A personal project that makes you excited to work on it could help as well. You are an articulate person, maybe even writing a book of anecdotes? One thing I would love to see is a collection of stories from folk around you. What was it like when they were growing up? How has the world changed? It would get people talking to you, and give you a chance to socialize, but at the same time give you something that is yours to work on.
It's okay if my idea doesn't grab you. But eventually something will. With purpose, so many of the other problems in life seem less important. It's like that with my art. Without it I don't feel useful. With it, my life is brighter.View Thread
Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. I'm going to do some research on CBT as well as other things. I've been trying to exercise more as well just to keep me in the right mindset.View Thread
Has anyone here actually managed to stop their subconscious mind from affecting their actions? Is this something that cognitive behavioral therapy is supposed to correct? It seems that many times my instincts are inappropriate to the situation.
As an example, I am in a certain way predisposed to behave in a fearful way whenever I am uncertain, even if I'm not really afraid. According to others, my face looks fearful and I have fearful body language, even though I don't really feel afraid. I also tend to be resistant when challenged in my behaviors, at first, and it takes some arguing before I can bring myself to listen. Then there's the automatic self-devaluing I tend to do when I'm not being vigilant.
Does anyone know any good ways to start deprogramming myself? I think of it that way because at times my subconsious mind feels like an enemy, trying to undermine me and my relationships. I know that isn't true but that's how it feels. The answer I've been given is "just take control, it's not a complicated answer, just do it." Maybe it's simple but I just can't see how. In this matter, I feel lost and hopeless because I don't see a way out.
I'm going to repost this a couple of places, I need all the help I can get. This is threatening my marriage pretty severely as well as my own ability to cope with life. It seems like the more I try to calm down and deal with things rationally, the worse the symptoms get.View Thread
I also wish you luck, Rootbeerfloat. I hope that you and your husband can both find happiness. After all, you both need to be happy for this relationship to work, it has to reward and affirm BOTH of you. Sounds like your husband is digging in his heels or is afraid of change, perhaps. I wonder if it is because he can't see the benefits, or if it's just really scary to change? He needs a reality check and it seems you've made a very good effort to give him one. I hope he values you, as well as his own happiness, enough to make an effort.View Thread
I apologize in advance for any hurt feelings, but my immediate opinion is that he doesn't leave you alone because you give him what he wants. If you want to have sex with him, and he wants it with you, fine, as long as you aren't putting anyone in danger either emotionally or with STDs. His supposed status as a Muslim means little. I don't know what a "corner man" is so I can't speak to that.
Why is he doing it? Because it sounds (based on the tiny amount of information I have) like he doesn't respect you or the mother of his child.
Sounds like it's time to be direct. Gently, but directly, let him know that you feel unloved. Resist the urge to hint or euphemize. Some men need to be smacked upside the head with the salmon of knowledge, unfortunately, and the more focused they are with something the more this is true. You might want to just ask him flat out "do you still love me?"
Then let him know that him living an unhealthy lifestyle and not paying any attention to you is not only bad for him, it's bad for you. Do it calmly and in a caring way. If he doesn't respond positively, and make efforts to change, then it may be time to go. Also ask him if there is anything you can do to help him with this. You are in this together, for the moment. Let him know that it doesn't have to be sex at first, that massage or other forms of loving touch would be nice.
I used to be on the other side of this, I had a very difficult time showing love. I would tend to do things for my spouse to show I cared and because of early training I neglected physical affection. It took quite a few "salmon whacks" for me to finally get the message. But I changed quite a bit and still try, because I really do care.View Thread
I like to thank service members for what they do when I meet them. I help a lot of veterans order their medications in my job and when I know they are a vet I always thank them. I do that any time. Even though I don't agree with what the current US administration is doing, I still respect those who put their lives on the line. Hate the leaders, love the soldiers, as they say.
I want to personally thank Dennis for serving, and also thank any vets or active duty members of the military on this board. Your sacrifices matter.
Best of luck to you, An_245963. One small word of advice I have is this: If you do want a good relationship, you cannot expect to live as you always have and not to change. WIth a relationship, particularly later in life, both partners have to give a little.
Decide what is improtant to you, and what is less important, so you have negotiating room. For example, I spent my growing up years and all my "dating years" sleeping alone, so it was really tough learning how to sleep next to someone. I finally did but it took me YEARS, literally. I can finally do it but I usually can't sleep while cuddled. I continue to improve, slowly.
I'm sure you can find a woman who likes her solitude as well. As a way of doing that, find one who has active hobbies. Then you can be the sweetheart who supports her by giving her time for her hobbies! Marry a writer or an artist or a long distance cyclist. You'll get plenty of solitude...View Thread
Ha ha, you can use it if you want! As for advice with your fatigue, make sure you are supporting your body nutritionally when you work out. Keep up your protein levels, even if it's just a couple hard boiled eggs. Every little bit counts. Make sure you are getting good food and good vitamins. I find that limiting my carbs helps me be less tired, bread and potoatoes make me sleepy! Vegetables, fruits, lean meat, nuts, eggs, soy, beans in moderation, they can all help you. Actually, better nutrition is what helped my spouse to quit smoking. Her body wasn't missing so many nutrients so it helped the cravings. It helps support your mood, too, and thus makes you healthier so you have happier relationships.