Let me start by saying that I am not sure of the best place to ask the following so please forgive me if you feel I am in the wrong group. I mean no offense or ill will.
I am a 41 year old attractive woman who has been dating a much younger man 22 for almost two years now. We have up until recently been amazing together - personally and sexually. I never planned on this relationship that is for sure. At times it has been a challenge but 98% of the time I don't see a "boy" as some call it - we have taught each other so much and honestly I believe that if the roles were reversed and he was 41 and I 22 - not nearly as much grief would be dished out.
Here is the issue and I need and can only ask men this in seeking advice, understanding and hopefully help.
In January of this year my fiance and I were not living together due to circumstances beyond control. Our apartment would not be ready until mid-May. My fiance mentioned that a friend of his asked him about going to the hot tubs (this friend of his is a 34 year old man), I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. (let me say I am neither for or against same sex relationships - have been around them my entire life, but I am old fashion as some would say when for me it is male/women relationships) He agreed with me, but in the end made plans to go to the hot tubs with this guy. My fiance made a comment about having to swing by his place to get shorts and the man suggested going naked.
They went to the hot tubs. I found out that they were both naked, and this man was massaging my fiance's feet, back, legs and according to my fiance this man grabbed onto his erection as this was his first time in a hot tub and stroked him a couple times prior to my fiance moving his hand from his penis. I also learned that while this man also hard was rubbing my fiance's shoulders described about his rod riding my fiances crack.
Here is the issue - my fiance has tried to understand how and why he ended up there - we have now gone through 3 sessions of counseling and I still feel that my fiance needs to figure himself out. He is in the Army Reserves. He works nights at a factory. The conversation between the two of them expresses each of them telling the other not to tell anyone about it. They went a second time that I know of.
Both of them claim they are straight - they are not gay or bi. I am not sure how to understand this or how to help him.
I found out by accident through 8 pages of instant messages and then made phone calls to both my fiance and to this other man. I am heart broken, confused and don't know what to think.
I know for me if anyone came onto me they would not like my reaction. I don't know if his stories change because he is dealing with it and doesn't know himself.
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