tmlmtlrl :- Relationships and Coping Community -: Support Group

It sounds like your lawyer has a good plan. You'll have to just be patient with that part...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

18 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Ex is using me!!! It sounds like your lawyer has a good plan. You'll have to just be patient with that part...

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Reply: Problems after death

I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like going through all this has only brought...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Problems after death I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like going through all this has only brought...

Reply: why is cheating so fun?

Lol, I am a woman. First time I've been referred to as a man here. I just want to say...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

34 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:why is cheating so fun? Lol, I am a woman. First time I've been referred to as a man here. I just want to say...

Reply: why is cheating so fun?

Thank you for that. Now I want to elaborate on what I really meant when I said you're...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

Thank you for that.

Now I want to elaborate on what I really meant when I said you're just pissed off at your wife. I said it because I don't believe that you are the cheating type and I don't think you'd have so much understanding for what's happening here if it wasn't for the anger, resentment, and frustration you have built up right now.

Of course I don't know what's going on with your wife, but I think you're maybe blowing over the miscarriages too easily. I've never had a miscarriage, but I'm a very nurturing woman and I could see something like that really breaking me as a person. Again, I don't know her or how she is. She sounds depressed and possibly with good reason. She's just shut down.

Try to think of what her self talk might be like. She may feel like a failure or that her body is failing her. You two want a child and she can't do it. Part of self talk sometimes fills in what others may be thinking of you. She may feel like less of a woman, like a not good enough wife. Maybe she can't give thought to what you want because she doesn't feel capable. Maybe she knows that she's not giving you what you want and need and that's just circling around and reaffirming her self talk of not being capable or good enough.

This is all speculation because I have no idea what happened, how far along she was, or how you two handled it all. Maybe go to her with empathy. Talk about what's happened. Just get back to basics. Let her know it's ok and you love her. Maybe you have, but for how strongly I feel your resentment on here I can only imagine how bad it might be at home.

Another thing I don't get with you is you're not only thinking about buying a house together, but going to go thru with it all until you come to this "come to Jesus" moment. WHY? Why would you go on with life like this waiting to react when all along you could be acting? Why not bring it all to a head yourself? Tell her Hey, I'm not going to take these steps forward in our lives until we can resolve what's happening right now.

Do you understand how close you both are to being in this OP's situation? Do you get it that you're to the point that it would be good to hear that your wife was having an affair because you would at least have an answer then? That's not a good place to be. You have the power to make things happen. It is only hurting you and your marriage to sit around and wait to react to whatever she might come up with.

Whether it's about the miscarriage or not, there is a break down in your marriage and it's not going to get better without action. Be the hero to your marriage. Step up and say it's time for things to change. I can only guess she's not truly happy either. No spouse could be truly happy when the other spouse is so miserable.View Thread

Posted bytmlmtlrl

34 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:why is cheating so fun? Thank you for that. Now I want to elaborate on what I really meant when I said you're...

Reply: why is cheating so fun?

Dooood! Wasn't trying to be your buddy:) Honestly I was trying to spark empathy within...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

34 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:why is cheating so fun? Dooood! Wasn't trying to be your buddy:) Honestly I was trying to spark empathy within...

Reply: why is cheating so fun?

Dude, your pissed off at your wife. Your wife has checked out sexually. How would you feel...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

34 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:why is cheating so fun? Dude, your pissed off at your wife. Your wife has checked out sexually. How would you feel...

Reply: why is cheating so fun?

Your husband is responsible and at fault for the breakdown of your marriage, this DOES NOT...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

34 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:why is cheating so fun? Your husband is responsible and at fault for the breakdown of your marriage, this DOES NOT...

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Reply: Damn the past!!!

Hey Dennis, I agree with FCL. My husband and I have barely spoken of the past. I...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

35 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Damn the past!!! Hey Dennis, I agree with FCL. My husband and I have barely spoken of the past. I...

Reply: why is cheating so fun?

To add to what Roh said about it being forbidden: When you're with the other person you...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

34 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:why is cheating so fun? To add to what Roh said about it being forbidden: When you're with the other person you...

Reply: Hes so insensitive

I can really relate to your thoughts. And being consumed by them and wanting some sort of...

Posted by tmlmtlrl

I can really relate to your thoughts. And being consumed by them and wanting some sort of answer or response in any direction!

I'm trying to keep in perspective that what you are saying about your relationship is being said at a "down" time and focused on the negative, but I can't help but wonder those typical questions: Why are you with him? Why are you getting married? Even though a year seems like a long time it really isn't. It's hardly enough time to really start to see someone's true self and bad behaviors.

Have you two considered premarital counseling? We had some with the Pastor that married us and his wife. We weren't active in the church either. But what we learned was very valuable. It wasn't necessarily about specific things happening in our lives. It was more about what we both wanted from a marriage, what value we put on marriage, and things like that. But the other thing about it was that a lot of stuff was questions he had us write answers to but the answers were for us. He wasn't discussing what was right or wrong but that what we wrote was our feelings about things and a chance to see that perspective (and expectations) about each other.

Never assume your expectations are known.

I know these are things that you would want from him by what you wrote. I don't think you're wrong for wanting answers about these questions either. I suppose it's possible some of it has been about your approach to the subject(s), but that doesn't make you responsible for his failure to communicate back with you.

I hope you're able to get somewhere with your counselor and that venting on here helped get some of it off your chest until then.

I want to say though that it's never too late and you're NEVER in too deep. It's not only not wrong to be questioning your future and what you're doing, but very healthy and in your best interest to have a healthy future.

I really hope you are not getting married anytime too soon. You have some bumps to smooth out before you make that kind of commitment with someone.

Remember that what you want out of a relationship is never too much to ask! You deserve your expectations of a partner to be made.View Thread

Posted bytmlmtlrl

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Hes so insensitive I can really relate to your thoughts. And being consumed by them and wanting some sort of...

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