Dennis, I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. I'm glad you have some level of peace with it now. As sad as they are funerals can be a nice time to rejoice in someone's life and to catch up with loved ones. I always like to hear other people's memories of someone. Things you didn't know about or things you forgot that happened. I personally think that's all easier when someone was able to have lived a full life such as your father.
Dr. Leslie, do you have any thoughts or suggestions on any of this? I'd really appreciate hearing from you.
Also, thank you very much Roh and anon for your responses. They have been helpful.
I really tried hard to think of any other way he could have meant it before I went to my mom. I think I tried more than he deserved. I just don't get how that word applies to a child. Even those little Tots n Tiaras or whatever that show is where the little girls are dressed like women with a bunch of make-up. "Sexy" is not a word that comes to my mind when I see them.
Those are the only 2X. Once, in person, @ 1 y/o. Then now via text @ 5 y/o. But like I said, they live far away so he hasn't been around her and the opportunity to make comments (at least comments we know about) aren't common.
It does help to talk about it here for now. I was on the verge of telling my mom off a couple days ago. Still could happen but I think it would be more constructive now.
So yeah, that's the general plan. Move on but keep an eye out. The little girl doesn't live anywhere near him. First time it was when she was 1 y/o. He said "wow she's sexy". Now in response to a text message picture he said "is that sexy or what".
I went to my mother with concern with the matter (it's her husband). I let her know we were just concerned. There were no accusations! Really it took a lot to even have that conversation. There was a lot of thought put into what he could've meant by it and should I bring it up at all.
My problem now -- I'm being wrote off and not spoken to anymore for insinuating that he's a pervert.. That wasn't my intention and I didn't feel as if that's what I did either.
I mean it is what it is. I told her I wasn't looking to hurt her or her relationship.
I'm angry how they are responding. And it makes everything seem worse how angry he is.
It pisses me off that I'm being wrote off for bringing up a legitimate concern for her grandchild. She's ok with dismissing me and my family, her daughter and grandchildren because I came to her as an adult and had a heartfelt conversation about that concern.
I don't know what else to say. I'm angry. I'm sure it'll all blow up with us at some point. They can't just disappear forever.View Thread
Is it ever alright to call a 5 y/o sexy? Like "is she sexy or what"? Or "wow she's sexy"? Is there any circumstance that anyone else would be understanding of that? Can you just blow it off as no big deal? How would you handle hearing someone say that? Would it even faze you? Would you think twice? Would you be concerned? Please, any kind of feedback would be greatly appreciated right now. Thank youView Thread
I agree with what Sluggo said but want to add a suggestion.
I don't think it was necessary to say as much to your GS as you did. It would've been enough to say something general to him such as "that's grown up stuff that you don't need to worry about". Then maybe if he pushed about it let him know he can talk with his dad about it. You don't need any of your words being twisted or misinterpreted along the way. Plus, be extra careful to not argue through GS.
Also, I do agree it's a good idea to come here and get things off your chest. It does make it easier to bite your tongue later or to come at things with a better perspective. Take careView Thread
Hi Dennis, Congratulations! It is something to be celebrated!
I am now 4 yrs smoke free. This is the first time I went that long and the first time that it really feels like forever! People meet me now and are surprised I was ever a smoker whereas before that was part of my identity.
Also congrats on the working out. I know it's hard sometimes to follow thru but it's always so worth it! And $20 for that Ab Circle Pro was an awesome deal. Those things are like $150 new! I've always one but can't spend that much on one, so consider yourself lucky on that find!View Thread
Dennis, I have to say I'm disappointed to hear you say such a thing: "Why not? She has a mind of her own, and she was probably the one to initiate this strange relationship, right?"
How can you just speculate that she initiated the relationship? And "why not?" "she has a mind of her own"????? We're talking about a 15 y/o child. Her brain hasn't evolved enough to properly make decisions like that. She doesn't have the understanding of consequences yet at that age.
A 35 y/o MAN that took advantage of a 15 y/o is sick. Whether she initiated or not! He had no right to take advantage of her, and in a perfect world he wouldn't been locked up for it.
Again the sad part is that she didn't have anyone to protect her.View Thread