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What should I do?? URGENT!

Almost four months ago my girlfriend of over four years and I had a really big fight. We broke up and...

Posted by whatsthepoint11

Almost four months ago my girlfriend of over four years and I had a really big fight. We broke up and after a few days she came to me and apologized. I wasn't sure but she assured me that she was sorry and she wanted to work it all out. We had been having trouble for almost a year already and she has caused a lot of trust issues, but we love each other. About a month and a half after we got back together I took her to another city to go on a shopping spree for her birthday. We walked around a huge mall for hours and hours and I bought her over $300 worth of clothes and accessories. We had been doing really well in our relationship and I was starting to be happier. That night when we got back she wanted to go to this Indian celebration thing that her friends family was doing. I kinda felt abandoned but it was a special day so I told her to go and have fun. The next night I found out that she actually went to this Halloween party at a club dressed up in what looked like one of those outfits you get from an adult store... I was devastated. I called her and I said it was over and I never wanted to see her again. She came over to my house and begged to be with me. She apologized harder than ever and begged for quite a while. Her ACTUAL birthday was two days from then so I told her I would give her a grace period to see if she can make up for that betrayal. The next two days were pretty good but I was severely hurt. On her birthday I did everything I could to make her happy and she was rude to me. The next day she was really rude and I called her on it. She got mad and she left me saying that she "didn't know what she wanted and her life was a mess". I said I didn't want to take a break because we had just gotten off of one only a few months before. She left me saying she couldn't be with me right now. I felt so used and unloved. After about a week I agreed to try being friends for a while and we exchanged terms. My only terms were that she didn't get drunk (we are 19), that she didn't flirt or fool around with any guys, and that she attend therapy like she agreed to almost six months ago due to anger issues she has. Since we started this she has ignored all of my terms, been very mean and hurtful, and after two months of this she still has no idea what she wants... Now she says she needs some time COMPLETELY away from me. No talking or even the once a week I get to see her. I don;t know what to do because she has already broken all of my terms and I couldn't trust her to begin with. She called me drunk one night and told me that I should be happy because guys I "wouldn't believe" (meaning really really hot) were hitting on her all the time and she wouldn't give them her number and she hasn't cheated on me. That statement crushed me because she always said that she thought I was more attractive than anyone else and now I can see that is a lie.
Here's the thing... She has done so much in these past few months that I don't know if I can even be happy anymore. Should I give her the time away she says she needs? Will that help her want to come back to me? and How can I trust that she won't be with anyone else while she is "finding herself and fixing her life"?
Someone please reply soon. I have been getting extremely depressed and I don't know hat to do.View Thread

Posted by whatsthepoint11

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:What should I do?? URGENT! Almost four months ago my girlfriend of over four years and I had a really big fight. We broke up and...

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still coping...anyone relate?

About a decade ago I told my father he'd not be seeing me again. That was around this time of year. He got...

Sorry, forgot my pen.

Posted by DmndLife1984

About a decade ago I told my father he'd not be seeing me again. That was around this time of year. He got self-righteous but I haven't looked back.

After I'd tried to kill myself months before then, he was hundreds of miles away during my long recovery in the hospital. I did hear from him, but through his lawyer, about an unrelated matter, where he no longer wanted to pay money that he owed for my education. Maybe you won't be surprised, but when I got out of the hospital, I was looking forward to seeing him the way I usually did that time of year.

I was unemployed at the time, but he had me pay my own way (I can't remember how I did it) to travel those hundreds of miles to see him, where my stepmother was waiting to tell me she didn't think I'd really been ready to kill myself. After leaving that visit I did try once more, several months later, after which I told him we were parting ways.

I once had a dream that my stepmother resembled porn star Shy Luv, about as far from her as you can get, but funnily enough she wasn't even acting sexually in the dream, she was just a much nicer person. She and my father spent years teaching me, and I wasn't the only one, why I shouldn't expect anyone to like me, but I can tell you for sure that what they've been doing all this time is sitting at their dinner table, without friends, talking about how everyone else is worse than they are.

