It sounds like you and your boyfriend have some issues that need to be ironed out related to your concepts of family. Yes, his family is behaving in ways that upset you, but your boyfriend sounds like he is falling in line with them. For any relationship to work, the partners need to agree on certain basic ways that they will lead their lives -- and how extended family fits in with their relationship is one of them. So, when their ideas of family don't fit naturally together, they usually benefit from talking out the differences. I hope this works well for you.View Thread
This post has a different "feel" from your first post. This leads me to wonder whether the 2 posts represent an internal conflict -- which is something that many people have. Emotions sometimes tell people one part of their story while their intellect or thinking tells them another. Both sides must be taken into account, but it's also important to make sure you protect yourself if you judge a situation to be a threat to your emotional or physical safety. When people have such inner struggles, they usually benefit from consciously acknowledging the conflict and from getting support from others as they try to resolve it. So, you might find it very helpful to get support from him for your struggles. Also, hopefully you can get support elsewhere - such as here- for those struggles.View Thread
Being nice and accommodating are wonderful traits, but they can also be a problem. If you are so focused on making others happy that you don't assert what you really want, then you will end up feeling alone and unimportant — and others will never really get to know you.
If you can relate to this, how have you seen it be a problem in your life? How has it undermined your self-esteem or your relationships? If you have tried to overcome this problem, how have you done it? And, how has it worked?
If you would like to read more in detail about this topic in my post for WebMD's Relationships blog, click here .
Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional. View Thread
Often, people in situations where they feel they are not being respected just need some validation for how they feel and what they think about the situation. It also often helps them to talk through the situation with others -- as you are doing here. With this in mind, I'm wondering if these responses have provided you with some validation. I'm also wondering how these responses affect how you are thinking about moving forward with your boyfriend.View Thread
I'm glad you are willing -- and hopefully comfortable-- venting here. Everyone needs to vent sometimes.
I'm sorry that you feel you've lost a friend. As you focus elsewhere, I hope you find others who can fill the void of that lost friendship (though, of course, you can never really replace a person).View Thread
Hi, Deb. I'm sorry for not responding sooner, but between a very busy schedule and computer problems in the past week, I've been a bit out of touch. In any case, I'm glad the video spoke to you.
I'm sorry that you are so miserable and that you find it so hard to believe in yourself. While I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it better for you, the reality is that developing self-compassion takes time and effort. Many people who have a particularly hard time with this find it helpful to connect with others who are supportive and compassionate toward them. This feels good and provides a new way of understanding themselves. So, you might want to find and continue in these kinds of relationships (something that perhaps you've found here in this community? your therapist? and elsewhere?). You might find it helpful to give thought to which people in your life are just such a support so that you can consciously choose to reach out to them. Also, when you become impatient with yourself, you can hopefully find support and encouragement from them. With time, people who struggle with self-compassion often find that they can take in such support and offer it increasingly to themselves. Deb, I hope this provides some helpful guidance for you.View Thread
Thank you, TY. I'm glad to know that you are finding this community helpful. Please keep coming, and as you see fit, continue to chime in. And, maybe, as you feel the need, you can try again with therapy and find another helpful therapist.View Thread
I am so happy for you, too. I presumed when I read your post that you just hadn't finished up with him yet. Well, I guess I was right, but not in the way I thought. I hope you continue to grow and that you flourish with his guidance.View Thread