I just read this string and appreciated the comments so I will add mine. I grew up in a troubled house..the primary feelings I had were un wanted and fear no positive connection available only critical things said no praise and only the constant "Look"
I discovered my fathers stash of porn about age 10 on top of beam in the basement where I had elected to spend most of my time because it safe...no one there to critisise me. Well, I was awed at the naked males more than the women. Probably because I felt most rejected by mother. The pictures showed me what my body would look like as a man. Wow, handsome powerful ... Soon I found myself mb blanks to those male images fantasizing I had their body. In my mind I just knew it was wrong but it made me feel wanted and self love. Saddly not having anything else I became fixated on the mb release. Things only got worse for me in my home life.
Had I had buddies we might have done the adolescent naked bonding sex "together" which would have been fun at the time. But for me it got twisted when another kid who was popular that I did not know invited me to his house one Saturday to see his ham radio in the room in the garage. There in the radio room he shows me these gay porn mags and I was immediately aroused and scared but powerless to leave. It was easy for him to seduce me. There was nothing fun about it all he wanted was my body. When it was over in a few minutes I immediately left. : I will never do that again. Well two weeks later he called again and I did do it. That set me up for another similar guy seducing me at 17 and this continued as anonymous sex for many years. Lust and an orgasm but no connection. I did not know what intimacy was because I had never experienced it.
Today, I stay away from that behavior. But I still think find a pictures or naked handsome models are awesome and this fuels me to work my own body to look the best it can. The guys in HS who had the body I wanted are now slackers but not me. I am a young 67 with the build of a lean 18 year old. Recently, I have studied and decided to begin injection Peptides HGH Fragment 176 - 191 and a CJ 1245. If this stuff provides half of what it promises I am going to have fun leaning out and putting on muscle where I want it. Maybe by summer I will want to have my shirt off all the time. Showing off my physic but not for m4m sex.
I have heard you guys here speak about male naked time and that intrigued me. I think we should ask for what we want. So I posted a Craigslist platonic ad. "Married male 4 Married male naked time? I was surprised I got 12 responses. One 35 yo guy said he had hosted two such events and they were fun. One at his place and the other with 4 guys out on his boat all naked one Saturday afternoon. I told him I was a bit overwhelmed with the response and not having done this before if he might want to host this and invite his friends. He was specific that "It was not about sexual" Just time to enjoy our maleness together.View Thread
Hairy, I re read your reply to me about forgiving others this morning. Thanks again. I also read you history section. and would like to know you better. More about how you think.
I know you comments were spot on. I am doing my readings on Compassion and Empathy as it first relates to myself'.
I am also realizing that because I first used my sexuality to cope with my young life it was used more like a quick medication. Quick like a bad tasting pill which did not include FUN. For me mb was to be done quick and dirty. I know my sexuality also has a dirty aspect associated with it.View Thread
That was an awesome re tell. Say we have similar builds but I need another 12 lbs of muscle. I saw here that you mentioned HGH has aided you.
A friend I cannot get in contact with send some freeze dried frozen Peptides to me re constituted and injected in the abdomen. I have read a bunch and think two shots a day would be perfect. I cannot seem to find anyone who has used peptides locally. Do you know anything? I am a bit older than you 48 5.11, buck fifty. However, I want to feel a bigger chest. It probably does not to be as big as fantasie but I like the feel of my muscled being sore from a good upper body workout. height weight?
I ran across something you posted and it caught my attention about being Bi so I went a read a bunch of yur other discussion to get more of an idea how you think,
BTW you have a great looking torso. Actually you and pogo look similar. Me I thought about snapping a pic like yours to post but I am a 5.11 buck fifty guy and who wants to see that?
I could ID with your depression over the bi issue. For me this started very young also. I think it comes from a disconnect with the opposite gender parent. That was it for me. Mom could not ... refused to connect with us three kids. Worse all she had was conditional love minus but and abundance of critisism. I could not trust her with my emotions and that transferred to all women almost to fear. Dad was not much better. I sought acceptance. I never had a childhood buddy. Saw my Dads male female porn about age 10 and was awed at what my body would look like as a man. How that transferred to sexualizing boys and later men I am not sure.
I like you have been blessed with a picture perfect life. Beautiful homes, cars, antique boats beach house and wife. Plus an abundance of friends who like my picture perfect image.
I only have one friend who came to me with when he was caught looking at porn and I opened up with him about my looking at male bodies..Having annomyous sex with men, Out of town biz trips hooking up with other married guys in the hotel bar and going to their rooms. For me it is more the lust and pursuit of the taboo. If I could just stop when the guy 'accepts me" wants me it would be fine. The sex is always a let down.
When I hear about buddies with benefits I tried that. But it lacks the pursuit, lust of another guy wanting accepting me. But maybe it would also lack the shame I feel doing this with a totally stranger.View Thread
admittedly I have struggled with same sex attraction and acted on it and at times it was to point of being compulsive and scared me. ON business trips, at the gym, men's swim night and a few Craigslist encounters.
I found this site refreshing in how many of you speak openly about the saunas, good looking guys, turn-ons of shirtless guys with big bulges. The size of their equipment, and post hot pictures of your bodies. guys I am triggered by the same things.
However, it seems all of this is comfortable guy time, naked time. I guess what I want to ask is, "Am I the only guy here who has acted on the attraction? How do you manage it in your married/partner lives? Should I just relax about my fears and go ahead?
Thanks for the reply. The materials I found to use a a guide are well written. I/we rarely watch movies but in a hurry last weekend I stopped at RedBox and not knowing anything I picked a comedy... HotSpring. It was build on the cover "A comedy about the difference between men and women. Fortunately, my wife and I both have a healthy senses of humor. But it was spot on giving our issue hope. Actually, Billy Jones was an ass. Now that I have introduced my wife to the material and she is reading it at her pace I am inclined to let her take the lead. Along with some subtle comments... like "so what's wrong with the living room? I have read most of what you have posted and like the way you think. Have you ever heard of a guy withholding sex before?View Thread