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Escape from Relationship Problems to a Better Futu...

Wendell Berry (a noted and insightful author) has said, "The past is our definition. We may...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Escape from Relationship Problems to a Better Future Wendell Berry (a noted and insightful author) has said, "The past is our definition. We may...

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MY TEMPER.

Hi, i really need your help i have a nasty temper but i am also full of love, when am upset i dont slap my...

Posted by deakea

8 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:MY TEMPER. Hi, i really need your help i have a nasty temper but i am also full of love, when am upset i dont slap my...

Lateral thinking

Really interesting concept. "People with a strong ability to mentalize have the often difficult-to-attain...

Posted by 3DPerspective

Take the Poll

What is the right order and balance between career, work, and social relationships?

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Lateral thinking Really interesting concept. "People with a strong ability to mentalize have the often difficult-to-attain...

Still wondering.

I've posted once before here about a starting relationship, that is now a almost two year one. My original...

Posted by Anon_14136

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Still wondering. I've posted once before here about a starting relationship, that is now a almost two year one. My original...

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Trying to get through my situation

I need help, I don't know really where to turn so I figured a discussion board is the way to go. Just recently,...

Posted by jettiec

I need help, I don't know really where to turn so I figured a discussion board is the way to go. Just recently, I learned that my husband opened an account with another woman. The only reason I found out about it is because we are buying a home and her name came up on his personal finances. He has an allotment going from his paycheck to this account. When I asked who she was and why she came up on the account, he acted like he didn't know. Then he finally admitted he opened a shared savings account with her just to save money and this woman is only a friend. I asked who is she, how often they talk, he said she's just a friend and they talk once every 3 months or so. Something told me to check his cell phone call log, under my name and I found out they have been talking DAILY, several times a day since March 2012. During the day while I'm at work but never in the evening or on the weekends. When I confronted him, he admitted it and still stood by that they are just friends and he doesn't know why he lied. I asked him to call her and he did, but she did not answer. She called me the following day after she talked to him and she also assured me they were only friends and she is married as well. I have no choice to believe them but something in my gut is telling me its lies. Well, a few days later, I'm using my husbands laptop and I go to retreive something from the recycle bin that I needed and I found an explicit video of my husband, alone, that I've never seen or knew he even made. The title on the video was I love you and based on the date, it was made while I was at a hair appointment. I confronted him about it he said he doesn't know why he made it and he made me get off his laptop. He seemed angry with me!! I left the house and an hour later I return for him to tell me he made the video for me but deleted it. I'm losing it...he's accusing me of relating everything I find to this initial situation which he lied about. And maybe I am. How do I move on? I really need help. I am dealing with some serious trust issues and I truly, in my heart, believe there is something more to this relationship than THEY are letting on. Oh and did I mention we are newyly married (1 year in) and I am 14 weeks pregnant...I really need help moving past this. Thank you for taking the time to read this.View Thread

Posted by jettiec

8 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Trying to get through my situation I need help, I don't know really where to turn so I figured a discussion board is the way to go. Just recently,...

Improve Your Relationship with This Essential Skil...

Relationships can be complicated; and the skills that make them successful are, likewise,...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

21 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Improve Your Relationship with This Essential Skill Relationships can be complicated; and the skills that make them successful are, likewise,...

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Boyfriend wants to "fool around."

I have known my boyfriend since I was a freshman in high school, he was a senior and a very good friend of my...

Posted by An_249772

I have known my boyfriend since I was a freshman in high school, he was a senior and a very good friend of my older brother. I wasn't very close to him then, hardly spoke to him through the years after he graduated. Heard from mutual friends what he had been up to, moving to be with the girlfriend he'd met on WoW, marrying her, her having cheated on him, then leaving him, and he joined the air force. There was about a six year span between the time we had actually seen each other until the night one of our best friends was killed in Afghanistan. We all went over to our late friend's parent's home and offered our support. That's where my boyfriend and I reconnected, oddly enough.

Throughout the events of our friend's funeral planning we came into contact more and more, and as he has told me since, he started to see me less as his friend's little sister and more of a person he could see himself with forever. Roughly two weeks after our friend's passing, his older sister got married, I had been busy with family during the day, but ended up going to the reception that night. I walked into it with the intention of spending the evening with a few girl-friends, but the second I entered the room, my boyfriend stood up and waved me over with a huge smile on his face. He had apparently been set up with one of the bride's friends, but wanted to spend the party with me. He was a little drunk, so I didn't think much of his advances, he had put his arm around me and had not let go the whole night. Eventually he asked me for a ride, since he didn't want to drive having had as much to drink as he did. We ended up driving around the whole night and talking, it was amazing. I have never been more comfortable with anyone, and honestly think I fell for him that very night.