Even with people they did call friends, they rarely had anything to say behind their backs that wasn't completely condescending, especially that none of them had made anything of their lives. I liked those friends of theirs the most, and having drinks with their cousin Gloria from time to time, whom they couldn't say had made nothing of her life because she was Gloria Estefan, and I wish I could've seen more of her, but I had to get and stay the hell out of my father and stepmother's sphere of influence.

This is starting to feel like a very difficult time of year for me, but anyone with any kind of sense does get himself out of an abusive situation like that as long ago as I did, so it's at least one point I can give myself, and maybe you can give yourself.View Thread

Sorry, forgot my pen.

Posted by DmndLife1984

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:still coping...anyone relate? About a decade ago I told my father he'd not be seeing me again. That was around this time of year. He got...

Sharing the Pain- Newtown Tragedy

There are times when we are healed by sharing the pain; and clearly, the recent Newtown,...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Sharing the Pain- Newtown Tragedy There are times when we are healed by sharing the pain; and clearly, the recent Newtown,...

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wedding jitters & marriage surprises

i'm getting married to my girlfriend of 4 months this coming friday.. i am 27 & she is 22.. we're...

Posted by green_archer_24

9 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:wedding jitters & marriage surprises i'm getting married to my girlfriend of 4 months this coming friday.. i am 27 & she is 22.. we're...

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Losing a Friend

Hi - I just wanted to share something - I think I lost a friend - I was always doing the calling etc and I...

Posted by Anon_11642

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Losing a Friend Hi - I just wanted to share something - I think I lost a friend - I was always doing the calling etc and I...

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In need of some guidance

I need some help...because I am not sure how to go about this. Here is the story. I have a guy friend, we...

Posted by An_249454

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:In need of some guidance I need some help...because I am not sure how to go about this. Here is the story. I have a guy friend, we...

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Gift-giving question

Hi - have a question - I have this friend whom I don't see rarely anymore other than visiting on the phone...

Posted by Anon_11642

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Gift-giving question Hi - have a question - I have this friend whom I don't see rarely anymore other than visiting on the phone...

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Long distance relationship

I started a relationship with someone when they lived in the same area as I do. We were dating for about 4...

Posted by cadd77

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Long distance relationship I started a relationship with someone when they lived in the same area as I do. We were dating for about 4...

making himself miserable

A relative seems to do way too much with his girlfriend and her family, like spend weekends with horrible...

Posted by DmndLife1984

A relative seems to do way too much with his girlfriend and her family, like spend weekends with horrible people, that he really doesn't want to. I'd actually like to know the family more, but I remember once the night before he was headed to one of the most violent parts of the world, there was a get-together for him, and because her family was getting anxious about the time, he ditched me. He later called and told me nobody there was mad at me. I kicked the "wet floor" sign clear across a corridor where I work and asked him what the hell they could be mad at me for. Mad at me for being ditched? Not that I was too worried he wouldn't, but he did get back safely.

He goes to see her a lot, and never tells me even when we have plans. I can always tell when he's going, and still he always beats around the bush. He says he's satisfied, but for one, he's fascinated with my own sex life, always asking if I've made plans for call girls before I travel, and after I get back how that went. According to him I had more sex in one weekend than he does in a typical month, and I hope if I ever had a girlfriend myself, I wouldn't be so fascinated with someone else's sex life. I'm uncomfortable answering some of these questions after a while. His girlfriend did cheat on him once, but I don't know what that was about. He stupidly tried to rationalize it, and I did call him a wimp for that, and unfortunately, I believe he thinks if they split up, then he has no other options. I don't want him to snap, like sometimes I think he might after more of this, but I really think he needs to get mad.

