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Reply: Friends, Lovers, and Marriage

Would he have to pay alimony if she is cheating??? lol I hope not

Posted by ajohnson08099

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Friends, Lovers, and Marriage Would he have to pay alimony if she is cheating??? lol I hope not

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Reply: Should you stay or should you go?

I wish I could give a wonderful, "we have been married for 20 and so on" But I don't...

Posted by ajohnson08099

I wish I could give a wonderful, "we have been married for 20 and so on" But I don't have that kind of story. I have been with my husband for nearly two years. Been married for a little over 2 months.. I feel ashamed that we are having problems already... But it is what it is.

For the last month DH was being very distant. I lost my grandfather earlier in April and DH just couldn't be supportive at all. What makes matters worse is that I had my sister go to my house to pick up a cross that we had for my grandfather's funeral and she caught him in bed with another woman. They didn't have sex, but would have if she hadn't caught them. But its been a problem in the past that I thought we had worked through. But I had major surgery in January and the relationship problems were set to the side, because I had a very hard time healing. (I know... Many are screaming RUN already)

Since then DH has been singing a very different tune. Being compassionate, wanting to talk to me all the time, coming across that he is an open book, agreeing to counseling and finally furthering his education... All very good things. But my trust is so broken, I don't know whether to trust he really wants to change or if this is just all for show. Its causing me to not know how to show him the love that I should. I feel that roles are now reversed. He's seeking love and compassion and romance and for the most part I have been unable to show it back. I did leave for a few days, but I am home again.. I figured (and he did too) that nothing would be fixed with us seperated.

Your questions did hit home. I HAVE been feeling very lonely. Even when we are in the same house. Right now he has been there for me, but recently he hadn't been and even when I begged for some connection and communication he wouldn't. He had a lot of things on his mind that preceeded this activity, but even when I sat him down and begged him to tell me what was going on with him he couldn't tell me what was going on with him.

I do want to save my relationship. I am conflicted though. I both feel that this marriage is too young to both let go AND hang on. I don't want this to be my life of constantly worrying who is in my home and my bed, but I also know that there IS a great man within my husband.

I am not sure this IS a healthy relationship though. Its been rocky at times and we have been through a lot in a very short period of time and I know that DH says he believes in the same values as I do. But actions speak louder than words at times. I love him very much and I don't want to break my marriage vows either.

Please help. I am so confused. Half of me says run for you sanity and well being. The other half says stay and see if we can't fix this and make it a better and stronger marriage. Many people around me are trying to push me to divorce, while a few (including him) say work it out. I am natoriously known for bending to other's will (something I plan on addressing in counseling) so it makes me even More torn. Any advice would be welcome.View Thread

Posted byajohnson08099

20 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Should you stay or should you go? I wish I could give a wonderful, "we have been married for 20 and so on" But I don't...

Reply: Hookin' up after work?

I did and we are now married. Was there a specific policy against it. I am not really...

Posted by ajohnson08099

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Hookin' up after work? I did and we are now married. Was there a specific policy against it. I am not really...

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Reply: I can't forgive him

If you can't forgive him.. Then don't.. Is my honest opinion. If you two broke up...

Posted by ajohnson08099

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:I can't forgive him If you can't forgive him.. Then don't.. Is my honest opinion. If you two broke up...

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Reply: Are you too nice?

Lostlove2011, when you have these heart-to-hearts with your spouse what does he say?...

Posted by ajohnson08099

19 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Are you too nice? Lostlove2011, when you have these heart-to-hearts with your spouse what does he say?...

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Reply: should i be understanding? he did not stand up for...

Him being sick does change things a little. If he hadn't of felt bad I would say that...

Posted by ajohnson08099

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:should i be understanding? he did not stand up for me Him being sick does change things a little. If he hadn't of felt bad I would say that...

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Reply: It's been over a year..

Well, why do you need to let go if you are still in some sort of a relationship with...

Posted by ajohnson08099

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:It's been over a year.. Well, why do you need to let go if you are still in some sort of a relationship with...

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Reply: can't stop thinking about ex

I understand how you feel. Can I tell you an exact time that you wont think about...

Posted by ajohnson08099

I understand how you feel. Can I tell you an exact time that you wont think about him? No... You might stop for a while and remember again or you may never stop.

I think all of it stems off of what your current BF isn't fullfilling and the fact that your ex did.. Or thats how you are choosing to remember it. The fact is even though you don't love your ex anymore there is a reason why you broke up so its obvious he wasn't fullfilling everything for you.

I date a man for near 2 years, he was my first love. Things were good until they weren't, it all happened very fast in the end.. I was 19 when we broke up, so a baby still lol. But sometimes (especially right now for some reason) I still think about the relationship. The good, bad, and ugly. It makes me sad that I still think about the relationship and two very different people we are now. (We are still friends with mutual people, but haven't spoken in nearly 3 years)

I am now happily married and have been with my husband for nearly 2 years now. I love him and I am so glad that he is the one that I am spending my life with, but it comes down to the fact that I compare sometimes. My DH has hurt me in the past, much worse than what me and my ex even broke up for. So sometimes I think about the fact of what if we had been able to work it out like DH and I had been able to in the past. (Though, I am still happier with DH) Also I really big part was I was very good friends with my ex for many many years before we actually dated. Sometimes I simply miss that friendship we had sometimes. We were best friends for about 4 years before we decided to try a relationship.