We ended up spending every day together after that, he moved out of the house he shared with roommates just to be closer, and even called my brother to ask his blessing for us to officially date. He was gentle, he was kind, he was absolutely wonderful. But, being in the military, his leave was ending soon and he had to move a state away to Vegas and spend a year there for training. After only a month of dating, he asked me to go with him. After only a month of dating, he also told me he loved me, and that after his ex-wife he had wanted to be single for a while, fool around with a bunch of girls and experience freedom, but that I had changed all of that for him. I felt the same way about him, and agreed to go with him, knowing my family (other than my brother) would disapprove, and that going meant there was no turning back.

Flash forward to Vegas and slowly my boyfriend became more angry, he started lying to me about emailing people on craigslist, and telling me it was my fault for "snooping." The emails were to transvestites, and were anything but platonic. He told me after I pushed him that he was curious and only wanted to see one, but slowly this turned into wanting to fool around with one, and men too, and now he wants me to participate in a threesome with another girl. I am not okay with this at all, sexual contact is personal to me, intimate, but he sees it as just play. "They are like sex toys," he says. Now, after having told me he loved me, wanted to marry me, have children with me, and grow old with me, he is saying that because he is in the military and could get deployed and killed at any time, a life HE chose, he thinks he should get to "do everything he wants" beforehand. Which apparently means do everyone he wants before that happens. He claims that if we got engaged all of this would stop.

He has said that I can either basically allow him to cheat, which is how I see it, or leave him. I feel betrayed, I have fallen in love with someone and now I don't know what to do.

Do I allow myself to be unhappy so he can get what he wants, or do I try to move on?View Thread

Posted byAn_249772

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Boyfriend wants to "fool around." I have known my boyfriend since I was a freshman in high school, he was a senior and a very good friend of my...

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no sex ?

my girlfriend hasnt had sex with me for 3 and half years, she blames it on stress because of family. should i...

Posted by An_249763

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:no sex ? my girlfriend hasnt had sex with me for 3 and half years, she blames it on stress because of family. should i...

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is it okay to miss like 12 days of school in total...

missed that many days and im an senior. but my grades are good. i'm not failing any classes. but there not...

Posted by sylviacute1

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:is it okay to miss like 12 days of school in total? missed that many days and im an senior. but my grades are good. i'm not failing any classes. but there not...

Do you say Thank You?

For every act of giving, there must be someone to receive. And so, saying thank you is...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Do you say Thank You? For every act of giving, there must be someone to receive. And so, saying thank you is...

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Is it okay to stay close friends with him even tho...

I still have feelings for him, my feelings for him are still the same. and i asked him if he still has...

Posted by sylviacute1

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Is it okay to stay close friends with him even tho we broke up? I still have feelings for him, my feelings for him are still the same. and i asked him if he still has...

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Parents and In-Laws

Hi - just curious if any of you out there are hurt when your kids favor their inlaws instead of us the...

Posted by Anon_11642

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Parents and In-Laws Hi - just curious if any of you out there are hurt when your kids favor their inlaws instead of us the...

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paranoid..

I'm not really sure on how to handle this, or how to even get everything that is going on posted on here and...

Posted by An_249635

I'm not really sure on how to handle this, or how to even get everything that is going on posted on here and make sense. Basically my fiance and I have been together for a year ( I'm 28, no kids, and he's 26, with 2 kids) and have recently gotten pregnant. Yay! But aside from that, he had said he was going to work on his jeolosy issues, and nothing seems to be getting better. Granted I work basically with all men, and things said to me are not always appropriate, but I always handle the situation appropriately and would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. I always tell him about everything that is said to me and my response, but alot of the time my response isn't the "right" one or mean enough.

