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I'm curious if either of you have thought of/talked about him moving and either finding work in your area or telecommuting with his current job...with the premise he keeps his house? Maybe as a temporary compromise? I'm thinking that would allow you all live and work where you live currently during the week and would allow you to spend weekends at his house.View Thread

I'd hug you harder!!View Thread
I'm sensing a bit of insecurity on your part that you may want to look at and find your own resolve with. Maybe talk it out with a girl friend, your obg/yn, or a therapist? Perhaps others here will have better insights to offer.
His avoidance is concerning...at this point it may be off-putting to him to discuss a "time frame" because he is not quite ready...if he's getting the impression you are, he may be afraid of disappointing you. I'm not suggesting you don't talk about having/wanting children but rather find a way to do so without creating pressure for him. Does that make any sense??View Thread

I've been hung up on all this change that just happened. There is no dealbreaker issue. The issue is he's not committed to the marriage anymore. I know he loves me - but not in the same way he used to. I don't entirely understand why that changed. But I get that it has...accepting it is what I struggle with, and it does get better as time goes on. Still, anytime I am at the house and alone, when a car drives by I check to see if its him coming "home"...and its sinking in that he is not.
Pi, you said hold him accountable for not being with you and file on your own. That is the cold, hard, truth, staring me square in the face. You're right, the reasons do not matter - the facts are this...he left me almost a year ago threatening divorce, he's strung me along with his waffling, and now he says he doesn't want to be married. Its time for me to serve those papers and let go so I can go on with my life and let him figure out how to deal with his reality.View Thread


I've practiced yoga on and off over the last 10 or so years...more off than on lol! When he first left last fall, I took to morning yoga in the comfort of my own home...then I fell on my a$$ in depression and stopped. Later, I joined a gym and did that for a while but finding that oomph of drive to keep with any of it falls by the wayside. I am well aware of the benefits, I seem to be the only pitfall.
I do know the serenity prayer! Thank you for mentioning, its worth revisiting.View Thread

Me being "fine" or "ok" is what is conveyed through texting every so often when he feels like contacting me. When we are face to face it's a different story. Its hard to smile, but I do try and lighten things up if I can. He knows me well, and he knows when I hold back from crying - that's why he only visits when he is doing ok and then leaves when our emotions get too much for him to handle.
Please don't get me wrong I see where you are coming from...I haven't just not expressed myself with him throughout all of this. I have. I've lost control of my emotions in front of him, I've stated what I want and how I feel many times. I don't feel that screaming or yelling at him will accomplish anything - i do that when I am alone. I get it out so I won't explode in front of him.
Thank you for what you've said/suggested. Especially the yoga classes!
View Thread
And you know what? Even as I write this $h*t I see what an idiot I am. I totally get that if its going to be done I'm gonna have to take care of it. I'm sorry, but it just burns my a$$!!!View Thread

My kids aren't his, and they are both legal adults. But I get what you are saying...it's probably half the reason why he hasn't taken that step yet.
As it is, I'm tired of randomly getting a text asking how I'm doing...I'm not a liar but for the sake of drama I say I'm ok when I want to scream and hollar how I really feel! When we are together, it feels so akward to me - like I don't even know how to "be" around him. I'm tense, anxious, sometimes withdrawn, sometimes compassionate - but I am completely in an unnatural state of mind. Thinking this is my husband, and at the same time thinking who is this guy??? Its actually pretty surreal and I don't like it one bit. It a really odd feeling of wanting him to be there, but also not wanting him to be there. It F***s with my head. Thanks for the kind words and huggs.View Thread

He hasn't done his part so we can file income tax returns for the last two years...I'm tired of asking him about it, hearing the same answer of "I'll get to it this week" and a month later nothing has been done. He'll make up an excuse about how expensive it is to file, but I've suggested working out a deal with our accountant. He says ok. He said he needed to order copies of his bank statements from the bank and that's gonna cost money - I handed him all the paper statements, in order by month/year for the last three years! Still no forward movement. I'd love to take the reins on this but I don't do his bookeeping - his responsibility. He admits it would take maybe a day to do and I've offered several times to sit down with him and help. I've got letters from the IRS about not filing and I don't want to go down that road...he understands. Still, not getting anywhere. Then there's other money issues. Last winter he agreed to be responsible for the mortgage and fuel for the house...just as he had been all along. We got behind, went to the bank and worked out a short term solution. Great. Mortgage has been late every month for the past three years...my credit is ruined because of that. I pay my bills on time! Since this spring, I've taken over the fuel portion, and a few times he's asked me for money for the mortgage. Money is tight for me too. I pay all the household bills, food and any extra emergencies that come up (i.e. health, car, repairs, etc) for me and my daughter. If I am lucky enough to have an extra $100 for the mortgage so be it. Its no fun knowing I don't have an extra $150 here to go camping (like him), or $100 there to take a "friend" out to dinner. He cries money's tight...he lives with his sister - I'm pretty sure he's paying very little rent if any or any of their household bills. I've been working my a$$ off getting wood ready to burn to help cut the cost of fuel this winter. He got the wood splitter back to the house so I could use it...didn't offer to help me get wood ready. I'm not going to ask, I have friends who are helping me. I've told him I plan to get a second job to help pay for fuel this winter cause I'm pretty sure my hours are gonna get cut. So I get a text from him last week that he can't stand the thought of me being cold (weather forecast) do I have enough fuel for the chilly night? Awwww....how sweet! He's thinking of me and wants to help. Damnit!!! My cold heart kicks in. I let him know I already got fuel for the house that week and didn't need any...and I already had a fire going to keep warm. Which is the truth but I so wanted him to just come over and put fuel in the house on his own. To reinforce he says call me if you need anything. Just like when hurricane Irene was passing through...That last part is the person I used to know - the rest is someone I don't recognize. It frustrates me!
I don't want to sell my house and move but I might have to. Even if things move forward and I decide to keep it we refinanced 1/2 as much as we owed on it three years ago to bail his business out. Why should I pay for that? Then there is the issue that the house is a constant reminder of our life together.
I'm trying to be strong, to let go, to find myself again. I'm unmotivated and broken...that's just not me!View Thread
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