While on vacation i started reading a really good book about healing shame. So to answer your question as to why i dont care or love myself, i would have to say, Shame. To be more specific, Toxic Shame as the author put it. There is healthy shame, that we all feel, when we do something wrong what have you. But Toxic Shame has a way of staying with you and eatting away at you from the inside. As i was reading this book, i felt like i was reading a life story and a lot of things made sense. As to why i felt the way i do and it did offer many theories and ways to help heal your shame. I still have a few sections left to go in the book, so more insight is on the way. 
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