I needed to vent somewhere and this is it, I thank you in advance for listening.
I was recently accused of doing something wrong, which I didn't do, but it's been quite a blow especially since it wouldn't really be possible to clear my name. Not being able to clear my name, and at the same time, not being able to talk about it at home, is somewhat wearing and is causing me to have a hard time letting go of it.
Basically, I had been a regular customer for about a year at a wonderful little art store. I started spending a few dollars a week as I could and started spending more and more (once bills were paid, that is) and building up my art materials. I hadn't done much art in a long time and I was really enjoying using real paints and papers and canvasses My spouse and I made friends with the owner, and he started doing little favors for us on his initiative, nothing major, mostly advice and letting us try materials, things like that.
I'm going to continue this on another post so it's easier to page through responses.View Thread
I'm sorry to hear of your father's passing, Dennis. Especially with the circumstances as they are. Don't blame yoruself for not thinking clearly enough. Those medications can have a major effect and make it very difficult to think in the best of times, as you know. Then it's twice as hard when it's an emotional topic. Meanwhile, you were trying to balence your responsibilities and do what was right.
Look, I don't believe in God but I do believe in the human spirit and I think your father would be proud of what you are trying to do with your life. Somehow, he knows you love him especially now that he is beyond all that confusion and pain and is finally free.
I think his line did pass on to you... you may have made mistakes, but you have decided consciously to be a god man, and from everything I have seen, you are one. That's something to be proud of.View Thread
I may seem like I'm willing to look at my mistakes but I've learned that that's just a smokescreen protecting me from looking at my real issues. I work on the superficial stuff and refuse to really look at the sickness deep inside. That's what I mean. I also may communicate well here, but face to face I am losing my ability to speak well, my brain locks up so badly I can't even think. I used to be able to speak much better than I do. Sometimes things work fine and sometimes they don't. I do want to be a better partner, or at least I think I do, but I've caught myself not really working on the core issues, just working on the superficialities, and having a hard time even identifying the core issues.
All that said, I really buckled down and finally managed to have a decent weekend with no major fights. I can do this. It's just not going to be easy. Then again, nothing worthwhile is.View Thread
Honestly, I think it's simpler than that. The wife sounds overworked. Having a family and a job and still staying healthy takes a lot of energy. She could be having some problem with depression too. That can make us very selfish. I'm not excusing her behavior but looking for causes. For many of us, if we feel overworked our libido goes to nil and all we want is an excuse not to have to do it. I hope things work out.View Thread
Porn isn't a problem unless it starts taking away significantly from your relationship. Masturbation is natural for both sexes to do, and it doesn't even mean that a person's needs aren't being met. Sometimes it's just relaxing and feels good. I wouldn't be worried about it unless it becomes an unhealthy obsession.View Thread
Sorry you are having trouble. My gut instinct tells me she doesn't feel she's being truly heard, and she thinks witholding sex is the only way she has to make her feelings truly known. She may also have intermittent depression or something like that, or it may be a situational stress that comes and goes. Try letting her know you really care what she thinks, and really listen to her next time she's in a mood, and see if that helps. You may end up getting more and better sex as she feels nurtured and cared for.View Thread
You already know the right thing to do, An_253487. Do not date anyone unless they are single or in an open relationship that has been agreed to by everyone in that relationship. To do otherwise is to harm everyone in the interaction, devalue yourself, and open yourself to all kinds of trouble.View Thread
I appreciate what everyone has said. It has given me some much needed perspective.
It has also made me realize how disabled my spouse actually is, and how deep her problems really are. Her family history is complicated, she has no contact with them because her father was horribly abusive and her mother neglectful and delusional. So she was basing her idea of normalcy on what her friends did with their less abusive parents.
I'm no prize myself, as I have massive problems with intimacy, and all kinds of other things, but at least I can satisfy myself that I'm not being too close to my parents, or too distant.View Thread
Mapax, I agree with you... I think my level of contact with my parents is quite nice. I just wish it didn't cause trouble at home. Upon further examination, and after an informal poll with others, I really think my spouse is off base with what she expects. Then again, I am far too sensitive to what she says so I need to work on that too. I doubt I'll go back to visit them next year, but I probably will the year after that. I got a nasty cold which messed up the remainder of my vacation so that is affecting my judgement at the moment.View Thread