That sounds like a really frustrating situation! Your boyfriend has a hard road ahead of him. To most normal American families, his tie with his family is way too strong and is hurting him socially. I say American families because in some cultures it's more normal to be extremely close to the parents throughout life. In my own humble and admittedly flawed opnion, he needs to grow up, learn to set boundaries, and cut the umbilical cord before it chokes both of you. His parents are behaving in a very infantile way and they apparently don't know it. You aren't wrong for wanting boundaries.View Thread
That's an important thing to think about. If he is open to a discussion, you might start by exploring his reasons for not wanting a condom. Are they uncomfortable in some way?
Does he have bad associatiosn? IF he is willing to talk about it, see if you can let him know your reasons for wanting thme. There is a risk of pregnancy, as well as a risk of catching an as yet undiscovered STD. Birth control pills aren't bad, but they do have an expense and they change your hormonal balence. If you decide to go on them so you can be condom-free, I'd insist on exclusivity as well as a thorough STD screening for him.
Let him know that his behavior is immature and he has no right to deny you pleasure just because he can't have his way. This is only a suggestion, but I'd be seriously considering ending the relationship if he refuses to help keep you safe.
My gut reaction is that he's being childish and trying to punish you for not giving him what he wants. He is essentially wanting to put you at increased risk, without your agreement. That's not the act of a supportive and loving partner. I really, really hope I'm wrong, and I hope he sees reason. Don't stop wanting to protect yourself.
Sometimes this site just deletes stuff randomly, too. Sure, therapy might be hepful, but the OP already says they are doing that, and they are wanting advice that is seperate from that. I don't really see anything wrong with it. It's just concentrating effort. If they tell us what kind of advice they are looking for and what they already tried, then that should help us help them better.View Thread
Dennis is giving you good advice. One thing that you might be helped by is talking to current military families. I haven't gotten the latest military.com newsletter lately so I still don't have the link, I believe it comes automatically when you sign up for that site.
I mention that because in talking to members of the military, I keep hearing that today's military isn't the same as when Dennis was in for example. Yes, PTSD is a concern particularly if a soldier was in battle. However, issues can happen with how folks are trained and the ideas they are asked to accept. So talking to current military families would be best if you can get on a message board, or if someone else with experience can also chime in here. But it's a good start to listen to Dennis, he knows what he's talking about.View Thread
Sorry to hear you are still having trouble with that friend, especially after things seemed to be getting a little better.
I don't think you are expecting too much of your friends, you are just expecting what used to be customary. The world seems to have changed though, with everyone becoming more self centered. I was raised to belive I should be there for my friends, and I try to be, but I am still shocked and overjoyed when it is reciprocated.
Have you asked your friend flat out if she wants to be friends? Have you explained to her that regardless of her reasons, the behavior she is displaying is not that of a friend? Sometimes it's good to be gentle, but direct.
An_259155, we will not put up with people abusing our members. You have no right to say that to one of our most loyal members. It's a personal attack with no base. I have reported this as well to back up Michelle.View Thread
The Reserves might not be so bad. In peacetime they have Drill on some weekends and then they have two weeks out of the year that they do. They go through boot camp like everybody else, then they keep their civilian job and are around home more. Keep in mind though that right now this is not exactly peacetime, and we have an unstable government that isn't making the best decisions militarily. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to people who have been there and done that rather than just listening to the recruiter's speeches.View Thread
I can understand your trepidation. Today's military is not yesterday's military. People serving today go through things that people never dreamed of before. If you do stay with this man, he may change radically - not really due to any fault of his own, but in the course of his training and his duties. I hope these links help somewhat.View Thread
My advice is to search around for a bit, and look for their information for families of service members. When I get home tonight I'll try to provide some helpful links.
The information I usually see in the newsletters has to do with how to cope at home, helpful info about financial questions, sometimes opinion pieces, places to find support and help, and there's a column where people ask questions about military life and life with a service member. It's kind of varied really. I find though that the more you know about something, the less frightening it is.
As far as my flight instructor, her husband was an officer (a Captain I think) so she was often setting things up for the wives in his unit. Little social get togethers, dinners, that kind of thing. Your boyfriend will probably have a unit as soon as he gets out of boot camp, unless he has some kind of stateside position where he's working by himself, and that's not likely. Veteran's associations sometimes also help with families of service members.
Hey, Dennis, can you offer some insight on this?View Thread
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