Fact: your post is not helpful at all to anyone because it is incredibly self righteous and very, very judgmental. Who are you to judge and even label other human beings like that? Our society is homophobic enough, the last thing it needs is a gay man preaching black and white sexuality to the rest of the world based on someone cheating.
Even though I agree with you that any sexual relationship with another (same sex or opposite sex) is not very skillful if it violates the covenant of a marriage, it still does not give you ANY right to pass judgement on StPeteBob , let alone ANYONE ELSE on this board. Navigating the waters of sexuality in a country as homophobic as America is tough enough without the likes of you coming along, and preaching some lie about boxing people into some prejudice labels.
Human sexuality is NOT a black and white thing where there is a "straight" box and a "gay" box. Just because StPeteBob has had a side fling with a man doesn't make him gay.
StPeteBob, the best advice in this situation is for you to work this through with your wife with full honesty and an open heart, and let the chips fall where they may. There is nothing wrong with same sex attractions, and they can actually be an exciting part of a heterosexual marriage, but only if you are truthful with your wife about it. If your wife can't accept that you have same sex attractions, then you have another issue, but at least you need to agree on the right boundaries.
Having any sorts of sexual relations with another, be it male of female is cheating if you have a covenant with your wife that says you don't have sexual relations with others, even if that didn't explicitly call out same sex relationships. But no one has the right to pass judgement on you if you choose to cheat. That is in between you and your heart. In all cases, forgiveness is the soundest path towards healing.
Given that our society is slowly becoming more liberated, and the images of perfect and beautiful male bodies proliferate in the media, the number of "straight men" (if there even is such a thing) having bi-curious interests are on the rise. There was a recent survey in a famous Hollywood magazine where 90% of heterosexual men responded that they would consider sleeping with Brad Pitt. The right answer for married men is to talk to their wives about their feelings. It can be fun, and if you absolutely have to have a man too, then make sure it fits within the covenant of your marriage before you go to hurt your partner.
I am straight, my wife and I talk about same sex attractions openly, (yes, there are plenty of hot guys out there) we are keen supporters of gay rights, but we are also keen supporters of liberating human sexuality from the homophobic, puritanical prejudices of American Society coming from BOTH the straight and the gay side.
I commend the users on this board, and I hope that judgmental posts like these don't deter you from continuing your journey into fully accepting who you are, and having your wives accept you that way too.View Thread