I have been living with my partner for 4 years now. We met on an on-line dating site and conducted a long distance relationship for 5 years before I uprooted myself and moved across the country. Our relationship has been a good one for the most part.
Two years into this I found out he was still talking to women on-line and still had an active profile up. We talked about it and he swore he would take it down. (at the time he was working from home and he said he did it because he was bored by himself all day!)
Fast foward two years and he is at it again! I felt something was up (women's intuition is a powerful thing!) as he was ALWAYS on his ipad especially when I left the room. I could see him grab it and once saw photos he was commenting on. He has been out of work for two months and has just recently started back so I kind of suspected something like this.
Today when he left for work I did a search on our shared laptop and I found he is still doing it. He has an active profile and has been chatting with women he has met on this dating site. I did not open the messages...my heart can't take it.
My ex cheated on my for the whole five years we were together and I swore to myself I would not put myself thru that again. I love him. He acts like he loves me. I don't understand and I don't know what to do.
We are not youngsters, he is 56 and I am 52. I take care of myself and look good (if I do say so myself). He looks pretty good as well.
Do I stay and say nothing? Do I go back home? I am so hurt and at a loss on what to do. Another thing...big thing, is that I have no money of my own. I work retail and my hours have been recently cut. I owe everyone money and my credit is SHOT! I mean judgements against me and all that. I feel trapped. I would leave in a heartbeat if I had somewhere to go.
Something else, he is getting ready to go to FL for a week next week and I know I will spend the whole time wondering if he is seeing someone he met online. I just can't do it.
Sorry this is so long. Any advise would be helpful. Thanks.View Thread
I have lived with my boyfriend for over a year and am happy with our relationship for the most part. I do have one concern though and would like some outside input. I moved into my bf's house and he had lived alone for almost 20 years. He did not go thru his things and throw out pictures of old girlfriends. He did not go thru the computer and delete pictures or videos of old girlfriends. And by pictures and videos I mean explicit sexual ones. When I do run across them and let him know, he will either throw them out or delete them and it's no big deal. It does make me feel unsettled though and a little hurt...I know he had a life before me but to SEE it hurts.
Anyway, to get to my question. He has all these photos and videos and has never once asked me to pose or asked to film us. I am not a prude and he knows this so it's not as if he would think I would be offended by this request. So...am racking my brain to understand.
Thanks for that. It makes a lot of sense. He had dated so very many women in the past but I am the first since his divorce 20 years ago who he has asked to live with him. So what you say...makes sense to me...and makes me feel better. : )
When I initially found the first ones...he deleted them. When I (innocently) found a few more...he deleted them as well. Then he went thru everything and deleted what he found. I told him if I ran across anymore...I would delete them myself and he said that was fine.
And if he is upset with me for doing something we agree was alright to do...then we have a bigger issue.View Thread
Thank you again...it really helps to talk about this with people who are totally uninvolved. lol...
I agree with you about the snooping...I know it's wrong...and I also agree that you will always find something. Trouble is...when you snoop you can't bring it up without reveling that you snooped. So...it's really a lose lose. I will just blame it on my past and stop. I truly am only hurting myself.
I don't bring up things I find when I have snooped...I just delete them. And while it is very hurtful to see him having sex with someone else..in my bed (even thought it was before me)...I don't watch them. I delete.
He is a good man and I love him. I just wondered why he never requested to make a 'movie' with me. Somethings are just beyond understanding and I should stop stressing.
You are correct in your assumption that he is over 40, we both are. And we do have a very active, loving sex life. He is adventurous as am I.
I will admit that now I am 'looking' for the photos...before it was purely accidental. Getting a book...finding pics inside. Downloading something and clicking something else (VERY computer illiterate here). Now though I do look...I will even call it snooping however ugly that sounds. Prior to this relationship I was in one where I was cheated on time and time again. I admit I do carry hurt and mistrust from that...although I do try not to color my current relationship that that brush.
I have attempted to talk about this with him...but he is an extremely private person and may be slightly embarrassed by it. So...all he will say is that he had a life before me and if I see anything to let him know. It's strange though...before we lived together (we did long distance for 5 years) we did send explicit pics and messages to each other.