Sounds like you really need some family counseling. Your stepson is acting out because of the divorce/because he's not living with his mom. Big changes are hard on young kids and he doesn't have the coping skills to deal with it. Your husband probably feels some guilt over the divorce and he may feel it's his fault his son is acting up and that's why he gives in.
If you can't get your husband to agree to family counseling, I strongly recommend some parenting classes. I have a very headstrong now 5 year old, but she never did anything that extreme. You and your husband need to sit down and agree on some boundaries. That's what he's looking for. He doesn't recognize you as an authority figure because your husband likely countermands everything you try to do. That's why he needs to be on the same page. You two are being hit with divide and conquer and the 4 year old is a master of it. This will not get better unless the two of you get on the same page and present a united front.
At the very minimum, the two of you need to carve out some time one evening to sit down and discuss what the expected behavior out of the boy are and what the consequences are going to be when he misbehaves. He needs to understand that being on the same page from a parenting standpoint is vital to your relationship. Let him know that you feel marginalized.
It's good that you are trying to set your stepson up for success in life. Make sure you let your husband know that is your main concern.
I hope for everyone's sake that he will agree to seek some professional help. I know it seems odd to say get a 4 year old therapy, but he may be thinking that the divorce is his fault or that if he can make you mad enough you'll go away and his mom and dad will get back together. A child psychologist can help him understand none of this is his fault and cope with the new family dynamic.
I did something similar with underjams for my daughter. We were on the verge of being fully trained at night and I used the last one. We got two into the new bag when she decided that they were for babies and that she could get up first thing and go rather than play in bed until it was too late. So now I'm stuck with most of a pack of pull ups I probably won't use since my second is a boy and I think the padding is located differently between boy and girl underjams.
My son is only 21 months, not really verbal and showing no interest in the potty yet, so I think I'm good for a couple of months to use up the three boxes I have left.View Thread
I was in my local Target yesterday and they seem to be discontinuing the big boxes of diapers (the 100+ counts for size 5 and below) of both Huggies and Pampers and they were 30% off. Last week they were $5 off, but this week it was $10 so for the 100 count size 5 I got Huggies for just over 20 cents per diaper. Even though I still have a big box and a half from last week, I bought 2 more boxes. I wish I'd had a coupon, but even with a coupon you won't find name brand diapers that cheap in a store.
Just thought I'd share so others can check out their local Targets and see if they have the same deal.View Thread
My son never wanted the bottle. Getting him to take a paci was a real nightmare (he was a crier so I wanted to give him something to suck on other than me) and I ended up trying about 5 different types before finding the one and only brand he likes (Mam). He was almost 10 months old before he showed any interest in solids. Thankfully I could stay at home, but he was a very difficult infant.
On a separate note, my daughter was a super efficient nurser and could drain a breast in a matter of just a couple of minutes. After my son's surgery for being tongue tied he turned out the same way. I know this has to be really frustrating. My son was one of those up every couple of hours babies until he was over a year old.
It sounds like the docs are doing all they can.
Have you tried any sort of veg of fruit purees? Cereals are very bland and some kids never take to them. At six months you can probably try something like Cheerios, too.View Thread
Have you flat out asked your pedi why s/he won't order the tests or put in for a neuro consult? Have you asked for second opinion from another doc in the practice or your insurance network to discuss your concern about her regression? Regression should be looked into and not just dismissed. Just keep pushing until you get an answer you are happy with.View Thread
Given her allergies (and soy milk probably doesn't have as much absorbable calcium as cow milk) and other issues, it might also be worth working with a nutritionist if you haven't to ensure she's getting the proper nutrients. Her case is going to be very complex because of the multiple issues requiring different treatments.
If you have access to a teaching hospital or someplace like one of the big children's hospitals they may be able to connect some dots since they see cases that normal pedis don't. Who knows, some of her issues may be related to others. Given the complexity, I really hate to say get another doctor involved, but since you are concerned about her skeletal development and you don't seem to be getting answers to that. It is so easy for kids with allergies to end up deficient in a given vitamin or mineral and that can just cause more problems later on.
Best of luck to you.
SIL hasn't said about taking the middle boy to the doctor, so I don't know when he's going. I know docs hate to remove tonsils nowadays (because in the past it was almost a childhood check off), but there are still times when it really needs to be done.View Thread
Depending on her activity level, it does sound like her bones are more brittle than normal. If she broke her bones from just tripping, that would be a red flag, but if say she fell from a jungle gym it might not be as much of one. Does she get a lot of calcium in her diet (and vitamin D for absorption) through dairy products and leafy greens or supplements? If not, this might be something to look into.
Since you are concerned, I would ask your doctor if she has any sort of brittle bone disease - something I would think would have been looked at given her other back issues. You might also need to ask for a referral to specialist for further evaluation such as an orthopedist and/or endocrinologist.
Remember that many doctors are rushed to get through all their patients and if you don't bring something up, they might not be thinking of it. My SIL is getting ready to press her pedi about her middle son's coughing. He has very swollen tonsils, but because he only has problems with ear infections in the winter the doc is unwilling to consider surgery to remove them even though he literally coughs and wheezes about once a minute. It's a wonder the school nurse has not sent him home for disrupting the class with his near constant coughing. She's also at the point where she's going to ask for a second opinion.
Most kids can take a while to get those first few words out, but once they get the hang of it, it's like a floodgate has opened. I know my daughter started using dozens of words in the first few weeks that she was talking.
And I talked to SIL - her middle son was actually 3 before he started talking in full sentences, not 2. He really did not say much at all before then. Unfortunately this hurt her 3rd son (the autistic one) because the doc was being very lackadaisical about his various delays and quirks since the middle son did not start talking until 3. He was almost 4 before they got him diagnosed an in therapy. The sad thing is that after spending just a small amount of time around him when he was 2.5 I realized that he was showing autistic tendencies because my daughter 7 months younger than him was doing things that he wasn't. But at that time SIL was not in a place to hear that something may be off with her son.
Hopefully the new doc can help. Your DH also needs to keep in mind that normal is range and depending on the milestone it can be something that happens any time in a 6 month period or longer (like walking normally happens between about 9-15 months).
I know that the explosion of autism diagnoses has caused parents to look really closely at any delay their child is showing and panic that it might be a marker.View Thread
Well put rachels75. I have a nephew who is autistic with big time sensory problems. He used to vomit when at the zoo or around any animal smells. Same thing in the cafeteria or other enclosed space with food smells. Even now after close to 2 years of therapy, he only eats a few things: yogurt, cheerios and a pureed soup that my MIL makes. This soup cannot have any chunks in it.
All states offer free Early Intervention assessments to help parents who think their child may have any sort of delay and find free or low cost therapy - many times through the school districts. With early and proper intervention some children can overcome their delays. Not everyone in the world is the same.View Thread
It doesn't sound like it. I have an autistic nephew and at 5, he does not do many of the things your son does. Boys tend to talk later than girls. My son is 15 months and is just now starting to talk. He says 'ca' for car and 'shoo-shoo' for choo-choo. Sometimes I get a mama or he says dada, but we generally think those just come out in his babbling. He doesn't reliably use them to refer to us.
I have a 6 year old nephew who started speaking in whole sentences at 2. He never really did the one word thing.
Like PP said, call your state's early intervention office and set up a free assessment. This will give your husband peace of mind if it is indeed nothing like you and your doctor suspect. If there is something, they can get him into speech therapy.
But really, the eye contact and peekaboo lend me to think the autism risk is very low. Lack of eye contact and response to emotions are the biggest and most obvious autism markers.View Thread