I have dealt with seeing his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend every week so he can get his kids for visitation (which they are both completely unstable) and have never done anything, nor lied to him about anything to make him feel that I would, it doesn't explain for the way he acts. We'll have these giant fights to where hes moving out and then all of a sudden hes "sorry for treating me this way and things will be better". I thought it was me so I went to counseling and got on anti-depressants for my depression, however I can see it's not. I don't know what to do, I love him with all of my heart and want to buy a house, get married, and have his child, but he acts like I put him down all the time, help everyone else more than I do him, or that I'm going to leave him for someone else.

Honestly it's just gotten tiresome to constantly explain to him that I'm not going anywhere and that I'm sorry for whatever some other girl did to him to make him this way.. but it's not me! When we talk and I tell him these things he'll get mad for a while and we'll fight, but eventually it's him crying telling me he's sorry. I am NOT leaving him, that is not an option, I just want things to get better, what should to do?!View Thread

Posted byAn_249635

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:paranoid.. I'm not really sure on how to handle this, or how to even get everything that is going on posted on here and...

Boyfriend hates exwife - Is there room in his hear...

My boyfriend has been divorced for 3 years. His wife cheated on him and this has left him very bitter. My...

Posted by An_249629

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Boyfriend hates exwife - Is there room in his heart to love me My boyfriend has been divorced for 3 years. His wife cheated on him and this has left him very bitter. My...

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How Do I Know It's Not Over?

we been going out for a year and a month and he broke it off with me cuz i got really jealous and looked...

Posted by sylviacute1

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:How Do I Know It's Not Over? we been going out for a year and a month and he broke it off with me cuz i got really jealous and looked...

How do i know it's not over?

we been going out for a year and a month and he broke it off with me cuz i got really jealous and looked...

Posted by sylviacute1

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:How do i know it's not over? we been going out for a year and a month and he broke it off with me cuz i got really jealous and looked...

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Let's just say I'm hurt, okay?

Well, I'm going to start off by saying I'm in pretty much the same boat as this guy, in the "I'm angry"...

Posted by firefox88z28

Well, I'm going to start off by saying I'm in pretty much the same boat as this guy, in the "I'm angry" discussion:

http://forums.webmd.com/3/relationships-and-coping-community/forum/828/57?pg=1

Anyways, I'm 27, and completely untouched (as in no intimate contact of any kind). Let's start there. I'm also almost flat broke and out of options (yes, I have a job, but it don't pay squat and the benefits are pretty much nonexistant, and apparently there isn't anything else around here willing to give me what I'm looking for weekly, which I at least THINK is not too much to ask). I've come to believe I suffer from what some know as AvPD (avoidant personality), but I can't afford to see a therapist to confirm. Having been in therapy before with negative success (at least 2 of them told my mother, who is the MAJOR issue in my life, that I was better off locked up), I've come to believe that psychologists/psychiatry may not help. Then there is the fact that I am resistant to any medication I have to take for more than 3 weeks (proven fact, and it's not because I don't take it).

I've fought for every single thing I have. Literally, I have fought for my life. It's in my name, even (no, seriously, it translates that way!). I keep up with the bills. I graduated with high honors from a technical school (don't have the job associated with it because I had the luck to graduate just before the economy crashed!). I've paid for every penny I've put into various projects. I taught myself to read and tie my shoes when I was younger. And yet, I keep fighting a losing battle with myself.

When I was in school (what seems like eons ago), I was the scrawny kid that got picked on and beat up for fun (because of the disorder that almost killed me). I was short and skinny as a rail. Now, I'm not so short, but you try finding pants and a belt for someone with a 29" waist (it's impossible... I have to go to the boys department for belts!). My experiences with the girls then were not favorable. And they got worse through high school, seeing all of the decent girls on the arms of posers, while I might as well have not existed.

And all of the while, I've been told I'm not so bad looking. Well, the way I see it, if that were true, I'd be married with kids by now. I don't drink (did that once on my 21st and almost killed myself... NEVER AGAIN), I don't go to clubs, and I don't really fit in much anywhere (because of the AvPD and because I only specialize in things most women could care less about). Pretty much all of my friends deserted me years ago, which adds to the loneliness.

I've tried, believe me. I met a couple women online a few years ago. One decided she would rather marry the guy who she KNEW cheated on her several times (for the money to pay her student loans off, nonetheless) than actually date me, and the other and I just fell apart after a year and a half without actually having met (still kicking myself over this one, and I really see no reason to as it was coming anyways). Now, I can't even get a 15-minute conversation going. Heck, I can't even get past the initial question. Of course, there's the girl at work that I know has been flirting with me for over 2 years, but she just had a kid with a guy who used to be my manager (and I KNOW is a real no-good), even though she does still continue to flirt. No, I won't get in on that. I figure if she's already been there, she's used up. And I figure I blew my chance years ago.

