Anon, maybe you're expecting too much from her. She called to wish your husband happy birthday.. I don't think that was weird, I think it was her being friendly.
She did something a friend would do, and then you said she needs to do something to prove she's a friend. Maybe you have two different ideas of what friendship means. Apparently she doesn't fit yours and she's probably not going to either.
If she's not worth the effort to you why bother worrying so much about this? Why not try talking with her about what's on your mind instead of not calling her and hoping its going to change something?View Thread
I've thought about this and the one comment that keeps playing over and over in my mind is this "She once did told me that I was her ONLY friend and I believe it". Maybe the truth is she doesn't know how to be a friend. She probably appreciates you more than she could ever express.
How about instead of having big expectations out of her and your friendship you consider that the friendship is what it is. If that is alright with you. You don't need to be apart of a friendship that takes so much energy from you and leaves you feeling resentful.
I'm just guessing from what you've said of her she probably doesn't have much self esteem and enjoys what she gets from you and has no idea how to return it. When you ask why she doesn't call it may just confirm to her her worthlessness. Not that that should be your burden to carry. Just maybe if you guys are neighbors then every once in awhile you can call her up for a walk and some girl time. Just know she's not going to be more than that. And ONLY if you are alright with that.
When your talk about her putting her head down when she answered you, that is a sign of shame. Not necessarily a lie. Obviously I don't know, but it was shame she was feeling.
Since you don't really have anything to lose here why not ask her "do you like me" "does it bother you when I come around" "do you spend time with me out of obligation" "I wonder because we only get together because I call and it makes me feel like you don't really value our friendship"
She might think you are always too busy for her and she doesn't want to call you and interrupt your life because in her low self esteem she's not worth it. Just an idea.View Thread
Dennis, I'm so very sorry to hear the news ((Hugs)) .
I think crying is necessary now. Don't think twice about it.
I want to comment on your questions about the funeral. Put one foot in front of the other and do what you need to do. Whatever you can handle. Like you said, you have to weigh out how this will affect you in the future. And know the easy way out is often not the answer.
In my experience by the time it's time for the burial most of the emotions have been poured out. It tends to be a more tranquil time. It maybe even helps to close the chapter of the experience. There are some peaceful moments to be had then. It is still hard, don't get me wrong there. I just wonder if it would be helpful for you to go to that part.
I don't believe there is protocol for death and how you handle it. Everyone handles it in their own way. Others don't always agree with it, but it is not their burden to carry. It is yours alone so you do what is right for you.
Joe is at peace now. Remember to celebrate his life and not focus on his death. Talk to him always.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and know we are all here for you.View Thread
OHH, I also wanted to comment on this "I don't get that? I guess they don't love him as much as they claim? So sad."
PLEASE get that out of your head right now!! Everyone handles death differently. You should not judge them at all. Yes encourage them but do not judge them. Death is personal. There is no right way to handle it.
KNOW that they Love their dad. How much is between them and God. It's not of your concern, they love him. With out a doubt they love him. Maybe you measure love by different standards than others, it doesn't make their love any less.
Get that negativity out of your head now before it comes out. You stay positive for Joe and his kids. Show them love too. Maybe they'll come around more. I'm sure you will see their love for him and for you after he passes. Don't make waves now. Love them because they are still his children.View Thread
Hi Dennis, I hope you and Joe are both doing alright. I'm sure it's scary for both of you to know that you're down to 'any day now'.
I'm wondering about his daughters. Does Joe express hurt/anger about his daughters not coming more often? I'm just thinking that since you're all down to his last days that maybe you could encourage him to say something to them. Let them know he wants to see them as much as possible these last days. I wonder if part of them is in denial.
I was thinking too that you might want to encourage any last minute wishes he has be taken care of (if not already). If there is anything that he wishes for you to have from his home I suggest you get it asap. You would be sickened to know how quickly things will disappear after someone dies. Maybe he could even Will his tools to his daughter (whose husband took them already).
I will assume these are truly his last days since he can't even return home. I pray for you both.
Maybe you could have one of the hospice workers say something to the daughters about saying their peace with their dad before he goes. I just get the feeling there are things left unsaid between them and soon they will run out of time. It's not something you can get a re-do on. And not something they want to live with forever (the what if / I should've said...).
As for starting another discussion just go to the top of the page and hit Post Now and select Discussion. I'm interested in how to make friends myself. I have some potentials out there, but don't really know anymore how to take the steps for a real friendship to begin. Plus I get pretty picky on who I let close to me which is why I've only had one BFF for the past 16 yrs.View Thread
Hey Dennis, congrats on good times with Joe And on the VA stuff. I've heard it can be very trying to get through to them.
Are you close to Joe's daughters at all? When you say they are jealous is that an assumption or was something said or happen?
Maybe you could have a word with the girls and let them know that Hospice doesn't just come to people's houses when they are sick. Hospice is there to make people as comfortable as possible....well you know. They can live in denial until reality hits them in the face or they can embrace reality now and spend time with their dad. Of course you can't make them do anything, but maybe you can help give them a kick in the butt? Lol.
Have a great time eating cake n good food with Joe View Thread
Honestly it sounds like he doesn't want to get married anymore. You know how sometimes people say they don't want to end things with someone because they care about them and don't want to hurt their feelings? And then they start being rude and dismissive to that person so that that person will be the one to end things instead? By what you wrote here that's what it sounds like to me.
As far as him saying "I disagree with you" my reply would be "I understand that you don't agree with what I'm saying, but I need for you to acknowledge and understand what I'm saying" and possibly add on "what I'm feeling is still my feelings and my feelings are important". It's not ok for someone to just blow off what you're feeling like it doesn't exist or matter.
Again, with that said, maybe you should evaluate if you want to be in a relationship or married to this man anymore. Maybe it's time to move on.View Thread
It's pretty obvious when I get mad because I get quiet. I feel bad for doing that, but don't know how else to manage the anger. What I do with my silence though is evaluate the situation and try to come up with the right words to use to get my thoughts through to the other person.
So it always ends up with me mustering up the strength to just say what is on my mind, in a kind-as-possible way. I'm pretty straight forward with my words then too.
I believe ultimately it has a good affect on our relationship. We have a strong relationship. It actually mostly sucks for me because I'm the one holding onto all these feelings until I know what and how I want to communicate them. My husband is very receptive of what I have to say. He's understanding and he doesn't like conflict so things are quickly resolved.
We don't do the name calling or "well you did this.." stuff. We put it out there and get it dealt with so we can be happy.View Thread