I just had a similar experience with my special angel-kitty, Sami. She was about 12 years old. I found her after she'd been abandoned...alone, scared, she crawled under a car to escape kids that were teasing & chasing her. I was in a car, saw this activity, stopped & jumped out, crawled under that car; she "let" me take her. We bonded immediately and closer than with any cat I have ever had in my 65 years with cats. She was mine, I was hers. She looked into my eyes with her blue eyes, so knowingly & trustingly. I felt loved like never before. Then it became obvious that she was ill. How strong and brave she was! But I couldn't bear to see the suffering of my "pretty girl." I took her to my vet-friend, wrapped in a towel, crying. He knew what had to be done. She had cancer & liver failure. She hid it well. I sobbed. I'm grieving deeply & don't know how to handle this new kind of deep sadness. I need her. I have 3 other cats that I love too. But none come close to Sami. I can barely function. It hurts more than I could have ever imagined. There's a big empty space that can't be filled. I have her ashes (something I'd never done before).View Thread