Is there possibly any way I can get some advice of sorts without having to sell my soul (if I even have one any more)? Being lonely and having nobody but my cat to talk to is getting a little old. So is getting less than 5 hours of sleep a night (on a GOOD night) and not being able to finish a meal (I can only eat so much at a time but end up eating again later again and again).View Thread

Posted by firefox88z28

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Let's just say I'm hurt, okay? Well, I'm going to start off by saying I'm in pretty much the same boat as this guy, in the "I'm angry"...

Limits of Good Cheer and a Positive Outlook

It is often helpful to approach your partner and life situations with a positive perspective...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Limits of Good Cheer and a Positive Outlook It is often helpful to approach your partner and life situations with a positive perspective...

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Losing A Friend Continued

Hi - just wanted to say - in case you are following this story - we were leaving to go to a restaurant for...

Posted by Anon_11642

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Losing A Friend Continued Hi - just wanted to say - in case you are following this story - we were leaving to go to a restaurant for...

Parental relationship

I am the oldest of 6 children. I am 23 and have graduated from college and am living in my own apartment paying...

Posted by tink89

I am the oldest of 6 children. I am 23 and have graduated from college and am living in my own apartment paying all of my bills except for my car insurance and cell phone (my parents pay for these) I just got engaged and am going to be married in about 8 months. (August 2013). The only thing in mine and my Fiances relationship that causes consistent tension and arguments is my parents. They are extremely overbearing and controlling and do not ever attempt to view the world through another persons eyes. With them, it is their way or I am being selfish, and I don't care about my family.

Dealing with my family has been something that I have just put off. I hate it when others are disappointing in me and if I do not do what they want, that is exactly how they act.

This year they asked me when me and my fiance would be coming fore Christmas (I live an hour and a half away, and already drive that distance every Sunday to visit and be in their church) And I told them that we would be there on Christmas morning and just stay for the day. Immediately my mother started 'offering suggestions' to come on Christmas Eve instead and said how dumb it was that we would want to be alone instead of with family. I expressed to her that it was not a lack of desire to be with family, it was simply more convenient for the pair of us, and we were just going to have dinner and exchange gifts. That was an unacceptable response to her and she has continued (Even this morning- Christmas Eve) to tell me how I am acting as though my family does not matter.

I know that tonight all they will be doing is watching movies. It isn't going to be a time of any specific tradition, just 'family time'. I have nothing against that, however my fiance is working today (his 8th straight day) and we would really like to just relax and not drive down tonight. We both feel that my parents are being unreasonable and that we should be able to come and spend Christmas day without causing an argument.

However, my mother now has blamed this 'non family oriented' behavior on the influence of my fiance. Perhaps my steadfastness is due to him. However, this situation is not. Whenever I do something that is not what my parents want, my mom guilt trips me and manipulates me to get what she wants. I asked he when she would start treating me like an adult ad respect my decisions and her response was "when you start making the right decisions, ones that arent ridiculous."

How do I change this unhealthy and controlling relationship to one that is appropriate??View Thread

Posted by tink89

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Parental relationship I am the oldest of 6 children. I am 23 and have graduated from college and am living in my own apartment paying...

Misunderstanding and causing troubles

dont know where to start,but whataver i do people nearby me misunderstanding me and spreading false...

Posted by An_248487

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Misunderstanding and causing troubles dont know where to start,but whataver i do people nearby me misunderstanding me and spreading false...

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What should I do?? URGENT!

Almost four months ago my girlfriend of over four years and I had a really big fight. We broke up and...

