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You and your husband may feel embarrassed by it but there are professionals that handle these types of cases all the time. The correct term for his diagnosis would be Encopresis and as you read about it you will find that you are not alone and he most definitely cannot control it. It has become such a part of him that psychologically, it's okay.
One thing you can start to do is to create a bathroom chart for him to follow and every time he accomplishes his goal, put a star next to it and reward him for his good behavior. Just because he is 12 years old physically and strong in other areas does not mean he is 12 yrs old mentally and strong in other areas. He has a weakness and in fact has become quite aware of your reactions to his behaviors.
His mind and thoughts about his disability need to be hardwired and you and your husband need to be educated on the matter and open to getting help. You have to be honest. You cannot do this on your own. You are helping him as much as you can but there is only so much you can do before you all start to go crazy and possibly resent him for being disabled.
Please get help for him. As a parent, it is your responsibility. Kudos too all the hard work and dedication you have put in so far and it will get easier...View Thread
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It sounds like he has been through a lot in his short time and is unable to build a sense of security and allow a loving two-sided relationship to grow. I think there is very little advice we can give here that will improve things, short of making sure he can get to see a therapist, but I know it helps just to have someone to talk to and listen so please keep us updated.
Is he seeing a therapist now? Are you able to afford or find insurance for help? If he is seeing one, what does the therapist say to you about your son?
On a practical note, have you tried pull ups? I resorted to using them with my daughter while she was having accidents. I was never able to determine the cause of her relapse and tried the medicine but finally gave into pullups. I've been told various people in my family's history have had similar issues and grown out of it.
Anyway, remember: don't beat yourself up and keep sharing.View Thread
Extreme Parenting
ElizabethView Thread
Beyond that, I'd recommend the things I'd recommend to anyone with a son this age: get him involved in social activities, whether they be sports or church groups, monitor the kinds of friends he makes, encourage him to read age appropriate books. I truly believe as he progresses in this age, a healthy developing social life will help rid him of these problems. He's going to want friends and friends won't respond to emotional outbursts the way parents do.
Keep us updated!View Thread
I recently saw a news report about teens with alcohol poisoning after separating the alcohol from the gel. Teens may feel a benign product like hand sanitizer is safe and try it since it is easily available.
Have you heard about this? Bring this up at dinner tonight, another opportunity to bring up this serious, risky behavior and other trends in the news lately.
ElizabethView Thread
Also, I really think there is a readiness factor, where some things just click when you are ready to be there and it will be a ton of work (and frustration) otherwise. He may be frustrated with first grade math at 5 turning 6, but find it fun and interesting at 6 turning 7. I think one of the greatest gifts you can give your son is a love of learning and confidence in his ability to learn, both of which will be tough if he is not held back, as it sounds like everything may always seem "hard" to him, where it may seem "easy" or normal if he is held back. My youngest missed the cutoff by 5 days, and at first I was frustrated and thought that she would be very ready for school (like her sister would have been at the same age) but she is a different person than her sister and won't be ready ahead of schedule — if her birthday had been a week earlier, I would be considering holding her back.
So basically, if you are this strongly considering it, it probably is the right thing. I wouldn't worry about the "not going to clubs thing" (I skipped a grade and was way younger and this was really not a big issue) but I would worry a lot about academics and socialization -- not just for increased academic success, but also increased confidence, happiness and love of learning.View Thread
Dr. Benaroch discusses the dangers in his blog, Don't Take the Cinnamon Challenge .
Have you seen this craziness?
Has you teen been challenged or know someone that tried this?
ElizabethView Thread
I hope your daughter is feeling better!
This resource, Hepatitis A Vaccine for Adults , does list a high fever as a side effect. What was her temp?
Please let us know how she is doing now,
ElizabethView Thread
What are your concerns and your teens concerns about the dress, the tux, the date, the hair and make-up, the cost and the after-parties?
Share this slideshow, 12 Tips for a Stress-Free Prom , with your teens to spark conversation about this big night.
A teacher friend chaperoned a prom this past weekend, a car of seniors rolled up with a bottle of gin hanging out the window. The deputies (school resource officers) were standing right there. These kids, not to mention their parents, did not have a good night and now are at risk of suspension and not graduating.
ElizabethView Thread
As far as advice goes, I'd definitely second the suggestion to look into some counseling for her, or your family, if you haven't already. Usually, a counselor can be pretty good at getting kids to open up about how they're feeling.
Also, I'm not sure if you're a reader or not, but during my time at Focus on the Family I heard that the book The Smart Step-Family by Ron Deal had a lot of great insight on helping blended families adjust to the transitions in their lives.And, this article I came across might also help you in talking to your stepdaughter about her mom's absence. Just FYI.
Well, your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there!View Thread
Don't be afraid to talk with your teens, ask about the game and look for warning signs including attempts to hide marks on the neck, or ropes and cords tied to doorknobs.
Find out more about this new study and see how many kids have tried it.
Are you familiar with this game? What is your reaction to it's popularity?
ElizabethView Thread
I am so sorry to hear about your son. Hopefully his physician has put a plan in place to help him get healthy and to feel better.
While waiting for others to respond here is information on how you can help him manage his weight loss, Treatment for Your Overweight Teen . Also, check out our Health and Cooking Center for great meal ideas.
Here is info on FSGS for those not familiar with this disease.
Please keep us posted on how he is doing,
ElizabethView Thread
I am sorry to hear he had pneumonia and continuing to have fevers. Is he having other symptoms with the fevers? Does he feel ill?
Here are a couple of resources that may be helpful -
Fever Facts
Fever Directory
Let us know how he is doing and see if we can help,
ElizabethView Thread
How is your relationship with her? How has she hurt your kids?View Thread
If they think a traditional Easter basket is just for kids, how about filling up a new purse, make-up bag, backpack, tackle box or tool box with candy, fun and practical items.
What is your teen into?
Elizabeth
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Until recently these compounds were sold in gas stations and convenience stores. The Drug Enforcement Administration has banned chemicals found in Spice and K2, but people may still be able to find these substances on the Internet.
This new report discusses why teens are drawn to these drugs, dangers, symptoms experienced when using synthetic marijuana and the increase in ER visits -
Spice, K2 Sending Teens to the Emergency Room
ElizabethView Thread
Sit down with your teen and check out posts about boredom, healthy eating, sleep and more.
This weeks topic - Are You an Emotional Eater?
Let us know what you think,
ElizabethView Thread
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