As to seeing another guys penis. I think I am always wondering how big it is erect. I think that is because we rarely see any other guy hard. It tends be powerful image. Taboo. Worse is seeing a guy half aroused I wonder what I could do that would get him harder..so maybe I soap myself up a few times in the shower to see it that will push him all the way.
Thanks for the reply. I am mixture of many addictive things. Most of which I maintain good boundaries on. But my core addictive behavior sexualizing men has described began so young and evolved to be my primary emotional coping tool will always be there.
I stay away from it by nixing, giving up the thoughts to pursue it but it is always there. When I let it in it take over and my boundaries go out the window. I get this crazy think that should be able to find a healthy way to still do this.. Maybe going to an all men naked swim night. In some thinking it would be okay if I found some others that we actually were friends.. did things together. Stupid thinking.View Thread
I am 57 lean 140 5.11. I did the research and started 20 days ago on HGH Fragment 176 - 191 mostly to lose the stubborn abdominal fat that comes with age.
This peptide sends messages to over ride the bodies pre programed reduction in human growth hormone so more is available. This string of amino acids is targeted for burning abdominal fat (even while I am sleeping. It will even work if I did not adhere to the recommended diet which I have. At first I thought maybe the results I was seeing were from the diet but I am not losing fat anywhere but on my abs.
I sure would like to be able to communicate with others around my age who are using this peptide. My goal is to to keep going until my ab squeeze is minimal and then add CJC 1295 and hit the gym. That is another peptide that encourages building muscle and shortens the recovery time from a workout.
I may need to increase my daily dosage. Change for injecting morning to night. Maybe I should be hitting the gym now???
Since I am an ectomorph (hard wieght gainer)I need to eat eat and all the help I can get to add muscle. My goal is to add 15 pounds of muscle and retain my 32 waist. I never understood the advantages and challenges of my body type until very resent. I think my past efforts at the gym were useless because I was always in fasting mode. My metabolism is way high and need protein and veggies. 6 times a day. gag me.View Thread
I just re read your 3 month ago reply. Thank you again. I am in the process you suggested. I need to hear the same suggestion several time (I am slow). I met a man a month ago to share about our growing up. He suggested "Ron, you should put all your childhood pain in a can a bury it in your backyard.. I have the feeling you are close to break through but the past is what is holding you prisoner
I pondered his suggestion for a while to figure out how I might actually to this. My parents are both dead now. , but there death did not take the pain away. So I opted to write them a letter addressed to the home I grew up in. I made a list of the those painful memories that kept coming to mind. Initially 7 pages now 11. I know the I got the pain loaded into it because I can barely proof reading it without crying...feeling sorry for the tragedy.
So far I emailed it to my sister her response was "gut wrenching" and she shared how she handles her pain today. Then I spoke with my brother and he said, "Sure send it to I will be glad to read it" There are only three witness living Bro, Sis and our aunt Beth (dads sister" She is the one who commented a few years ago, "Ronnie, I don't understand how you turned out to be so successful...lovely wife, family., perfect homes, cars boats how did you do all of that? Don't you remember what it was like growing up in that hell hole? What I plan to do is to invite the three of them and spouses up to our beach home this summer a good place where we summered as kids and with them take the letter out on the tide flats and burn (cremate) it. Followed with a fun lunch WAKE .
I believe that doing this together and having that image of it burned and gone will help when me to nix the memories when they pop into my head. "Nope, that is in the past WE burned it together"
Well it is cool seeing this discussion still going on. I may have posted to this in past.
I enjoyed reading the more current replies. Actually, I envy the early life experiences shared. I wish mine had been similar I missed so much growing up.
Mine started like some of yours. One of three kids one year a part to be seen and not heard for 18 years. My bro and sis got by better as they were compliant. Me the middle one kept demanding attention how ever I could get it. Most of yu mention your distant fathers. I had that also, but the worst was a Mother who could not connect with her children, but at the time I only felt it as rejection. NO unconditonal love only critisism, no tenderness only critisism either in the "Look" resulting in my flipping a switch about age 8 "I cannot trust you two, I will never try to love you again" that resulted in my being vulnerable to the first thing that came along that appeared to fill/medicate my pain. For me that was isolation fantasy about my life after 18.
From the time the "Switch flipped" I began isolating hidden away in the basement to avoid the pain... NO friends buddies ever just alone. I added self arousal to my fantasy time. It was exciting. It was my first sense of self love. About age 10 in that basement I discovered my fathers porn stash. I was more drawn to the naked men. Awed what my body would look like as a man. That evolved to sexualizing those images as a form of connection. I had NO real connections. Little did I know that would lead to years of annomyous acting out with other wounded men. It was never fun just two strangers having separate fast orgasms together.