Posted by whatsthepoint11

Almost four months ago my girlfriend of over four years and I had a really big fight. We broke up and after a few days she came to me and apologized. I wasn't sure but she assured me that she was sorry and she wanted to work it all out. We had been having trouble for almost a year already and she has caused a lot of trust issues, but we love each other. About a month and a half after we got back together I took her to another city to go on a shopping spree for her birthday. We walked around a huge mall for hours and hours and I bought her over $300 worth of clothes and accessories. We had been doing really well in our relationship and I was starting to be happier. That night when we got back she wanted to go to this Indian celebration thing that her friends family was doing. I kinda felt abandoned but it was a special day so I told her to go and have fun. The next night I found out that she actually went to this Halloween party at a club dressed up in what looked like one of those outfits you get from an adult store... I was devastated. I called her and I said it was over and I never wanted to see her again. She came over to my house and begged to be with me. She apologized harder than ever and begged for quite a while. Her ACTUAL birthday was two days from then so I told her I would give her a grace period to see if she can make up for that betrayal. The next two days were pretty good but I was severely hurt. On her birthday I did everything I could to make her happy and she was rude to me. The next day she was really rude and I called her on it. She got mad and she left me saying that she "didn't know what she wanted and her life was a mess". I said I didn't want to take a break because we had just gotten off of one only a few months before. She left me saying she couldn't be with me right now. I felt so used and unloved. After about a week I agreed to try being friends for a while and we exchanged terms. My only terms were that she didn't get drunk (we are 19), that she didn't flirt or fool around with any guys, and that she attend therapy like she agreed to almost six months ago due to anger issues she has. Since we started this she has ignored all of my terms, been very mean and hurtful, and after two months of this she still has no idea what she wants... Now she says she needs some time COMPLETELY away from me. No talking or even the once a week I get to see her. I don;t know what to do because she has already broken all of my terms and I couldn't trust her to begin with. She called me drunk one night and told me that I should be happy because guys I "wouldn't believe" (meaning really really hot) were hitting on her all the time and she wouldn't give them her number and she hasn't cheated on me. That statement crushed me because she always said that she thought I was more attractive than anyone else and now I can see that is a lie.
Here's the thing... She has done so much in these past few months that I don't know if I can even be happy anymore. Should I give her the time away she says she needs? Will that help her want to come back to me? and How can I trust that she won't be with anyone else while she is "finding herself and fixing her life"?
Someone please reply soon. I have been getting extremely depressed and I don't know hat to do.View Thread

Posted by whatsthepoint11

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:What should I do?? URGENT! Almost four months ago my girlfriend of over four years and I had a really big fight. We broke up and...

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still coping...anyone relate?

About a decade ago I told my father he'd not be seeing me again. That was around this time of year. He got...

Sorry, forgot my pen.

Posted by DmndLife1984

About a decade ago I told my father he'd not be seeing me again. That was around this time of year. He got self-righteous but I haven't looked back.

After I'd tried to kill myself months before then, he was hundreds of miles away during my long recovery in the hospital. I did hear from him, but through his lawyer, about an unrelated matter, where he no longer wanted to pay money that he owed for my education. Maybe you won't be surprised, but when I got out of the hospital, I was looking forward to seeing him the way I usually did that time of year.

I was unemployed at the time, but he had me pay my own way (I can't remember how I did it) to travel those hundreds of miles to see him, where my stepmother was waiting to tell me she didn't think I'd really been ready to kill myself. After leaving that visit I did try once more, several months later, after which I told him we were parting ways.

I once had a dream that my stepmother resembled porn star Shy Luv, about as far from her as you can get, but funnily enough she wasn't even acting sexually in the dream, she was just a much nicer person. She and my father spent years teaching me, and I wasn't the only one, why I shouldn't expect anyone to like me, but I can tell you for sure that what they've been doing all this time is sitting at their dinner table, without friends, talking about how everyone else is worse than they are.

Even with people they did call friends, they rarely had anything to say behind their backs that wasn't completely condescending, especially that none of them had made anything of their lives. I liked those friends of theirs the most, and having drinks with their cousin Gloria from time to time, whom they couldn't say had made nothing of her life because she was Gloria Estefan, and I wish I could've seen more of her, but I had to get and stay the hell out of my father and stepmother's sphere of influence.

This is starting to feel like a very difficult time of year for me, but anyone with any kind of sense does get himself out of an abusive situation like that as long ago as I did, so it's at least one point I can give myself, and maybe you can give yourself.View Thread

Sorry, forgot my pen.

Posted by DmndLife1984

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:still coping...anyone relate? About a decade ago I told my father he'd not be seeing me again. That was around this time of year. He got...

Sharing the Pain- Newtown Tragedy

There are times when we are healed by sharing the pain; and clearly, the recent Newtown,...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Sharing the Pain- Newtown Tragedy There are times when we are healed by sharing the pain; and clearly, the recent Newtown,...

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