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Mens Sexual Issues

Open discussion group for Straight, Gay, Bi, Curious Men. MSI is "NOT a Place ... more

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SeattleRon

Joined: 11/23/2012

My Story:

I am a young 55 yo fit runner and daily pull ups married and love my wife. We have a good marriage but physical intimacy has become a huge FEAR. I faked it for years. I never experienced intimacy, un conditional love, trust in others to have my best interests at heart. By age 7 I began escaping hidden away for hours, not missed, fantasizing about what my life would be like when I got out of that house at 18. About 10 in the basement where I went to be hidden I discovered my fathers stash of porn both pictures of naked men and women. I had a negative relationship with my mother and minimal with my dad. I was awed at what my body would look like when I was a man. I added to my family fantasy mb to those images. There were a couple things show and tell with a neighbor boy but on my way home from a date one night I was stopped at a street light and noticed the guy stopped next to me motioning me to roll my window down. He was a college guy and hollered, "Want a beer follow me"

I was scarred I knew I should not do this but i DID. At his place he grabbed two beers and we sat down in the living room. He asked some questions about myself for a bit then got up and said, I am going to change.He came back with just a towel around his waist. He looked like the guys in my dads mags. Then he sez, "There is another towel for yu on the bed." I got up and changed.

He asked me some more questions for awhile like how many inches I had and I am getting aroused. He slaps me on my knee and says "follow me". In his bedroom he lays on the bed with his towel on and pats next the mattress for me to do the same. I get rock hard when he touches my chest. It all felt so great. No kissing, no sucking and after bit he just had me JO with him. When I left I felt shame...no one could know I did this. One the way out he said "If you see my car out front yu are welcome to knock on the door. I probably drove by twice a day checking and knocked 6-8 times that summer. Oh and he also said, "Don't feel weird about doing this I have several guys just like you who knock"

What this has lead to for me is using annomyous sex with guys as a substitute for the intimacy I have this FEAR over because it does not require it. I tried a FWB with a married pilot for 6 months but tired of it I think because it lacked the danger excitement, and he would want to do it when I was not interested but I felt I needed to do my part.

I like the posts I have read here

One other thing I want to share and ask a question. I have always had this fantasy of being forced taken by a guy. Well, this summer I am out working with no shirt on and old baggy sweat pants with worn our elastic on my old sprts car in the driveway and this shirtless guy out on his run sees the car and and comes up to me to chat about the car. He asks me what I am doing. "I am trying to tighten up fitting to stop a fluid leak and I am not sure what tools I will need. He is standing there fondling his abs and pecs. Never understood why guys do that in front other talking? He suggests I slide under the car and tell him what tool to get me. I do and he is kneeling down beside me from waist down. handing me tools he is touching my chest. I can tell I am getting a tent in my sweat pants. When I get it tightened and slide out I am so embarrassed and he has this big smile on his face looking at body. I have not seen him since but cannot stop thinking about it.

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Reply: Stranger danger! Do you or don't you?

Yes I have and was so charged I let it happen and immediatly upon unloading I though how...

Posted by SeattleRon

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Stranger danger! Do you or don't you? Yes I have and was so charged I let it happen and immediatly upon unloading I though how...

Does anyone have experience using HGH injections

I have got this thing going that I want to put on more new upper and lower body muscle....

Posted by SeattleRon

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Does anyone have experience using HGH injections I have got this thing going that I want to put on more new upper and lower body muscle....

Reply: Does anyone have experience using HGH injections

Tom..I am not injection Tes. I am injecting piece of the amino acid string called...

Posted by SeattleRon

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Does anyone have experience using HGH injections Tom..I am not injection Tes. I am injecting piece of the amino acid string called...

Reply: I'm wondering what's next

Thanks, This string I enjoyed reading and envy. I have had man anonymous sexual...

Posted by SeattleRon

13 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:I'm wondering what's next Thanks, This string I enjoyed reading and envy. I have had man anonymous sexual...

Does anyone have experience using HGH injections

I have got this thing going that I want to put on more new upper and lower body muscle....

Posted by SeattleRon

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Does anyone have experience using HGH injections I have got this thing going that I want to put on more new upper and lower body muscle....

Reply: Favorite thing about my Testicles

what is LPSG? another board What's the link?

Posted by SeattleRon

20 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Favorite thing about my Testicles what is LPSG? another board What's the link?

Reply: Manscaping...

This string is interesting. My son was talking that a girl he was being intimate with...

Posted by SeattleRon

45 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Manscaping... This string is interesting. My son was talking that a girl he was being intimate with...

Reply: Personal Confessions

"pissing on them" I think all of us respond based on our own fears. It is sad we men do...

Posted by SeattleRon

"pissing on them" I think all of us respond based on our own fears. It is sad we men do not have emotionally intimate relationships. For I am held back by my fear of rejection.

"Good things" I just finished a book Art of Happiness and interview with the Dali Lama. He suggested making a list of all the things that make you happy. I did it in my journal. One of the things I put down was "I like to dress up in a tux and take my wife to social gatherings"

"Parent issues" Certainly they did and I have won in every mental court ruling/ I am not at forgiveness (That is for God to give" Neither of them ever asked for it. But I have arrived at acceptance and that is good enough for now.

"Future years" Fortunately I am immature emotionally. From the time any addictive behavior becomes our primary coping tool we stop developing healthy tools. I am willing to set aside my failed ao to expand and improve my human experience.

"Alchol" Sure I have abused it as an escape in the past. Today my limit is 2 glasses of wine except if we are at a Saturday night dinner party and 3. Actually, with the recommended high protein veggi diet suggested with hgh Frag injections I am doing I have switched to diet tonic and bitters. Since 2/10 I have lost 4.5 pounds of abdominal fat. Soon my ab crunches will be visible. I should be happy I am an ectomorph when I switch to a high carb diet and hit the gym my efforts will will show.

"Sex" That got so cross wired for me. It never was even sex...just two strangers guys having an orgasm followed by shame. Not joy, not intimacy. Because I never experienced intimacy growing up I know I do not know what it looks like today. I have done a lot of reading on the topic and my wife and I are are moving in that direction.. over coming my fear. She is a great teacher. Did I tell you I am secretary for a 12 step mens sexual addiction group? But my fear of rejection (real or imagined) over their response to my form of same sex ao keeps me from sharing at meetings full of men who all carry shame about their ao behaviors. I want to be a better man. I want make healthy my prime motivating factor.

Say do you ever talk on telephone 206-720-1055. I would like to know you better. I like your thinking Oh.. is there any way on this site to send a personal communication? One on One?.View Thread

Posted bySeattleRon

114 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Personal Confessions "pissing on them" I think all of us respond based on our own fears. It is sad we men do...

Reply: Intriguing shapes of the penis

As to seeing another guys penis. I think I am always wondering how big it is erect. I...

Posted by SeattleRon

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Intriguing shapes of the penis As to seeing another guys penis. I think I am always wondering how big it is erect. I...

Reply: Personal Confessions

Thanks for the reply. I am mixture of many addictive things. Most of which I maintain...

Posted by SeattleRon

114 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Personal Confessions Thanks for the reply. I am mixture of many addictive things. Most of which I maintain...

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