I've been gradually realizing that self hatred is a part of a disease process within me. It's a symptom, a habit I've learned, and I'm trying to unlearn it. It doesn't always answer to logic, unfortunately.
By the way - before I forget - before you say I'm more worthy than you, look in the mirror. You've overcome so much! You help people here, and support them here, all the time. You are a good man and you have grown so much even since I've known you. That's AWESOME. And I really thank you for your support all this time.
I'm still trying to figure myself out, find out why it's so hard to get better. Sometimes I'm strong, I get it, I understand why my problems are there and I work hard to overcome them. Sometimes it seems impossible. Along with what I've already said, sometimes it makes the most sense to treat my problem like a living creature that is fighting to stay alive.
So if I see everything through a glass darkly, and can't figure out why I should even exist, that's the "creature" raking at me with its claws to keep me sick, because if I grew permanently well it would die. In the meantime, you are absolutely right and I'm glad you see my original point. If I gave myself the same compassion and understanding and forgiveness that I give others, I'd do pretty well.
Many times, I have great difficulty being compassionate toward myself, loving myself, treating myself with respect. I know I'm not the only one. I know that self hatred or lack of self respect causes many people to settle for bad relationships, or to cause relationships to be bad. I'm in that latter category.
I've found something that helps sometimes, at least. I wanted to share it in case others have my problem. Now, even though very often I think deep down that I'm the lowest form of life on earth, I still really want to help others. I absolutely LOVE it when I find out I made somebody's day, or saved a life, or eased someone's pain, or settled their mind. I love that! I live for that.
So what helped me today was remembering myself as a child, and thinking of myself as a seperate person from my child-self. Thinking that way, I would do absolutely anything to make her feel better, to entertain her, to protect her from harm. I'd brave a hurricaine to keep her safe! So why can't I feel the same way about myself?
Seeing myself from the outside helped. I was able to feel compassion for myself. Now, I can do this off and on, but I'm trying to get better at doing it all the time. I guess it comes down to reminding myself that I'm human too and really the same as everybody else. I can rescue one more person every day... I can make one more person's life better... my own.
Hi there! I'm concerned about something. You say you were interested in dating someone, and you were just getting comfortable over the phone, but you were already talking children? If he was the one who brought that up, I'd be very, very concerned.
Honestly, if I were in your shoes I'd consider legal action and a restraining order. I hope you never met face to face. I agree with the others regarding HR. My concern is that this is really stalkerish behavior and in these times anybody who has a grudge can make false accusations and they'll be believed. So whatever you do, watch out for yourself.
I wish I had advice that was more certain that I could give. If in an ideal world, my advice should work, then the correlary is that my advice probably won't work because this world is far from ideal. I hope you have good luck in finding your answer.View Thread
I'm not going to judge someone with a record out of hand because our legal system is seriously flawed and people are punished out of all proportion to what they did. There are also a lot of innocent people who have been thoroughly mistreated as well. So you have my sympathy, not my judgement.
I will be happy to talk to you here, however I can't get to email during the majority of my day. Sorry about that!
I think there are still a few good people out there in the world. It can kind of hard to be that way at times, with all the social pressure and dog eat dog environement we often live in. However, good tends to attract good. I really wish you the best in getting back on track once you are out. Being positive will help you there, but that's true in anything.View Thread
Though the popular wisdom is that you cannot or should not chane anyone, that isn't always true. You can offer to help, or suggest ways to improve, if you really care about a person.
Keep in mind that sometimes it can be a great act of love to give someone a reality check. He isn't going to have a satisfying relationship, EVER, if he continues what he is doing. At the same time if he stays in his safe zone he's deluding himself into thinking he's going to make progress -- someday.
You can tell him that it's decision time. You show respect for yourself AND FOR HIM if you do that. Gently, but firmly, tell him that he's not going to find happiness having a fantasy relationship. You're willing to help, but he can't just pretend anymore. He deserves the happiness and fulfillment of a real relationship. But you need to see visible progress (not an instant fix) to be able to stay around.
I know it's hard. But I wish both of you the best.View Thread
I was talking to my dear spouse yesterday and we came up with this question. I really want to hear from Dr. Leslie about it but will be happy for responses from anyone.
My question is this: Why are our minds so resistant to healing? It's like the mind holds on to old, bad patterns, as well as mental illness. I've personally had the experience where I gain an insight about why I do something unhealthy, and start changing my behavior, and then I feel a lot of resistance in myself as if my unhealthy mental patterns are defending themselves.
If a person realizes that there is a better, healthier way to do things, who does it benefit when the old patterns seemingly struggle to stay in place. A good way to conceptualize it for me is that the mental issue is like a monster that hits back when you try to throw it off.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about here? Does anyone know why this happens?View Thread
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