(refer to part 1) My husband didnt touch my belly or even talk about the baby. I told him that it was me he should be upset with and not the baby. But he loves me too much to resent me, so he tried to pretend that this baby wasnt coming. slowly but surely his viewpoint changed. he began thinking about the baby more. he even chose her name. he began "nesting" with me and learning more about babies. he even went willingly with me to all the classes and made sure he was well informed. Since the beginning hes made a complete 180 and i think is more confident than i am! I still worry about my daughter and him bonding and i feel guilty that i forced him into something he wasnt ready for and i am afraid that he will resent our daughter because of it. Everyone says "oh just wait till he holds the baby and everything will change" and i pray to God thats true for my husband. Two years ago my youngest sister, who was 16 at the time, came to live with my husband and I so she could finish high school (my parents live in another country). Unfortunately by the time she came to us, she was in full teenager mode. Snide, rude, irresponsible, lazy, and disrespectful are just some of the words i can use (she is 18 now asked us what her high school graduation gift budget was because she wanted a mac book pro for graduation... I should mention that for the past 2 years my husband and i have been financially supporting her completely and paying for private high school tuition. my parents arent helping us with anything financially). Needless to say the whole experience has been very negative for my husband and me. You would think that she is my sister so i would know to talk to her and guide her but she is a closed book who again is not used to any kind of communication, so any attempts to talk to her or teach her ended up in bad arguments.. so when we found out that we were having a girl, we both kind of panicked. what if our daughter is like my sister? Admittedly, i know this fear is very irrational because how i can compare a teenager who grew up with an absentee mother to a baby girl? As someone who was not only fortunate enough to get pregnant but to have a healthy baby, i should be crucified for even thinking about gender and believe me i feel extremely terrible about it. if i had a bratty brother instead of a bratty sister and i was having a boy would i feel the same? if i wasnt able to teach my sister, will i be able to teach my daughter? should i even be thinking that far ahead? i havent even had the baby yet and already i am dreading her teenage years? I dont know about you ladies, but for us most people's initial excitement and happiness for us is always followed by horror stories about poopy diapers, sleepless nights, sick and colicky babies, and life changing experiences. "sleep now cuz you wont be sleeping when the baby comes" or "spend time with each other because you wont get to do that when the baby comes", or my favorite "hope you're happy because once you have em' you cant return em'!". No one tells us about the joyous moment when we will first hold our daughter or how she will hug us so tight that we will feel like the most powerful people in the world. No one tells us about how proud we will be when she walks or says her first words. I wonder if these people think before they speak. Lets tell brand new parents how difficult raising a baby will be. And its not just people but just the whole idea of having a baby is general. Look at how the media portrays it. Case and point, recent movie "What to expect when you are expecting". There is a scene in the movie where the fathers with the babies tell the new father to be to "stay on the other side, because this side is where happiness goes to die".
A few weeks ago, when we took a labor class, they told us that whatever we are feeling as we wind down towards birth about everything is normal. The thing is i've been feeling a lot of things. Some of it is good and some bad, but mostly its apprehension. I have no one to talk to about what i feel because everyone just expects me to be insanely excited and i am for the most part, but part of me has all these fears. Since a lot of you ladies are in the same boat as me I thought i'd express my feelings here and hopefully get some advice from ladies who are already parents. I feel safe talking about it here.