My aggression has its own misery, but it wards off other kinds of misery. I may not believe I could have a girlfriend, but at the same time, unlike him, I don't believe in being jerked around, and I won't jerk myself around. A tall leggy blonde I briefly knew offered me her number once, asking if I would keep in touch because she thought I was a really cool guy. I was excited, thinking she was cool too, and called her at some point. She seemed excited to hear from me, told me she'd call me back on a certain day, and didn't. No matter how excited I'd been, and disappointed I was, I didn't call again because there's no way I was up for playing games. For him, I don't believe his current girlfriend is the only option, and that there are probably a few women in his circle who'd be glad to go out with him.

He asked me to bail him out the other night, as her plans he'd gone along with left him without food, so I pulled up and then bought him dinner. There's also the job he hates with the people he can't stand, and the health issues I don't think he's putting much effort into, but in short, I'm tired of all his negative tirades, none of which end in him putting his foot down. I'm not a good listener, not after a certain point anyway, and he'll get upset with me for telling him how badly I think he's handling all this. I've tried encouragement though and I've offered help, which doesn't work as usual, on anybody, so I'm done with that. It's Christmas time for God's sake, but I feel the only thing I can do for both of us is lay out. Why can't he do anything better for himself and why does he just want to complain all the time?View Thread

Posted by DmndLife1984

9 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:making himself miserable A relative seems to do way too much with his girlfriend and her family, like spend weekends with horrible...

You are special - can you feel it?

It has occurred to me that I wish all of the people who read my blogs could feel their value....

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:You are special - can you feel it? It has occurred to me that I wish all of the people who read my blogs could feel their value....

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Very grouchy husband

Hi - I don't know how to get along with my 73-year-old husband - my daughter and her kids don't like him -...

Posted by Anon_11642

Hi - I don't know how to get along with my 73-year-old husband - my daughter and her kids don't like him - he's messy with everything - from his pickup, to his den, to the table in our kitchen - my 4-year-old grandson didn't want to sit in his recliner yesterday because he said it's dirty - so now he has the same opinion. The recliner isn't that dirty - I cleaned it with upholstery cleaner today and just got a little dust out of it. I keep a pretty clean house.

I mentioned to my husband what was said and I just asked him if he can try to be a little neater and cleaner - he's really mad at me - the shower needed new caulking and my other grandson was told by his parents to NOT take a shower in there and so he used the guest shower downstairs and now everything is coming together about my husband, their grandfather - they don't like him.

His grouchiness is so upsetting to me and any time I have anything to discuss he gets angry and upset - etc - he does have high bp but I got a real good bp machine and it's under control now with good medicine.

I can't do anything about it - my granddaughter wanted to know how I met him and what I fell in love with etc - then she said "what happened?" - I'm embarrassed - People do change - but can't talk to anyone about this but here - I try talking to him about this - he complains he's this way because he had a bad childhood with an alcoholic father - he has 3 sisters and none complain like he does although I know being the only boy he had to do all the work on the farm and he did have a bad childhood. His mother was very sweet but his father made a lot of broken promises and drank a lot. But he still says he is this way because of that. When I met him I didn't see any of this. He just got worse with age and time. We've been married 42 years.

Anyway, I feel good venting to someone out there. Divorce won't work as I don't have any means to better myself. I try to do my own thing wit my girlfriends and am pretty success but then the time comes when he comes home from the farm - dirty from working real hard and beered up and grumpy. I feel I have an awful life - am 69 years old - my health is pretty good - I'm thin and joined a fitness center in the small town I live.

Anyway, if I have anything to discuss with him about anything he gets angry right away - we can't talk civil - it becomes a shouting match.

Life is short but sometimes I want to just cry and cry but don't have a clue what to do about changing this angry behavior of his.When I get really down I wish I were dead - we never have any fun at all - maybe going out to eat once in a while - and go to church together but other than that nothing.

Any suggestions would sure be appreciated. Thank you for listening to me.

