You folks are young, you have a full life ahead and this fellow is the caring and thoughtful sort. He is young and not as practiced as I am (I have 30 years on you "kids") and he needs to learn patience, as do you.
Get to therapy... even though it is not a crisis. Let your therapist know you'd like to bring your guy... yes bringing your guy to therapy is exposing all your vulnerability to him. And he, if is a good man will be so compassionate and will come to understand that while your need to be treated more gently than other ladies, that your are not high maintenance and that you might be the most incredible person to be with for a long time.
I would encourage him to learn about sexual abuse and its many forms, repercussions, impacts on the victims... its a lot for young fellow to digest... but he'll be a better person for that, and he'll understand you and your needs better.
May you always need each other because you love each other (and not the other way around).
Happiness... there's a tough topic.... I think a prior comment suggests you may have a hard time being happy....I would say that as long as you have control you will cope with the ills that have befallen you and still be happy. Having a guy ht is not pathologically selfish makes for a happy love life, though the imagery will still come and haunt...
That brings something to mind, nothing traumatic like sexual abuse but it might offer some perspective. Back in '81 I recovered a 16-year old from the shore break who had drowned three days earlier two "beaches" east of my station. I was expecting her that day, and paddled out to get her, organized our guards to get her on a stretcher in the sh, ore break, and had a blanket to cover her with...and a vehicle on the sand to take her off beach. The image of her bloated body floating is stuck in my brain, the horror of losing ones child when she's gone with family friends to the beach, the image of the parents who'd come to the beach that fatal evening... it rips at my heart. [tears are welling in my eyes>. The point here, is that when my lady are in our hot tub and she floats her body diagonally across, I am siting at her head, and gazing on her body, in the moonlight, the water lapping at the edges of her breasts, and then that image of the 16-year old flashes in my brain and my lady feels the dark cloud crossing through me and asks whats wrong? So, yes, I imagine that the violence that has been visited on you will always have the potential to interrupt your life, and learning to cope with that reality is the challenge and is your responsibility. I hope therapy will help you learn to keep coping, and that your guy will accept that often enough he'll put in his best bedroom effort and a spurious image will enter your brain and ruin it.... you'll both be frustrated and what you need to do is embrace and hang on through those hard times.View Thread
I'll be very blunt about this... and so this is written to your man. But you read too.... okay? Its clinically graphic, okay?
Among the best pieces of sexual advice I got from the Penthouse letters books I read as a horny adolescent was to make giving your lady an orgasm the first priority. You can't do this with your penis because he's a trigger happy sort of fellow. Okay? So.... take care of your lady. Be patient. Its called 34-1/2. (half of 69?) once she has come she'll likely be anxious to get you inside her... maybe with you on top, but if she needs to manage how much of you is in, let her sit on top... and let her be in control. With your hands you can stimulate her clitoris , and if that's not good, she waves your thumb of... massage her nipple instead.... have her lean forward (and pack pillows behind your head) and massage her nipples with your tongue.
With a little luck, she'll have a series of orgasms and with all the wiggling she'll do you will likely come. If not... don't worry. If she is tired of being on her knees astride you, and had enough orgasms (does one ever have enough?) and you have still not come, guess what... She is gonna take care of you.... she'll gave you the nicest 34 1/2 she can manage with her hands, mouth and breasts... 100% attention or you.
Now, don't be blaming this on your lady's past history... this is a wonderful way to have a relationship where you each take care of each other - sometimes at the same time, sometimes in series.
Okay... your heads upside down between her thighs and your getting impatient... your tongue is tired, so change positions, lie on your back and she can straddle you... let her move so your tongue is where she wants it, rather than where you think she wants it... and finally, consider a pocket rocket... a little vibrator to speed the process along becasue you think your frustrated with her body, what about her... she gets frustrated with her stubborn body too....
Another thought... sometimes she's going to be not in the ood or the pressure to come... but she is nuts about you, so she goes down on you.... no pressure for you to fondle her or get her excited..so this session is all about you... sit back... relax....
Quick notes to the lady... After he comes his penis is SENSITIVE... be oh so gentle with it.... sometimes it may not even want to be touched...He is going to need his post ejaculatory snooze....this is a defect in the male, he has no choice about that, and if you have had your multiples already, it won't frustrate you. At your ages, he has a recovery time of about 20-30 minutes... Be sure your guy has a banana (the yellow kind) every day to restore potassium (its cheaper than oysters, and easier to get at the edible parts).. Finally, don't fake orgasms... and if some nights your just not getting one, and your vagina ain't ready for his penis.... push him on his back and take care of him orally/manually.
Oh... yeah... some times the lady is going to like you to nible on her neck... even bite gently and enter from behind.... this is related to the monthly cycle.... so.... after her first orgasm, give her a back and neck massage... then be nibbling her ear lobes.... neck.... slip in to her vagina if she's ready and well.... you both know where to take that to.View Thread