I am trying to model good behaviour for my young toddler, which is challenging because sometimes I am not sure myself how to behave properly. Anger management tends to be a tough one for me, especially with regards to momentary frustration. I tend to want to react physically (banging some stuff around, no actual violence), but I know this is not healthy and is potentially scary for my son to witness.
An example: I stayed up until midnight to make soup for my son's lunch. The next day I find out that my husband (SAHD) has forgotten the new soup, and given my son days-old soup for lunch. Obviously he didn't do this on purpose. When I realized this, I got immediately very frustrated, raised my voice at DH, and then banged around some spoons and stuff in the kitchen (not very loudly since DS was around). Then I was fine, my anger was released, and I moved on. My son did not seem to notice. However I realize that this is not appropriate behaviour. For example, if DH did this I think I would find it threatening, as he is a big guy. (Luckily DH does not seem to have much of a capacity to anger.)
How do you deal with this type of momentary anger, and can you suggest some good ways of getting out the need to vent physically, without scaring anyone? Would leaving the room and banging something in another room be better? (I'm not sure if that would even work, as part of the point of banging things around for me, seems to be to communicate to DH exactly how frustrated I am!)View Thread
DH is a stay-at home father to DS (13 months old). My MIL comes over every weekday to help him and to spend time with DS, and FIL comes along 1-2 times per week (both are retired). This is very helpful to DH, because DS is very active and still not sleeping through the night. With his parents coming over, DH is able to take a nap, and he also uses their car to run errands. MIL often brings food, and does the dishes etc. DS also benefits greatly from having loving grandparents to play with and learn from.
My only concern in this seemingly ideal situation is, how do I get them them leave once I am home? I get home at 4:30 but they always stick around till 5:30 or 6.
My MIL, especially, seems very reluctant to leave. Sometimes, FIL will say "let's go" ... but she says no, we'll stay and feed DS his dinner. If DH or I protest that we can feed him his dinner, she says "it's ok, I can do it". If I take DS out for a walk or to the playground, she comes along. I think it's a combination of wanting to help us, and also enjoying DS's company and perhaps not having enough hobbies to fill her time at home.
I don't want to seem ungrateful; however I want more 1:1 time with my child. I'd like to feed him his dinner or take him for a walk on my own. Also, I'm a private person and would just like to come home to DH and DS. The other thing is, I often feel that DS is not as attached to me as to his father and grandparents, and maybe more 1:1 time would help that.
I want to tread very carefully here so as not to hurt their feelings. Also, obviously, the whole situation is very beneficial to DH so I don't want to ruin that for us!
Note that we don't pay them for any of this (though we sometimes help out financially when there is a need), so I feel really bad complaining about this. Should I just suck it up?
Thanks in advance for any advice! I have also posted this question on the "Couples Coping" board.View Thread