No physical abuse but emotional abuse is just as bad in my eyes - can't talk with my kids - they are so busy with their lives - they know how he is but they can't do anything about it either.

Just a hopeless existence.

He has been working in the shower since he came home tonight which is good - I just went in there to see and he said "I'm sure this will never been good enough for you." I got so tired of the cracked calking I told him I was going to hire someone and he had a fit - so he comes home and is working in there all evening - scraping etc - I told him it looked good - he said nothing will ever look good enough for you.

I hate all these verbal insinuations - I had to take a tranquilizer last night as I couldn't sleep with such angry words. Why does one want to get angry every time you want to discuss anything? Can someone tell me what I can do so I don't get an angry response every time I ask something.

What am I doing wrong?View Thread

Posted byAnon_11642

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Very grouchy husband Hi - I don't know how to get along with my 73-year-old husband - my daughter and her kids don't like him -...

I don't believe in talking things over

I don't believe in talking things over because I think it's lame, turns whoever wants to do it into a nag,...

Posted by DmndLife1984

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:I don't believe in talking things over I don't believe in talking things over because I think it's lame, turns whoever wants to do it into a nag,...

Reposting for more input

I am not in the relationship anymore, but still struggle with the all the stuff in between good times and...

Posted by Vburns8461

I am not in the relationship anymore, but still struggle with the all the stuff in between good times and bad times. It is very confusing. I was involved with a man for for years. We were a couple.. He is 45 years old never been married and no children. I had a concern about that when I first started seeing him. He is/ was a very good guy in most ways. But...... When he would get upset or mad about something he would need time to cool off, not a normal time frame of calling off, it would be days, weeks, sometimes months. In the beginning of us dating, he got mad at me cause I did not tell people we were dating, when I really didn't know what we were doing , he hadn't kissed me, or acted like we were dating, we were friends and hung out a lot together , no intimacy, then once we were actually dating an a short time had went by he got mad cause he had been mad at me about something and I went to a neighbors party and he accused me of going there to be hooked up with some guy.... Then we worked through that, then he got mad that I wasn't ready for him to meet my mother. That time after he had bugged me about that for a while, he got mad and didn't talk to me for a few weeks, till I went to him and tried to talk.. So over a four year time span, he kept doing this, don't get me wrong he did a lot of really nice things also and had a lot of good attributes. But every time he would get upset about something he needed to walk away and cool off he said, some was trying to accept that about him, I called it his cave time, but it was always something else, didn't have to be major. He would fly off the handle at the smallest things. We are not together anymore, but I am hurting badly cause he blamed me for everything. He was never wrong, never sorry, never apologized, I couldn't ask him questions like how is your day, cause he worked a regular job and farmed , and if I asked him that between things, he would get mad and say ask me at the end of my day. Anyway we broke up for a long time, and then started tailing as friends, but then he would do things like hold my hand or kiss me, once in a while, but then he still got mad about little stuff and wouldn't talk to me for days. I always ended up going to talk to him. This last time, even though we were just friends, he was remodeling his bathroom and had no shower and he had worked till 930 pm and had been showering at his moms, so I offered to him that he could come to my house to shower and he blew up at me and said I was being disrespectful to his mother, offering that because what would she think cause she knows he cant shower at home, I replied I thought if your moon is like mine she us sleeping, I was trying to be thoughtful of his. On and he was yelling at me, and I replied your 45 years old so if you want to shower somewhere else, think your mom would know...he could have just nicely said thanks for the offer but my mom will worry or something if I don't show up but he went ballistic on me. I told him I felt he had anger issues and I did not deserve to be talked like that and I thought he needed to get some help with his anger issues. Have not heard from him, which is normal, but it hurts still that he thinks he is never wrong,.,,,,,,,View Thread

Posted by Vburns8461

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Reposting for more input I am not in the relationship anymore, but still struggle with the all the stuff in between good times and...

unfinished business (please, don't ask me to post ...

