Here's a blog (opinion piece, of course, not a scientific paper or anything) that outlines the typical arguments against CIO and why it could be detrimental. Again, what you and your wife decide to do is up to you, and I certainly don't think that two loving parents using CIO on a healthy child will bring terrible, irreparable harm to that child. But I did want to let you know that there are arguments on each side.
Yes, there are those who feel it is detrimental to a child to be left to cry. Usually, prolonged exposure to stress hormones are sighted as the reason.
I'm on the opposite side of the fence from PPs. I'm not a CIO parent and would hate the idea of letting my daughter cry alone. It just goes against my parenting instincts, and it's important to me that she knows I'll be there when she needs me. We've never done CIO, and at nearly 2 she sleeps just fine. Now, I'm sure she didn't get to the "good sleeping" phase anywhere near as quickly as CIO kids did, but she got there in her own time.
Of course, none of us can make the CIO / non-CIO decision for you. There are plenty of parents on both sides. I'd advise you to follow your instincts and do what's best for you.View Thread
The methods we've used have varied depending on LO's age (she's 22 months old now). First, she was either in her sidecar bassinet or on our bed with a bedrail. That way she didn't have bedding near her. Now that she's old enough to move around and can get out of the bed on her own, we do use pillows, but she's well past the SIDS age. Our bed is also low enough that she can climb out easily if she wants to.
While would call myself a co-sleeping advocate, I do want to emphasize that you should do what's right for you and your LO. Like AD1978, I just didn't want you to feel guilty for making the choices you made. I think we mommies put too much pressure on ourselves sometimes, so I wanted to give you some encouragement!View Thread
The toddler bed might be a helpful thing. Maybe you could lie down near him or sit with him while he falls asleep there so he's comfortable. It might be a long process to get him out of your bed, but you'll get there. And crying for 2-3 hours every night for weeks sounds like torture for both of you!! It doesn't seem like that tactic is working for you, so I'd say drop it.
As a co-sleeping mom, I'd also suggest that you have started a habit ... but you haven't started a BAD habit with him sleeping with you. He'll move out eventually - they always do!
I'm a member of API and read this recently - thought it might be of interest.
We switched LO just before she was 18 months old. I want to say she was 28 pounds and 32 inches? Don't really remember, but she was definitely within an inch of the top of her chair - she has a long torso. Because she's tall (99th percentile), our pedi had told us to just try to keep her RF as long as we could and thought 18 months was a good milestone.
I think if we'd had a different car seat we probably could have made it longer, though.View Thread
1. What's your favorite part about being a parent? I love rediscovering the world with DD. There's nothing more wonderful than the look in her eyes when she discovers something for the first time. Priceless!
2. What's your least favorite part about being a parent? The boo-boos! LO has a little bruise on her cheek right now. She got it when she attempted to crawl from our bed onto our nightstand. Before I could stop her, she missed the night stand and did a little face plant. Poor girl!!
3. How many children do you have? One
4. How do you make time for yourself? I started a new job recently that involves a longer commute, so I bought a bunch of audio books to listen to while I drive. It makes commuting almost pleasant!
5. How often do you and DH (DB/DF) go out and enjoy each other's company without the children? Probably once a month. Which reminds me, my birthday is next week, and I need to see if our sitter is available on Saturday!
6. What kind of vehicle do you drive? A 2001 Ford Focus. It was the first major purchase DH and I made together after we got married.
7. What type of shoes are on your feet right now? Brown leather Frye flip-flops. My favorite shoes in the world!
8. What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say, "dinner table"? I'm starving!
9. What's your favorite type of music? I'm a big Top 40 girl.
10. Are your nails polished today? Nope. I don't polish my fingernails, but my toes are always done.
11. What's your favorite room in the house? The livingroom.
12. What's your favorite day of the week? Friday nights. When DH gets home from work, we usually pack up LO and go out to an outdoor shopping center to meet friends for dinner.
13. Tell me about a funny or embarrassing parenting experience. Yesterday when I got home, our sitter was telling me how Lila hadn't eaten very well during the day. Then she said to LO, "But you're going to eat lots tomorrow, aren't you?" And LO YELLED, "NOOO!" She's a stubborn girl!
14. Organic food or McDs for dinner? Organic if I'm cooking for myself. I'm not a McD's fan, so my version of this would probably be to order pizza. My favorite! Now that I think about it, there is an organic pizza place in our neighborhood that delivers - so I guess I could say both.
15. Your dream come true? I have a wonderful, loving husband, a happy, healthy daughter, an incredible extended family, great friends and a job that I love. Don't think I could ask for much more.View Thread
Very interesting perspective! I think the key thing you hit on is finding balance. It's important to give to your children without losing site of your own needs.
Although I fit mostly into the "sacrifice" side of things, I would definitely say that the things I do on that list (co-sleeping, EBF, babywearing) I do not because I see them as a necessary sacrifice - but because they are parts of parenting that I love and cherish. I adore coming home at the end of the work day and nursing DD. We sit quietly for five lovely minutes or so and just relax and reconnect. For me, it's the exact opposite of a sacrifice. The same with snuggling up with her in bed at night.
You're so right - we all just need to find the style that's right for us. And I think the most important thing is to truly choose our own style BECAUSE it's right for us and not because it's what we think we should be doing.View Thread