Although I'm not in your situation anymore, I can sympathize! DD#2 (our 18-month-old) came into the world a champion sleeper. Her older sister (now 5), was a different story though. I think she was 3 before she really slept through the night. We've been co-sleepers since she was a baby, so that helped both me and DH get the sleep we needed even with her waking. And now that she's older, she falls asleep with no problem and sleeps like a champ.
I think the best advice I could give you would be to keep things calm when your son wakes up at night. Don't turn on any lights, no TV. Make it, well, boring so that he doesn't get too stimulated. And just hang in there. Kids' sleep habits change so much when they're young. Soon enough, you'll be through it!View Thread
I know you posted this a while ago, but I wanted to chime in and give you my support. Even though you're obviously struggling, you sound like you're doing your very best for your little girl. I'm no expert, but I'm sure all the changes you've experienced in the past year or so - having a baby, splitting with your husband, moving to a new home across the country - are compounding factors in this. If you're on antidepressants, I hope that means you're under the care of a therapist who is helping you.
I don't have any advice, but I wanted to offer a virtual hug and show of support. And keep doing those wonderful things you've been doing to continue bonding with your little girl. I hope you find your way through this challenging time and come out the other side stronger and happier!!View Thread
Tough situation! For starters, if it were me, I'd make sure I was always the one who installed the car seat in your MIL's car. Car seats are complicated - especially for people who are a bit older and don't have experience with them - so if you install it yourself, you know it's in right. That just leaves you with the job of fastening your DS into the seat. I think for that one, I'd just say something like, "I know you probably think I'm overly cautious, but this is something that's really, really important to me. So, for my peace of mind, could you please make sure the buckles are done this way."
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Although I don't know your entire story, I wanted to join others in supporting your extended BFing. My DD is 26 months old and still nursing. I agree that you should lodge some sort of complaint about the CPS worker. She is incredibly misinformed, and if she's recommending that children be separated from their parents because of extended BFing, her ignorance is downright dangerous. If you have a BFing support organization - like La Leche League - in your area, you might be able to reach out to them for help.View Thread
Yeah, I think for this topic in particular it's difficult to explain your feelings on the subject without seeming judgmental. So I hope everyone believes me that when I say "I could never do that" I mean it more as "It goes against my instincts" rather than "Any mom who does that is terrible."View Thread
I understand there is a spectrum when it comes to using the term CIO. If a child cries and the parent goes in to comfort them, then leaves again once the child is settled, I don't consider it CIO. If a child cries and the parent DOESN'T respond to those cries (either because they're waiting for a certain number of minutes to pass or because they aren't going to respond at all), then I do consider that to be CIO. That's the kind of situation I'm talking about when I referred to the stress / anxiety / fear of crying alone.
Anon, I can certainly respect the fact that some parents find this method to be effective and worthwhile. But there are also moms on the parenting boards I've seen who have reported that it took weeks or longer for CIO to work. Or those who have had to do it over and over because their child sleeps great for a while and then reverts back to not sleeping well. And there's also the argument (which I'm a believer in) that CIO doesn't teach children to sleep better, it just teaches them that when they cry at night no one is coming to help them.
I never really had an opinion on this topic until I had a daughter. When I became a mother, the idea of leaving her to cry when what I wanted to do was comfort her was just too abhorrent for me.
Anyone ever see the CIO episode of "Mad About You" from back in the '90s? It's an episode that takes place over the course of a night when the parents are Ferberizing their baby. It's torturous for them as the "don't go in the room" periods grow longer and longer. Finally, Jamie (the mom) can't take it anymore and gets up to rush to her daughter - except just as she does the baby stops crying and (presumably) falls asleep. You'd think the parents would celebrate, but instead Jamie starts crying and says to her husband, "We broke her heart!"
I'll reiterate that I support other parents in their decisions about their own kids, but that episode really illustrates my feelings on CIO.View Thread
I think there is a difference, though. A child crying in the arms of a loving caregiver is much different than a child crying alone. The stress, anxiety, fear is greater for a child who is crying alone.View Thread
I agree with daisy729. Of course (like any mom) I wouldn't allow my child to run in the street just so that she didn't cry. But if my stopping her from running in the street caused her to cry, I would comfort her. That, to me, is similar to comforting your child at night.View Thread
Hope I didn't offend you with the blog link. My objective had been to outline the main arguments against CIO. Like I said, I really don't believe that if otherwise responsive and loving parents use CIO on a healthy child that they'll do horrible damage to that child. But since at the time I was the only non-CIO voice on this discussion, I wanted to make it clear how what the other side thinks.
I do think it would be helpful if there were some definitive study on this. As most posters have said, we all just have to follow our instincts. And, truthfully, for me that's the biggest strike against CIO - it very much goes against my instincts. I'd be one of those moms who had to leave the house or wear earphones because it would kill me to hear my child cry like that and not comfort her. To me, it seems cruel.
So, again, to the original poster, I reiterate the advice of pretty much everyone here that you should go with your instincts - and be respectful of your wife's instincts as well.View Thread
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