I unexpectedly met a couple women online 4 years ago ( I don't mean dating websites ) who meant a lot...

Posted by DmndLife1984

I unexpectedly met a couple women online 4 years ago (I don't mean dating websites) who meant a lot to me without my knowing. This was a time in my life where I wasn't able to connect with people, but now that I've been so much more stable for such a long time, I can't track either of them down. It's a lost cause with how much I've tried. Years ago each seemed to want me to make a serious move, made themselves vulnerable, in which case I'd had to make a tough decision. Now I'll never know; getting in touch with either may've led to nothing, and I'm willing to bet I was completely wrong just the same, as I've never had a girlfriend over 15 years of straight rejection.

I'm a single solitary man in a room I rent from a friend at a more than reasonable rate. On weekdays I wake up, work a blue collar job that I love, stop at the supermarket on my way home, make dinner, watch something on Netflix I can both enjoy and learn from (usually movies and shows from yesteryear), take time for sexual activity, and go to sleep. I've been working on my book for the past 2 years as well, which will take me a few more years to finish, and I devote my spare time to that, whether studying websites/books for research, or the writing itself. I don't have a car, so I walk everywhere, sometimes 10+ miles if necessary, no matter the weather, which is both because it's good physical activity and I really like doing it. My brother and I, and sometimes 1 or 2 others, play war games in a patch of woods only I know about for much more intense workout. On weekends I occasionally visit family a couple cities over. In short, I live a simple life that at least some people would tell me is boring. I don't have a college degree, and I don't have plans at this time to finish it, both because of how much money I'd have to spend with no guarantee of a job, and I'm much smarter than most who do have a degree anyway, even many who've gone so far as a doctorate.

Furthermore, I'm in my late 20s, lived in 4 countries, traveled through 12 overall, and while I'm no longer fluent in 2 of the 3 languages I was when I was a kid, I can probably get by in 4 or 5. I figured out 3 years ago (when I'd lost/hurt? these women), after 8 years of struggle, that I have bipolar disorder, specifically type II. Since figuring it out, when the Ivy League-educated doctors didn't no less, I've dedicated myself to the proper treatment. I'd never done anything too stupid over those 8 years anyway, but anyone who learns from me that I have bipolar II, especially after a couple years or so of knowing me, is surprised because the people they know with bipolar disorder seem to be potentially violent substance abusers who can't keep a job and may be in and out of jail. If the conversation calls for it, I also mention how over 8 years ago I'd tried to kill myself.

I do love my independence. Every cent I earn is mine because I don't have a family, wife, or girlfriend; don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't go for beers every weekend (I prefer the harder stuff, on a rare basis), don't drink daily coffee, don't play the lottery, and don't use a cellphone or landline. I save thousands of dollars a year as a result, and if I put my mind to it like I do everything else, I'll get that C5 Corvette. So far though I've taken myself through fast-paced adventures, back in Europe for example, involving some laughs with different interesting people and enjoying what they have to say, wonderful food, hotel rooms with incredible views through panoramic windows rather than slumming it with the hostel crowd, and delicate knocks on my door each evening from stunning call girls.

Life is better and instead I've met absolutely nobody. I might hate a relationship, but I can't help being curious, especially because I'd rather not sit here like a loser stuck in the past.View Thread

Posted by DmndLife1984

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:unfinished business (please, don't ask me to post elsewhere because of my mental health) I unexpectedly met a couple women online 4 years ago ( I don't mean dating websites ) who meant a lot...

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My boyfriend has started lying to me. Should I wor...

My boyfriend has recently started lying to me mainly about little things like where he is or what he's...

Posted by symarahmeme

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:My boyfriend has started lying to me. Should I worry? My boyfriend has recently started lying to me mainly about little things like where he is or what he's...

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im back with more questions...

hey all its me again (from http://forums.webmd.com/3/relationships-and-coping-community/forum/935) ....

