Hi anon, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you have to suffer like you do. I can't even imagine having to live with pain like that. Not at all..
I want to offer another point of view about suicide though. Once a person commits suicide they create a legacy in their family. Once one person does it it opens the door to others to do it. It becomes more acceptable as a way to deal with things.
The father of my friend's children is suicidal due to psychiatric reasons and he's had other family members who have committed suicide. It's now a part of their family legacy. It's now an option to those children. And it will be for their children.
Your life does have value to your loved ones. I'm sure they appreciate that you are still here for them.
Have you looked into a holistic doctor for treatment? Some people like to exhaust all options before they try holistic. Maybe you're there. It's not really as crazy as it sounds. A holistic 'doctor' is a medically trained doctor just like the doctor you see now they just have a different approach to finding the solutions. A whole body approach. I'm just trying to offer another solution to your pain.
I pray you're able to find new solutions and live a life without the pain. I know that may sound ridiculous with the amount of pain you live with but I pray it all the same. Take careView Thread
Hi Dennis! Happy Thanksgiving!
I was thinking of you today and hoping you were in good spirits:)
I've had a very nice day. I have the feast here at my house so I've been quite busy! It was a good day. Things quieted done sooner than I would've liked, but I think it's good cuz my body's ready to give up lol!
Maybe you gave them an opening, but so what, that could be said about any post here. When people post here they make themselves vulnerable and there are people who choose to take advantage of that.
There's nothing wrong with coming here and venting. Most of us have done that. It's good to get that initial weight off ourselves. It helps us to handle our situations in a more productive manner when it's time.
Unfortunately, sometimes we need to harden to people in this world. Especially on the internet where people get especially cruel behind the safety of their keyboards.
I don't think you should let this person or any other 'hater' take away from your experience here. If you ignore instead of engage them they will go away. I know that's easier said than done since they can really shoot low. Also I know you all are very close and treat each other as family and are very open. Don't let someone take that away from you!
I just wanted to let you know that when you are done typing your response to someone just press CTRL A (which will 'select all') and then CTRL C (which will 'copy' your response). This way if your response disappears all you have to do is 'paste' your response in a new reply. Which to do that just 'right click' and select 'paste'. This site has done that for years so I always try to cover by behind by doing that! Too much thought goes into responding to just lose it!!
Hi there, I think I have memory of your posts about this friendship and I'd like to offer a possible new perspective. I don't know, just my thoughts. From what my memory is giving me her husband is older, relies on her a lot, and maybe isn't in the best health? Maybe she's just embracing this time with him. I think of what it might be like towards the end of my lifetime and that it could be so frightening to think of losing my husband and best friend. And regardless of his health, the truth is there's a real possibility she will lose him and need a friend. That friend will probably be you. I hope you have it in you to embrace her then.
I know you say you don't think of her and even though you probably don't put your energy into worrying about her you DO still think about her. You care about her and your friendship. You shouldn't feel bad about that. She's important to you. It's not a weakness to reach out and let her know that. Life is too short. Maybe she's sitting at home wondering why she hasn't heard from you. Wondering if you're mad at her.
I'm in my late 30's and I don't have the drive and energy that you have! Ironically I do have friends like you though. Friends that get up and go all the time! Sometimes it takes a push from myself to contact them, feeling as though I'm interrupting them because they're so busy. But I do know they appreciate it and I make that decision. What I'm saying is maybe she has a hard time making that call. And maybe sometimes it's just hard for her to get away from her husband.
I don't think you should be upset with time gone by because time just goes by sometimes and we don't mean for it to but it still does. Why not reach out to her? Why not be vulnerable and find out if there is a friendship to be salvaged here?
If you were always the giver and she always the receiver and then one day you got tired of it it's not necessarily her fault. She got used to it just as you did. Now that you want things to be different the next step would be to communicate that to her and with specifics. The other thing is that we all have hang ups in life and maybe hers is this. Maybe she has a hard time being that person that instigates get togethers with others (but still enjoys the time with others). If so, then you decide if that's her down fall if you're willing to accept that as a fault of hers and move forward or if that is a deal breaker for you and you need to let her go.View Thread
It sounds like you two never discussed what her staying home was going to entail. But then you both had assumptions as to what it would mean. Now you're butting heads about it.
My personal opinion is that husband thinks that wife is his personal maid. He says Yeah she's working on getting her Masters but... like it's no big thing. It's a very big thing and exhausting.
Husband, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?? Your #1 complaint that you don't want to use the key is almost childish BUT the answer is sooo simple that it makes me question your motives. Just. use. your. key. That's it. Simple. Problem solved.
#2 (both of your #2) if everyone would always pick up after themselves the world would be a happier place! Hang up your towel, pick up dirty clothes, rinse your dishes - she's your wife, not your mother.
Hiding your income from your wife is another power trip your pulling on her and it's rude and not fair at all. You are married. This is a union that you are in together. You should be partners, you are on the same team. Work together NOT against each other.
Have you never heard the saying "Happy wife, happy life"? It doesn't mean you have to bow down and make yourself uncomfortable. It means these little complaints you have that you could spend 2 seconds fixing are worth fixing if it makes her happy because in turn she will want to do things for you to make you happy and then a circle of happiness ensues!
For the record, I am a house wife. This works for my husband and I. It's definitely not for everyone.
Your wife is working on getting her Masters which means she's not always going to be staying at home, so then what? You two need to sit down and discuss expectations and really LISTEN to each other and then decide what you're willing to give and take. Like maybe she's willing to answer the door when you come home if you're willing to clean up the kitchen after dinner.
You are a team. Work together and your lives will go so much smoother you'll wonder what the heck you'd been doing all this time arguing.
I seem to think that it's not just "something" you're looking for, but more of a deep connection. I bet you could be busy most of the day and still have that empty feeling.
It would be nice if you could find that with your husband. Find something new you both enjoy together or go help on the farm. But, I'm guessing after all these years you probably know what you do and don't like about the farm...still maybe worth another look?
So thinking about finding a deep connection makes me think of two categories: children & animals. Can you help out with disabled children somewhere? I imagine that would have to be a fulfilling experience. It would create deep connections with wonderful people and probably be tiring too.
Could you get a dog? Or even help out at an animal shelter? A dog does need most of your time and the bond created with one is pretty special. Plus, I'm sure your grandson would happy if you got a dog