Sounds like this lady hasn't had the wakeup call about her diabetes. It might still feel to her like it's happening to someone else, like it's not really important, like diabetes is a disease other people have and couldn't be affecting her. Diabetes is really insidious because you won't always feel the damage being done until it's too late.
But wait till the neuropathy kicks in, the vision problems, and the other symptoms that are more readily apparent. Then she might want to do something about it but it will be too late to reverse some of the damage. I had a friend once who thought he was managing his diabetes, but cheated constantly, didn't take it seriously, and now he's had to have a leg amputated. Last checked, he's going on the same way. Oh well, his choice... he's an older fellow, and his main problem is he doesn't listen to anyone but himself and thus he'll die that way. That's why he's an ex-friend.
You may not be the person to give her that wakeup call. But if she's in denial about her condition, which seems likely, she might seem really negligent.View Thread
I think you are right about the card, and not putting her on too much of a pedastal. That makes sense to me.
Absolutely true about the plan. If she has the option of changing it, she should. However, not everyone can, unfortunately. What I would do if I couldn't get my medication from a mail order pharmacy and my insurance wasn't covering something at retail, is ask my doctor if there was a generic I could use in the meantime, and get it at a big local pharmacy that one of those "$10 generic" plans. I mention this because so many don't know about these options, she probably has no idea.
Either way, probably good to focus on your other friends and just take from her what's she's willing to give but not expect more.View Thread
I'm glad she called! Sounds like a big step for her to take. It's a real pain when people you care about don't take care of their health, isn't it? Especially with something like diabetes.
By the way, I wouldn't blame her for not getting her medication locally. Her insurance may actually be forcing her to use mail order. Many of them do these days, where they give you a few refills at your local pharmacy but then charge full price if you continue. Then if the doctor is having a hard time faxing the prescription to the right place, or there is a problem in communication with the mail order pharmacy, there can be big problems too. On top of that, if a person is feeling bad then they may not have the energy to hound the doctor and the pharmacy till things get fixed. (That's what I do all day, so I know.)
Glad to hear there is some good news, at least!View Thread
Pat Conroy also wrote the Prince of Tides, which was made into a movie as you may recall. He isn't a psycholoist but I think he (the author that is) had a rather strict military upbringing so that comes out in his work quite a bit. I share your wish for the original poster/s. I hope everyone involved finds peace.View Thread
Nice discussion! To me, there are different kinds of friends. There are acquaintances, friendly acquaintances, and real friends.
Acquaintances are people you say hi to and occasionally chat with but you don't ask anything of them and they don't ask anything of you. They are just people you distantly know. Not really a friend.
Freindly acquaintances are people you might give a card to on their birthday, and sometimes you can ask a small favor of, or you might do a small favor for them. You say hi, you might call each other now and again, but there isn't any real commitment.
To me real friends are really rare. They are there for you, they return your phone calls, they initiate contact and act like they want to be with you. They give and take advice, they exchange gifts at holidays if appropriate, and they think about what you would actually like to get instead of just picking something at random. They act like they care and they are thoughtful.
I have only one real friend at a time usually and if I have two I count myself incredibly blessed. Currently I'm married to the one I have and I have one person who has risen to the second category. I did let one real friend go because all he would use to communicate was Facebook, and didn't initiate contact. As a new dad though, I understood, and I let things slip. After I did, though, I stopped calling myself friend to him. But then again, I don't get out much.
I have these categories because all my life I've wanted to treat people well, be there for them, help them out, be something like a cross between the last two categories, but I've realized over the years that almost all people stall out in the first category.View Thread
No worries, Dennis- conversation is the spice of life, as they say. It wouldn't be any Pat Conroy novel in particular, but several of them. Beach Music, The Great Santini, and others similar. Pat Conroy is a pretty good writer but he's famous for his portrayal of difficult childhoods and dysfunctional families, especially really mean and domineering dads. I hope the OP understands I mean no disrespect to him. I am not saying that rape is right, by the way, not at all, I am just saying that it is only one of the horrible things that has happened in his narrative. That he is as much of a victim of his father as his wife is of him. Not more so, but just as much as.View Thread
Dennis and Winterglow: to me, being beaten when you try to take a vacation once in more than sixteen years is just as concerning, as is the threat of violence, the "humbling" by a bunch of thugs, not to mention the father still being able to intimidate his son in such a way even when he's in his forties and fifties. As well as the complete bullying as regards his working life and his wife being completely faithless. Not to take anything away from Osiris's suffering, I'm sure it was horrible to live through, but it reminds me of a Pat Conroy novel. I can only say I wish peace (and appropriate legal restraining orders as needed) to all involved.View Thread
I wonder if he's using his anger as a way to get out of doing things he doesn't want to do? At this point, it might not even be conscious.
Definitely read Dr. Leslie's entries, they are good solid advice. I might suggest telling him something like "I love you enough to not let your anger scare me off. I love you enough to work with your behavior and help you overcome it, instead of leaving you. You need to understand that what you are doing is wrong. Together we can fix our relationship. I know that inside you are better than this."
If he talks about any problems you have, listen openly and look deep inside yourself to see if he is right about it at all. It never hurts to improve yourself, after all, and that way he doesn't feel alone in this. He probably has a lot of emotions that he doesn't really know how to deal with.
It's entirely possible that he even feels like a victim, deep down inside. He might not see the ways in which he's contributing to bad situations. I'm guessing here, but he might even have the feeling of being powerless and thus he might be blowing up out of sheer frustration. Anger management doesn't have to be a punishment, like he probably thinks it is, it can give him control over his life and the ability to be happy. Getting this across to him is the tough part.View Thread
Alittlebirdie, you mentioned that your father gave you a whipping at the age of 19. At that age, it is assault and battery and a felony. It may sound harsh, but the only thing a parent like that deserves is a note saying "until you can treat me with respect, as an adult, I will have no further contact with you. Attempts to communicate me with anything other than a sincere apology and an immediate change in behavior will be met with a restraining order."
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