ANYWAYS I am rambling about my past plunders.. What I am trying to say though is... Your ex is a memory in your past, though you may not still have feelings for him you still might think about him. You may want to evaluate your relationship with your current SO though. If he isn't emotinally fullfilling then what do you really have? The more you WANT to let the memory of your ex go the more you are probably going to end up remembering.. So just go on about your life. If you think of him then only let it be for a moment and then move on. In time it becomes less especially when your life moves you further away from where you were then.

I'm sorry to ramble... But I really hope that helps

View Thread

Posted byajohnson08099

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:can't stop thinking about ex I understand how you feel. Can I tell you an exact time that you wont think about...

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Reply: My cheating husband

I haven't read the rest of these posts. But to OP I am sorry you are dealing with...

Posted by ajohnson08099

I haven't read the rest of these posts. But to OP I am sorry you are dealing with this.

Sadsahara, I want to tell you I am SO sorry that you were treated like that by your husband and how utterly REDICULOUS that was for him to betray you in your time of need and then ask so a hurtful request.

I think counseling would definately be a good thing for you even if your husband will not participate. Either way you need to make Yourself whole again. Its not fair that even a year later you are feeling the pain of this betrayal. A betrayal that is still continuing in fact!! (It doesn't matter if they aren't still sleeping together, they are still keeping contact and I would be outraged!!)

You owe it to yourself Honey to get better. I can't tell you if it would just be best to leave your Husband. Maybe it would, because he obviously isn't being the man you need him to be.. But you've got to figure out a way to let this pain, anger, and sadness go right now. Its going to kill you.

I understand very vaguely what you are going through. Though not married my fiance for about 4 months was cheating on me last year. Because of that and the stress of so many other situations I neglected my health. During that time apparently I was growing an ovarian cyst. At the beginning of January (when things calmed down and where "Fixed") when I finally went the Dr they discovered that this cyst was over 6 inches big.. It takes up my entire abdoman. I am now facing surgery, which could include a hysterectomy (I am 22!!) And though, Fiance is more supportive I have still found messages and phone calls to the old mistress though for the sake of keeping things as calm as possible I have just let them slide. I am still incredibly hurt by this trangressions of my fiances and remember them quite often. I need him to be supportive at this time and though he shows it on the outside is still being just as hurtful as before. I have contemplated many times just saying Ok I am done and leaving. In the end I still don't. Though even with this situation I would like to try counseling. I don't want to end up so jaded from this relationship and situation that I can't go on and maintain a happy life.

The point of me telling you that is that I UNDERSTAND. It hurts to read about someone having to go through an even worse experience then I am. I really hope that you can find someone to talk to about all this. Though I don't know you it breaks my heart to read about how much of a tough time you are going through. You deserve to be HAPPY! If that is with your husband in time then thats great. If that means going off on your own then I wish you the best of luck!View Thread

Posted byajohnson08099

27 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:My cheating husband I haven't read the rest of these posts. But to OP I am sorry you are dealing with...

Reply: Girlfriend not ready to get engaged?

I just want to add, that yes my above post was kind of pointed but I Do understand...

Posted by ajohnson08099

I just want to add, that yes my above post was kind of pointed but I Do understand OP's point. I am the same impass with my SO, he did ask me to marry him and I said yes. But then he decided that he didn't want to get married (but stay "engaged") that being married and what we already had wouldn't be different (hense why I put all the don'ts, because that is true if the relationship is flawed it still be flawed even if you make promises to one another)

I do live with my SO and have for almost a year and a half. Originally I said I didn't want to live with my future spouse before marriage, but I am glad I did we learned a lot about each other.

Granted, it frustrates me that I do want to get married if not now someday and he doesn't. But his views and my views differ. As I see it marriage is a total committment to that one person, thats what it symbolizes (To Me) anyways amoung other things. But it IS possible to have that otherwise. But unless he or I can both completely agree to that there is no use signing a contract that promises we are. Much like OP and his girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with him wanting to get married for the institution of marriage.. And there is nothing wrong with her Not wanting that for the same reason. You never totally let go of your past. Maybe she just is afraid she will get hurt and a nasty divorce process (AGAIN) is not what she wants. She may want to be committed to OP, without the fear that if he isn't or if he hurts her that she will have to go through more heartache once again.

I don't know... Just a speculative ramble. My point is I do understand the impass of one wants to say I do and the other is hesitant. But I am not one to just throw up my hands and say ok you wont sign a paper we are done. We have different views. We have different views on a lot of things, but that doesn't mean it is bad.

All I want is for OP to see that if he doesn't want to stay then don't... Don't use her like so many PPs have said once again. Its not fair. And maybe he can understand now why she was afraid to get married if he is already throwing his hands up saying he's done.

I don't know. Again just me rambling.View Thread

Posted byajohnson08099

73 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Girlfriend not ready to get engaged? I just want to add, that yes my above post was kind of pointed but I Do understand...

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