Hi, Deb. I'm sorry for not responding sooner, but between a very busy schedule and computer problems in the past week, I've been a bit out of touch. In any case, I'm glad the video spoke to you.
I'm sorry that you are so miserable and that you find it so hard to believe in yourself. While I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it better for you, the reality is that developing self-compassion takes time and effort. Many people who have a particularly hard time with this find it helpful to connect with others who are supportive and compassionate toward them. This feels good and provides a new way of understanding themselves. So, you might want to find and continue in these kinds of relationships (something that perhaps you've found here in this community? your therapist? and elsewhere?). You might find it helpful to give thought to which people in your life are just such a support so that you can consciously choose to reach out to them. Also, when you become impatient with yourself, you can hopefully find support and encouragement from them. With time, people who struggle with self-compassion often find that they can take in such support and offer it increasingly to themselves. Deb, I hope this provides some helpful guidance for you.View Thread
Thank you, TY. I'm glad to know that you are finding this community helpful. Please keep coming, and as you see fit, continue to chime in. And, maybe, as you feel the need, you can try again with therapy and find another helpful therapist.View Thread
I am so happy for you, too. I presumed when I read your post that you just hadn't finished up with him yet. Well, I guess I was right, but not in the way I thought. I hope you continue to grow and that you flourish with his guidance.View Thread
Covering expenses is a big part of life as an adult. Issues like this really need to be discussed in relationships. Partners need to work together to figure out how to manage their money -- including who is expected to earn what and how they expect to spend the money. Often, when one party is responsible for all money-related issues (other than just spending it), that person feels the burden, feels unappreciated, and often taken advantage of. This is never a good thing for the individual or the relationship. So, communication is necessary to work these things out.View Thread
Texting can be a great way to stay in touch. However, there are some messages they do a better job of delivering than others. For instance, it's a great way to confirm where you are going to meet up. However, you might want to think twice before venting your anger through text to your friend or partner.
What are some text messages that you've seen back-fire? What, if any, rules do you live by when considering whether to text or tell someone something in person?
If you would like to read more in detail about this topic in my The Art of Relationships blog, click here .
Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.
What a touching story. Thanks so much for sharing this, fcl. I do hope that people are benefiting from reading it (as you know, many people read the posts here without necessarily responding)View Thread
I'm sorry you are in such pain, but I take you reaching out here as a good sign. You seem to want to feel better and are looking for a way to do it. I hope that you get some responses that help. If nothing else, maybe others will share that they can relate. You are most definitely not alone with this struggle, and it can sometimes help to know this. As bad as what you are going through can feel, it's important to know that what you are feeling makes sense in your situation -- it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or that you are unlovable; it just means that you are feeling alone and in emotional pain.
As you said, you've read about what can help you through this. So, what are you doing now to try to help yourself? What do you do that helps, even if just a little bit? Keep in mind that even when your attempts to help yourself don't seem to help, they are making it possible for you to get traction out of this (if not right now, then at some other point).
Also, given how badly you are feeling, you might want to return to therapy, even for a short time, to help you through. Make sense?View Thread
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