Its hard to believe that in a few weeks i'll have a child. I'll be a parent. This tiny human being is going to need me to help her and take care of her, not just now but for the rest of her life. I've always wanted to have kids. When i was younger it was probably because of how cute babies are but as i grew older it was because i wanted a family of my own. My mother who has had bipolar/borderline personality disorder my whole life was never there for my two sisters and me. Her illness caused a lot of strain on my family and we never learned to communicate with each other. Even today, all of us can probably express our feelings to anyone else but each other. It suddenly occurred to me that i dont have any example to go off of. My mother didnt teach me how to be a mother. we didnt eat dinner together as a family everyday and discuss what was going on with us. we spent most of our lives taking care of ourselves and tip toeing around my mother who was always unhappy. i dont know how to be a family. so the million dollar question is: will i be a good mother? not just someone who feeds her and makes sure she has all the necessities but someone who will teach her to be a good person. someone who will communicate with her. what if i cant do it? what if she grows up in a family structure like my own where no one talks to each other and feels what i feel for my mom? I LOVE this little miracle growing inside me. She came into my life when i thought it was never going to be possible. All the signs pointed towards the fact that i will never have kids. I have PCOS, none of the treatments were working for me and worst of all, i married a man who didnt even want kids! isnt that a kicker? an infertile woman who needs to try so much harder to have kids married someone who doesnt want kids. it wasnt like i was stupid or anything. when i first met my husband in college he told me didnt want kids. But we were 19, who wants kids at 19? but we love each other a lot. my husband is my best friend and the only person in my life who knows me better than i know myself. we have a very strong relationship and at that point I didn't something like that should end a great relationship. He eventually opened up to having kids but he was in no hurry. After getting his PhD, my husband realized that he wanted to be a physician and wanted to get into med school. He is unhappy with his career and his career defines him. We had a lot of discussions about his plans for career and my wish to have a family. He said we should wait till hes a physician, but that would mean we wouldnt even start trying till i was 35!! At 27, i finally convinced him to start trying and for months when nothing happened, he kind of gave up too and i think was relieved. when i told him i was pregnant, he cried. They werent tears of joy. He was upset because to him me getting pregnant meant that his dreams of becoming a physician were out the door. Having a child doesnt mean that you cant go to med school but he is a noble and knows that it will be difficult and he says this that this baby deserves a father who is there for her not an absentee father who is always busy. So throughout my pregnancy he was very distant from the baby. He took care of me when i needed it, but he made no attempt to bond with the baby.View Thread
It is terrible. there are people out there who want a child so badly and deserve one because they would take care of the baby to the best of their abilities. Then there are people who cant even take care of themselves let alone a baby. Where i live there was a big story last year about a woman who starved her 2 year old and when the little girl died, the woman stuffed her into a suitcase and put her next to the trash to be taken away. Worst part was that she was pregnant again when she was arrested. the good thing is that you and your husband are doing everything right for your child and will make great parents View Thread
Note: I am now 35 weeks. The doctor today talked about possible induction because they found a little resistance in the blood flow to the cord. It is insignificant at this point, but I have to be monitored biweekly now. I will continue to do this list as long as I can, but I think we can start thinking about someone else possibly taking over. If there are any volunteers, please let me know. The list is pretty east to doJ.
Here are the updates for the week of 5/20/2012. If anything needs to be corrected, please let me know!
If you'd like to be added to next week's list, just respond to the post and I'll get you on here next week! Please respond with your due date and how far along you are and if you know if you're on the blue or pink team or if you want a surprise! ***Yellow means you want a surprise and green means you are going to find out.***
Additions and Updates: ********Welcome Lopersgrl to the BLUE Team!!!!!******** ********Welcome KL0124 to the twins team!!!!****** ********Welcome nordygirl33 — Nicole to labor watch!!!!****** ********Welcome Lindsycd- Lindsy to the 2nd Trimester!!!!!****** ********Welcome Jon3brn to the 2nd Trimester!!!!!******
If you have any upcoming appt.'s you'd like added to the important dates section, I can add them.
***IMPORTANT DATES! (OB and Peri appts, U/S's etc)*** Rooni134- weekly appointments Mosleyd36- ultrasound this week to check for placental placement. nicram8683 — Nicole —5/22 OB appt FrenchBulldogMom — 5/21 OB appt, 5/25 High risk OB appt livelaughmoe- Cassy- 5/23 1st Ultra sound. nordygirl33 — Nicole- C-section booked for 5/25
***LABOR WATCH!! (37 weeks and/or Special Cases)*** Manda0814 - Manda — 40w4d - EDD 5/17/12 - Twins Green Team nordygirl33 - Nicole — 37w5d - EDD 6/8/12 - Twins Pink & Blue Team
***THIRD TRIMESTER (27w until Labor Watch)*** canwedothis - Amanda - 35w6d - EDD 6/21/12 - Twins Pink & Blue Team rooni134 - Rooni - 35w3d - EDD 6/22/12 - Pink Team nicram8683 - Nicole - 35w - EDD 6/25/12 - Blue Team melikib - Mindi - 33w4d - EDD 7/5/12 - Blue Team leji1 - Ellie — 32w6d - EDD 7/10/12 - Twins Pink Team FrenchBulldogMom - Mary - 31w5d - EDD 7/18/12 - Twins Pink & Blue Team BabyParks - Courtney - 30w - EDD 7/24/12 - BLUE Team codysu - Cody - 30w4d - EDD 7/26/12 - PINK Team robynbyrd - Robyn - 29w1d - EDD 8/5/12 - Blue Team
***SECOND TRIMESTER (13w2d to 27w)*** beckyatmoms - 26w4d - EDD 8/24/12 - Twins Pink Team mosley36 - Danielle - 25w3d - EDD 9/1/12 - BLUE Team BridgetBurke - Bridget - 22w - EDD 9/25/12 - PINK Team Lopersgrl - 19w3d - EDD 10/6/12 - Blue Team Gjbsgirl5705 (Amy) — 17w2d — EDD 10/27/12 — Green Team Lindsycd- Lindsy — 13w3d — EDD 11/25/12 — Green team Jon3brn- 13w2d- EDD 11/25/12 — Green team
***FIRST TRIMESTER (Conception to 13w2d)*** Deliela999 — Erin — 10w5d - EDD 12/10/12 — Green Team Westsidebee — 9w3d- EDD 12/23/12- Green Team Livelaughmore — 7w — EDD 1/9/2013 — Green Team KL0124- Kris — 6w3d — EDD 1/11/13 — Twins Green Team
Hi Ladies, Here are the updates for the week of 5/14/2012. If anything needs to be corrected, please let me know!
