Just like I've lost count the number of times I've fallen, the number of times I've dropped things, the number of all-night leg spasms, the number of times I got the ribcage 'hug' and so much more! It's always attributed to diabetes, neuropathy, degenerative disk disease, psychiatric problems and the great one, "it's just in your head, relax and don't stress out so much." STRESS?! I've got it now, and plenty but gee, ya think it could be from being denied the right treatments for the last 16 years? Now, I am angry, frustrated and trust NO physicians for much more than giving me pain meds. I'm not ever going to be well again, and am tired of the merry-go-round of doctor visits. Sex? HA! A LIFE? I no longer have one. I don't even want one anymore. In fact, after a night in the hospital, hooked up to all kinds of heart monitors, had my blood and urine tested and all they come back with is: elevated white blood cells. Yet, I'm spasming and having insomnia, and am losing the regular use of my legs. It's so much more than that but for now, that's enough. I start crying if I say too much anymore. I'm tired of being treated like I'm stupid, and that I somehow don't deserve any respect.
Do I have MS? Honestly, I think so. So do all the radiologists and a few nurses. But the doctors, even a neurologist, think I'm just fine! I wish they could crawl a mile in my body for a month or two, THEN let them diagnose!View Thread
I've had two brain lesions, a spine lesion, plus all the bouts of spasms (legs, feet, arms, hands, even over my ribcage), elevated white blood cell counts, and a ton of other "MS" symptoms but for years, although radiologists say 'suspected MS' there is not ONE doctor, including a neurologist who just made me squeeze her hand and walk across the room (on a great day for me, which meant I had pretty normal responses) ... so, I do not have MS! According to that neuro and a couple of family doctors. I had neuro diagnostic tests run a few years ago, the tech said I had "brain to eye" and "brain to legs" reactions but the neuro? Nah. 'YOU DO NOT HAVE MS!" .... OK. FINE! THEN WHAT IS THIS? Why does it come and go? What's the deal with the ever-increasing spasms? The memory loss? Can't remember names. Fall over air currents! Stumble on the patterns in the linoleum! Sex? WHAT is that? I sure don't even feel like I have the organs much less the desire! I'm numb or in pain almost all the time.
Yes, I DO have neuropathy. I do have diabetes. I do have cervical spine problems, like herniated cervical disks (two repaired, one needing it now) and yes, I have Hep C. And yep, 've had two heart attacks (clogged artery - repaired with four medicated stents). My ankles are brown, spotty, with millions of spider veins.Those same kind of spider veins are all over my legs - in less than two years. I am now 56, supposedly already gone through menopause cause I have not had a period in 13 years. I am 56. I have these horrid clammy sweats now, changing clothes and linens up to six times per day. Who needs that laundry bill?! Who has the energy to even DO that laundry? I air dry the sweaty clothes and pray I don't stink. I have very little "smelling ability" left!
My list of diseases/disorders grows longer every year but the ONE thing that no one will even entertain, that no doctor will even say aloud, is that thsi all could be all the above PLUS multiple sclerosis. Since the neuro problems really started about 1995, I've battled "neuropathy" ever since ... it's painful, the pain gets worse with exercise, and I have recently had my teeth pulled by a shoddy dentist, who neglected to inform me that I didnt have enough maxilla ridge to even hold in a denture so I am now toothless and ugly as sin. I've got more wrinkles, and got them in less than 90 days, than Carter has liver pills!
My sense of humor is the ONLY thing I have left, but it's getting so macabre that you have to KNOW me to know it is joking. "Suicide by cop after a few choice homicides" --- ha! I don't even own a gun, would never shoot anyone and would likely end up shooting myself in the leg, or blowing off my hand, by accident just loading one! I am so angry though.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Why do all these symptoms mean nothing except: diabetes, neuropathy, herniated disks? I don't get it. What about the spasms, the loss of memory, the loss of ability to recall names of people I see all the time, the stumble-bum walking ... and more!?! Even if they're not MS, I live with the symptoms just like it! How can I ever TELL it's MS if doctors don't even want to diagnose it? I'm not made of money, I use Medicaid cause I am officially now disabled. And in Alaska, with Xerox just taking over Medicaid, thanks to our lousy politicians, I'm getting LESS medications than ever, having to inject insulin blindly (no test strips), authorized surgeries suddenly yanked and declined the day of the surgery! I don't know how much more of this crap I can take.
The idea of suicide comes often. I AM loved and wanted so I cannot do that, I know .... but sometimes, at the height of all the pain, the spasms and mental wondering ... it sounds so good. Eternal rest from all this mess sounds pretty darn good during some weeks, and then ... nope! The rest of the time I'm fine. Nothing comes and goes like this EXCEPT multiple sclerosis. WHY do doctors run from the dx?View Thread
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