What happened does sound awful! I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I wonder if there is a history of his being angry. Also, many times, when there is a big blowup -- especially one that doesn't seem to make sense -- there is an underlying reason that's not being address. And, it can help to try to talk about that at a calmer time. Along these lines, you may find the following blog entries helpful in talking with your husband: When You Fight: What Your Partner Really Wants from You and Communication Gap? Here's How You Can Build a Bridge .
I do wish you well in working this out with him... and I wish you all the best with your pregnancy!View Thread
When you offer for a relative to live with you, you might also struggle with concerns and doubts about how you can make it work. This is to be expected. The secrets to making the arrangement a success are communication and planning. For instance, before they move in, you'll want to talk about expectations regarding contributing to the house financially and with doing household chores.
If you have a relative living with you — or you are living with family — what are some of the issues that you've had to work through? And, what has worked and not worked in dealing with these issues?
If you would like to read more in detail about this topic in my The Art of Relationships blog, click here .
Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.
Most, if not all, women would be terribly upset by this comment. While he may have his own struggles with your weight that would be appropriate to share with you, how he shares it is essential. It's important not only that couples communicate, but how they communicate. Your post makes me wonder about the communication in your marriage -- if you are just upset by this one comment or if there is a pattern of poor communication.
I'm glad to hear that you don't need the one operation. But I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much emotionally. I hear that for some reason, you feel that you cannot reach back out to your therapist, but please keep the idea in mind so that you might do so in the future -- or, barring that, I hope you find professional assistance elsewhere.View Thread
Debbie: I don't know what happened, but it is common for people to get upset with their therapist. So many difficult emotions and situations are dealt with in treatment that difficult feelings get caught up in how people feel toward their therapist. When this happens, it is often helpful to think about the history of therapy and whether the therapist has shown himself to be caring and to work with you. If the answer is yes, then it is usually well worth it to talk with the therapist about the current issue with him -- to see if it can be worked through. This is especially important when the reason for seeking treatment is connected with difficulty in relationships. It is an opportunity to work through a problem with someone and hopefully feel stronger for having done this.
He was a true comic genius, as well as having incredible acting talent in more serious roles. It made me truly sad to hear about his death and about how his depression overcame him. I, along with you and so many others, mourn his loss.
Deb: Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts about the death of Robin Williams and for opening up the topic for others to share their thoughts and feelings, too. Such sharing can help people feel part of a larger community and it can be healing.View Thread
No one can make someone else else open up and address problems in a more mature way. You can ask. You can suggest. You can help to guide him. If he resists, you might suggest couple therapy for the two of you. And, all along the way, you can decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone who acts as he does. Everyone makes different decisions about how to handle these situations, so there's no single way to proceed. People generally find it helpful to really pay attention to and consider the signals they receive and to what their "gut" tells them.
Also, when people see a pattern of a particular problematic behavior, it often helps to focus on the pattern rather than just the most current incident -- otherwise, they get through the incident, only to find similar situations repeatedly happening.View Thread
Clearly something has triggered him to get this upset. It's often helpful in situations like this to ask yourself if you saw any sign of something being wrong before this incident, and if you have any sense of what might be wrong. Perhaps there is some clue of what's going on that you are not looking at? Has he ever acted this way in the past? Is there is problematic history between him and his father that this might have triggered? Any history of him having pets that might be related to his response?
In any case, to guide how much time and energy you are willing to put in to work this through, it is wise to consider the length of your relationship and how solid it's been until this point. Consider how long you are willing to wait this out until he's calm enough to talk more about the situation. If he has a pattern of this kind of behavior, you'll need to address this situation and the ongoing pattern (assuming you want to continue the relationship). Even if it's not a pattern, it is still generally important for couples to treat each other with respect even when upset with each other, so you'll probably want to address this at some point.
I wish you well in working this through with him.View Thread