What I envy about what has been shared is this. If a man goes out and has too many beers with a friend(s) he is connected with vrs a guy who has no real friends and stays at home having to many beers by himself. That is self destructive.
I have not done anonymous sex with men for quite sometime now. However, I do fantasize what it would be like to be with a group of guys who were comfortable and enjoyed being naked together. Having a beer some camaraderie.
So for sh**ts and giggles a month or so ago I wanted to test and see if I was the only guy who fantasized being naked with three or more guys. So I posted on CL "male for male naked time?- not sexual" I got a dozen responses. 3 sent their stats and what sexual thing they wanted to do (Delete) But the others actually seemed healthy..fun.. One guy responded, "I have hosted this type of event with my buddies and the last one was an afternoon out on my boat 50' out on the lake with 4 guys.
#2. I am motivated to work on my physical appearance and workout more. I am an ectomorph (high metabolism and skinny). 5.11 140. So I am not opposed to help "chemicals" and researched injecting HGH fragment 176-191 and ordered some and started injecting myself daily two weeks ago to reduce and abdominal fat. That stuff works It burns the ab fat off while I am sleeping.
Anyway, if any others have any experience with any of these peptides please e mail me I have some questions. BTW my goal next is to put on 15 pounds of lean muscle. We ectomorphs with muscle can look great. But it is hard to maintain our gain.View Thread
I just read this string and appreciated the comments so I will add mine. I grew up in a troubled house..the primary feelings I had were un wanted and fear no positive connection available only critical things said no praise and only the constant "Look"
I discovered my fathers stash of porn about age 10 on top of beam in the basement where I had elected to spend most of my time because it safe...no one there to critisise me. Well, I was awed at the naked males more than the women. Probably because I felt most rejected by mother. The pictures showed me what my body would look like as a man. Wow, handsome powerful ... Soon I found myself mb blanks to those male images fantasizing I had their body. In my mind I just knew it was wrong but it made me feel wanted and self love. Saddly not having anything else I became fixated on the mb release. Things only got worse for me in my home life.
Had I had buddies we might have done the adolescent naked bonding sex "together" which would have been fun at the time. But for me it got twisted when another kid who was popular that I did not know invited me to his house one Saturday to see his ham radio in the room in the garage. There in the radio room he shows me these gay porn mags and I was immediately aroused and scared but powerless to leave. It was easy for him to seduce me. There was nothing fun about it all he wanted was my body. When it was over in a few minutes I immediately left. : I will never do that again. Well two weeks later he called again and I did do it. That set me up for another similar guy seducing me at 17 and this continued as anonymous sex for many years. Lust and an orgasm but no connection. I did not know what intimacy was because I had never experienced it.
Today, I stay away from that behavior. But I still think find a pictures or naked handsome models are awesome and this fuels me to work my own body to look the best it can. The guys in HS who had the body I wanted are now slackers but not me. I am a young 67 with the build of a lean 18 year old. Recently, I have studied and decided to begin injection Peptides HGH Fragment 176 - 191 and a CJ 1245. If this stuff provides half of what it promises I am going to have fun leaning out and putting on muscle where I want it. Maybe by summer I will want to have my shirt off all the time. Showing off my physic but not for m4m sex.
I have heard you guys here speak about male naked time and that intrigued me. I think we should ask for what we want. So I posted a Craigslist platonic ad. "Married male 4 Married male naked time? I was surprised I got 12 responses. One 35 yo guy said he had hosted two such events and they were fun. One at his place and the other with 4 guys out on his boat all naked one Saturday afternoon. I told him I was a bit overwhelmed with the response and not having done this before if he might want to host this and invite his friends. He was specific that "It was not about sexual" Just time to enjoy our maleness together.View Thread
Hairy, I re read your reply to me about forgiving others this morning. Thanks again. I also read you history section. and would like to know you better. More about how you think.
I know you comments were spot on. I am doing my readings on Compassion and Empathy as it first relates to myself'.
I am also realizing that because I first used my sexuality to cope with my young life it was used more like a quick medication. Quick like a bad tasting pill which did not include FUN. For me mb was to be done quick and dirty. I know my sexuality also has a dirty aspect associated with it.View Thread
That was an awesome re tell. Say we have similar builds but I need another 12 lbs of muscle. I saw here that you mentioned HGH has aided you.
A friend I cannot get in contact with send some freeze dried frozen Peptides to me re constituted and injected in the abdomen. I have read a bunch and think two shots a day would be perfect. I cannot seem to find anyone who has used peptides locally. Do you know anything? I am a bit older than you 48 5.11, buck fifty. However, I want to feel a bigger chest. It probably does not to be as big as fantasie but I like the feel of my muscled being sore from a good upper body workout. height weight?