If you'd like to be added to next week's list, just respond to the post and I'll get you on here next week! Please respond with your due dateand how far along you are and if you know if you're on the blue or pink team or if you want a surprise! ***Yellow means you want a surprise and green means you are going to find out.***
****Congratulations to ninjarbaby — Jane on the birth of her baby boy-Madden! We hope mom and baby are doing wel!! **** Additions and Updates: ********Welcome BridgetBurke — Bridget to the Pink Team!!!!!******** ********Welcome KL0124 to the 1st Trimester!!!!!************ ********Welcome Westsidebee to the 1st Trimester!!!!!******
If you have any upcoming appt.'s you'd like added to the important dates section, I can add them.
***IMPORTANT DATES! (OB and Peri appts, U/S's etc)*** Rooni134- weekly appointments BridgetBurke — Bridget —5/15 OB appt nicram8683 — Nicole — 5/15 Ultrasound, 5/22 OB appt Lopersgrl — 5/15 Anatomy Scan FrenchBulldogMom — 5/21 OB appt, 5/25 High risk OB appt livelaughmoe- Cassy- 5/23 1st Ultra sound. nordygirl33 — Nicole- C-section booked for 5/25
***LABOR WATCH!! (37 weeks and/or Special Cases)*** Manda0814 - Manda — 39w4d - EDD 5/17/12 - Twins Green Team
***THIRD TRIMESTER (27w until Labor Watch)*** nordygirl33 - Nicole — 36w5d - EDD 6/8/12 - Twins Pink & Blue Team canwedothis - Amanda - 34w6d - EDD 6/21/12 - Twins Pink & Blue Team rooni134 - Rooni - 34w3d - EDD 6/22/12 - Pink Team nicram8683 - Nicole - 34w - EDD 6/25/12 - Blue Team melikib - Mindi - 32w4d - EDD 7/5/12 - Blue Team leji1 - Ellie — 31w6d - EDD 7/10/12 - Twins Pink Team FrenchBulldogMom - Mary - 30w5d - EDD 7/18/12 - Twins Pink & Blue Team BabyParks - Courtney - 29w - EDD 7/24/12 - BLUE Team codysu - Cody - 29w4d - EDD 7/26/12 - PINK Team robynbyrd - Robyn - 28w1d - EDD 8/5/12 - Blue Team
***SECOND TRIMESTER (13w2d to 27w)*** beckyatmoms - 25w4d - EDD 8/24/12 - Twins Pink Team mosley36 - Danielle - 24w3d - EDD 9/1/12 - BLUE Team BridgetBurke - Bridget - 21w - EDD 9/25/12 - PINK Team Lopersgrl - 18w3d - EDD 10/6/12 - Green Team Gjbsgirl5705 (Amy) — 16w2d — EDD 10/27/12 — Green Team
***FIRST TRIMESTER (Conception to 13w2d)*** Lindsycd- Lindsy — 12w3d — EDD 11/25/12 — Green team Jon3brn- 12w2d- EDD 11/25/12 — Green team Deliela999 — Erin — 9w5d - EDD 12/10/12 — Green Team Westsidebee — 8w3d- EDD 12/23/12- Green Team Livelaughmore — 6w — EDD 1/9/2013 — Green Team KL0124 — 5w3d — EDD 1/10/13 — Green Team
I am sure someone already recommended this but when i was getting constipated i tried dried prunes. they come in individuals packs and if i feel like i am going to have problems going to the bathroom, i take 3 or 4 and it works like a charm. not just helps me go but also softens the stools. they are also much much easier to eat than prune juice. I hope that helps View Thread
glad everything is ok. No spasms, but i've been getting sciatic pain in my hips which makes it very hard to sleep at night. i've also been getting what i think are braxton hicks but sometimes i cant tell if its that or just the baby stretching.
i hope you continue to be ok and the babies are doing well.
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