Hi Dennis, I hope you and Joe are both doing alright. I'm sure it's scary for both of you to know that you're down to 'any day now'.
I'm wondering about his daughters. Does Joe express hurt/anger about his daughters not coming more often? I'm just thinking that since you're all down to his last days that maybe you could encourage him to say something to them. Let them know he wants to see them as much as possible these last days. I wonder if part of them is in denial.
I was thinking too that you might want to encourage any last minute wishes he has be taken care of (if not already). If there is anything that he wishes for you to have from his home I suggest you get it asap. You would be sickened to know how quickly things will disappear after someone dies. Maybe he could even Will his tools to his daughter (whose husband took them already).
I will assume these are truly his last days since he can't even return home. I pray for you both.
Maybe you could have one of the hospice workers say something to the daughters about saying their peace with their dad before he goes. I just get the feeling there are things left unsaid between them and soon they will run out of time. It's not something you can get a re-do on. And not something they want to live with forever (the what if / I should've said...).
As for starting another discussion just go to the top of the page and hit Post Now and select Discussion. I'm interested in how to make friends myself. I have some potentials out there, but don't really know anymore how to take the steps for a real friendship to begin. Plus I get pretty picky on who I let close to me which is why I've only had one BFF for the past 16 yrs.View Thread
Hey Dennis, congrats on good times with Joe And on the VA stuff. I've heard it can be very trying to get through to them.
Are you close to Joe's daughters at all? When you say they are jealous is that an assumption or was something said or happen?
Maybe you could have a word with the girls and let them know that Hospice doesn't just come to people's houses when they are sick. Hospice is there to make people as comfortable as possible....well you know. They can live in denial until reality hits them in the face or they can embrace reality now and spend time with their dad. Of course you can't make them do anything, but maybe you can help give them a kick in the butt? Lol.
Have a great time eating cake n good food with Joe View Thread
Honestly it sounds like he doesn't want to get married anymore. You know how sometimes people say they don't want to end things with someone because they care about them and don't want to hurt their feelings? And then they start being rude and dismissive to that person so that that person will be the one to end things instead? By what you wrote here that's what it sounds like to me.
As far as him saying "I disagree with you" my reply would be "I understand that you don't agree with what I'm saying, but I need for you to acknowledge and understand what I'm saying" and possibly add on "what I'm feeling is still my feelings and my feelings are important". It's not ok for someone to just blow off what you're feeling like it doesn't exist or matter.
Again, with that said, maybe you should evaluate if you want to be in a relationship or married to this man anymore. Maybe it's time to move on.View Thread
It's pretty obvious when I get mad because I get quiet. I feel bad for doing that, but don't know how else to manage the anger. What I do with my silence though is evaluate the situation and try to come up with the right words to use to get my thoughts through to the other person.
So it always ends up with me mustering up the strength to just say what is on my mind, in a kind-as-possible way. I'm pretty straight forward with my words then too.
I believe ultimately it has a good affect on our relationship. We have a strong relationship. It actually mostly sucks for me because I'm the one holding onto all these feelings until I know what and how I want to communicate them. My husband is very receptive of what I have to say. He's understanding and he doesn't like conflict so things are quickly resolved.
We don't do the name calling or "well you did this.." stuff. We put it out there and get it dealt with so we can be happy.View Thread
Since you titled this "Is that my Best Friend's hubby" then my answer is absolutely. I would approach them, introduce myself, and if need be flat out bust him out. No hesitation.
I wouldn't do that for just anyone though.
Anon_99, how close are you to this friend? Do they suspect anything? Why not say "Hey, I heard such n such through gossip and it worried me, what do you think?". What is holding you back? Is it the chance that the info is wrong?View Thread
Onesmartperson, I can appreciate the bond that you and anon are forming on here. You can create a "fake" email and post it so that you two can begin conversing outside of this site.
HOWEVER, I really want to say that even though her husband and your ex have so much in common DOESN'T mean they are one in the same.
You keep saying that her husband is not capable of being a different man and that's not fair. No one knows that but them. If it were to come down to losing his wife/family he may truly surprise her. It shouldn't have to come down to that and hopefully it won't.
Anon, talk to your husband. Tell him you're not alright with living this way for the rest of your life. Ask him to attend couples counseling. Be honest. Get the conversation flowing. Sometimes brutal honesty is necessary.
I wish you luck and strongly suggest you at the least back away from the other man.View Thread
I've been reading this thread and finally want to say my peace about it so here it goes...
Yes, trust is a vital part of a relationship. But another vital part is RESPECT. This woman does not respect you or your relationship. I don't think you should be with her. I think you are wasting your time with her. Honestly, that would've been my reply to your initial post but I saw others were going another route with you so I thought I'd shut my mouth. I prefer not to be a downer.
Personally from my p.o.v there are many lines crossed. I would tell any friend in your situation to get out because no one deserves to be treated this way. But this is all my opinion. Remember -- you teach people how to treat you.
All I can think is 'she must be hot' that you would tolerate to be her man yet at the bottom of her list. There is a good woman out there that will make you a priority in her life, I'm sure of it. Go find her.View Thread
Very good to hear! I pray Joe has much more time on this earth. Each day is a gift.
My bff's mother was one of those that would shut her oxygen tank off to smoke a cigarette. I personally have been 3 1/2 years smoke free and I feel great. It can be done.
I thought of you today. I live out in the country and I went for a walk today. It was a very peaceful walk (and really needed as I had a bad morning). Anyway, I looked up and saw a dove on the powerline and it reminded me that I have symbols here that connect me to my loved ones passed.
After my grandmother passed I had a dove show up on my front porch for a few days. My belief was that it was her spirit. When my children's father passed a dove showed up on the porch of his house and my son's best friend touched it. For years now when I see a dove it reminds me of my grandma and when I see a red tail hawk it reminds me of their father. Not just reminds me, but I take a moment and feel their presence and say hello and know they are watching over me.
Like I said, it made me think of you, and I wanted to share that with you. I suppose it all has to do with perception and faith. I believe Joe will never completely leave you.
Please don't get your hopes up too much. Dying people can have good days. I really didn't want to say that and you probably already know it. Just keep reality in perspective so that you don't suffer even more. Joe will be in my prayers. Take care.View Thread
Did you talk to him about your feelings?Dennis, this is as much about you as it is about him. I have a friendship like yours and I absolutely believe you need to express your feelings. Your level of acceptance will probably never be what his is because you have to stay on this earth while he leaves, but you do need some level of acceptance. It's ok to feel selfish. Selfishness isn't always a bad thing. It is important to be worried about you.
I think when the time comes you will find solace in his feelings of acceptance and what he feels lies ahead.
When the time comes may I suggest you pick a star in the sky to look to and identify Joe with? This way you will have something physical to look to and a way to talk with him. Maybe seems silly but it works for some people.
After re-reading I see you do have a level of acceptance. It is the after that you fear. Honestly I have the same fear about my friend as she continues to smoke after watching her own mother die a very slow miserable death from emphysema. She was only 54. I believe it's the same path my bf is on and it angers me that she's.......grrrr. Nevermind, I just relate because sometimes I do think of those days ahead so your post hits home for me even if in the future.
take care, I hope you have a nice visit today.View Thread