Anal intercourse is dangerous only if a condom is not used or if a condom is used incorrectly. Mutual masturbation, however, is another perfectly safe activity.
You have no need to conftinue worrying about the activities you have described because they are not risky or causes for alarm. I hope that you can allow yourself to decide whether you enjoy these activities or not based on their own merits, and not based on your fears of HIV.