Posted by chrissyzajac

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:im back with more questions... hey all its me again (from http://forums.webmd.com/3/relationships-and-coping-community/forum/935) ....

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long distance

my boyfriend and I have been on and off for 2 almost 3 years. We are 21 and 22 years old. He went away to...

Posted by dsmith33

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:long distance my boyfriend and I have been on and off for 2 almost 3 years. We are 21 and 22 years old. He went away to...

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LOVE LOST IN THE FIRE

How do you get it back? How do you get the LOVE you once had back? How do get the feelings back? How do you...

Posted by hollaback

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:LOVE LOST IN THE FIRE How do you get it back? How do you get the LOVE you once had back? How do get the feelings back? How do you...

How do you let go of something you so badly want t...

Hi there, About seven months ago I discovered that my boyfriend of two years had been emailing back and...

Posted by An_249289

Hi there,

About seven months ago I discovered that my boyfriend of two years had been emailing back and forth with a chick he works with (who apparently lives in a whole other country) a lot of their emails were simply getting to know one another as two single people would, flirting and chatting about all sorts of things. Except the chain of emails that he failed to delete from his email account hidden in a folder, that contained VERY provocative photos and trashy talk back and forthâ€¦.. There is a LOT of stuff that has happened since I found out seven months ago. I moved out, and then came backâ€¦we got a place togetherâ€¦fight non-stop about what he didâ€¦list goes on.

I do however want to just forget it. Like obviously I've "forgiven" him if I came back and am continuing our life together as we plannedâ€¦But seriously like it's been seven months! And from what I knowâ€¦it was only email, (and probably msn web came-but he denies that) Don't get me wrong, I think going for coffee with the opposite sex co-worker is cheating! I stand for NOTHING of any kind with the opposite sex..not family relatedâ€¦.I may seem crazy. But I don't care! Anywaysâ€¦It's been seven months, and I am literally still as bitter and everything as I was the day I found out. It doesn't seem like I've been letting go of it, or getting passed it at all. To be quite honest he and I both think that I have become bitter and more hateful toward him as time goes onâ€¦

What gets me is that I NEVER in my mind would have thought for one second that this man would do anything remotely close to that, to me. He's smart, has his head on his shoulders, mature, does everything and anything for me. Always supports me and just all round I held him on a pedestal. I just want the feeling that he gave me before I found out. Where I felt like I was the most special person in his life, the most beautiful person in the world to himâ€¦Where we were two peas in a pod, and we would be together forever! L I've tried everything to just let it go, and forget or just at least let me not show that I am bitter and angryâ€¦Nothing works long term. I'll be okay-not question him, or hate his face for a day or two, then its like BAM I hate his life again..(not really)but u get what I'm sayingâ€¦I want to be with him more than anything, and I do believe deep down that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me ever againâ€¦Now how do I live my life in peace, without stressing myself out and breaking his balls with 20 questions DAILY!View Thread

Posted byAn_249289

Take the Poll

How do you let go of something you so badly want to forget, but can't seem to?

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:How do you let go of something you so badly want to forget? Hi there, About seven months ago I discovered that my boyfriend of two years had been emailing back and...

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Couple Counseling

My boyfriend of 2 years just told me the other night that he isn't in love with me anymore. I can't say that...

Posted by An_246790

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Couple Counseling My boyfriend of 2 years just told me the other night that he isn't in love with me anymore. I can't say that...

Toss Your Unfaithful Thoughts in the Garbage

I just read about an interesting study (Brinol, Gasco, Petty, and Horcajo) that will be...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Toss Your Unfaithful Thoughts in the Garbage I just read about an interesting study (Brinol, Gasco, Petty, and Horcajo) that will be...

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Need Help very confused with ex

I am very Confused about what is happening in my life right now.. I was dating a woman for 6 years an 7...

Posted by An_249222

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Need Help very confused with ex I am very Confused about what is happening in my life right now.. I was dating a woman for 6 years an 7...