Putting up with you? No Deb, not putting up with you, loving you as a fellow human being. Loving you as a sister. Loving you for who you are, not what someone thinks you should be. You being you is why we have come to care for you.
This is funny Dr. Leslie, i was thinking these same things lately. You already know some of my dating experiences, but here are a couple more: One date, at least a couple of years back, when I was driving the pilot car, ended much too soon. I wanted to at least have a kiss or two by the fourth date, but when I tried, I always got the cheek turn. So, I let that one go, only to find out later she wanted more than that? She was wanting me to come to her house, but I ended it after that cheek turn, to her dismay? I still think I did the right thing, then? I never really got that feeling from her? You know, that feeling of love, or at least warmth towards her? Oh well, another one to chock up to dumbness on my part, again! LOL!!!
There have been more recent one's, but this one is notable. About a year ago now, I dated, (sort 0f) this young lady that was 23 the first time I saw her? She had dumped her fiance` for cheating on her, and I happened to be close, so she asked me out. I went with her, had a nice dinner and a great time. But, (there are a lot of those but's in my life) the next time I saw her, she had gone back to her ex-boyfriend, go figure, yes? Well, sure enough he cheated on her again. This time I thought she meant it? So, I started going out with her on weekends, or just spend time together at her mom's house? I was starting to believe she really had no qualms about our age difference? She didn't, she actually prefers older men as we are more stable? Reliable? Who knows? Anyway, I allowed myself to feel something towards her, only to find out the next week she had gone back to her ex-fiance` again. Wow, what? Well, they got married, have a girl child together, and she wants out of the marriage already? Now, who would have thought that? LOL!!! So, now anytime I come around, she wants to be with me, but I just shine her on. Her mind is just not matured enough for me. She still does this baby talk I just can't stand to hear! She has settled down somewhat, now? She went through community colleges for a C.P.A. degree, got it and works for a nice company. She still lives with her ex, so, when she asks me to come by and see her, I tell her no I can't, because she will just go back to her ex again. She still tries every time I go up there, if she knows I'm around, anyway?
I am always the gentle man, you know, the nice guy that always finishes last? I can't change that, nor do I want to?! I figure if the lady in question doesn't like that, sorry for her luck, she won't have a good man, either! Yep, I still believe in opening doors for my ladies! I will let her get it if she likes, too? I try to be fair.
Well, there you have it, Dr. Leslie, the story of my life. (okay, maybe not all of it?) I hope this is what you were wanting?
I really like the "working together as a teammate" as opposed to my old "I can fix this myself" attitude! Men are natural "Fix it myself" type people. We have to actually consider our partner first, instead of after the fact.
I think all men, or at least most, have to consciously think about our partner in order to include them in our "Fix it myself" mentality? I struggled with this attitude early on in my relationship with the ex, but once I realized what she brought to the game, it was easier to include her. Now days, I wouldn't have it any other way!!!
Thanks Dr. Leslie, another fine topic for discussion!!!
I have no idea where all of the typing I did, went? That darned ole Gremlin got me again!!! As a man I would like to offer my point of view, if that is okay with you?
I too have E.D., and my sex drive is what I make of it. Its not easy to admit this to anyone, especially your wife? I couldn't even tell my doctor. When I moved to this small town, it changed my way of thinking. The V.A. Doctor is a woman, but she put me at ease before she even started the exam. I thought she would have to look at it, or some such, but that is not the case at all. REALLY??? All she did was a routine physical, and had blood drawn,then I was free to go home. WHAAAAT???? Yep, that was it! Once she got the word back on my blood tests, she called me herself to let me know, and to ask any questions I had at that moment? I had only one, what do I do to remedy this situation? She offered me Levitra? What is it, I asked? She explained it to me, and then offered some to try. That first one blew me away!!! I felt as randy as a teenager again! It was so hard it hurt! Sorry, but want you to understand this, there are different ones for each patient. No one is the same, and will not respond the same. The V.A.was giving us only four pills per month for the cost. They then got some Viagra cheaper and offered it. I took one tablet and had this massive headache, I was put back on the Levitra, thankfully. You see, there are different reactions to these meds?
Now, another thing is this, I wasn't heavy in anyway, but I did get a more positive result by exercising! As for your question? Should you be willing to give up sex for this nice guy? HELL NO!!! There are other ways to enjoy sex! He could give you oral sex, and you him, if none of those pills help? I could still have orgasms when not fully erect, he should be able to, also? You guys could use other penetration devices such as dildo's, etc, etc.....
No, you do not have to give up sex! You might even get more daring and have a menag'e et tua? Okay, stop laughing, I don't know how to write in French? You get the idea, tho, right? Maybe the firsttime you do it for the B.F.? Then the next week, you get to have two males? Possible, if he really loves you enough to at least try it with you? I loved my now ex wife enough to leave her so she could at least enjoy sex. Yes, I know now that was an incredibly stupid thing I did, but it is all water under the bridge now?
I hope you find a way to keep him, and still enjoy a sexual life?!!
Nope, sorry, no adventures here. No luck either. Still being stalked and tormented by the er um ah, well, you know?! Those demons downstairs never ever take a break, and it just tires me out. I'm sure you could write a nice long story about these nuts!!! LOL!!!
I was wondering if anyone has heard anything from our Debbie? I keep sending her e-mails, but she has yet to write me back? I hope she is alright?!
Well, better get back to my stalkers now, you guys take it easy!! Me, I'm gonna take it any way I can, as long as it's okay with her? LOL!!!
Everything you say, or have said, points in one direction, HIS!!! If you hope to hold this family together, he needs to get his priorities together!!!
!st. He needs to get this fact right in his head, now, and for always!!! ...He needs to make you, and your children his first priority in everything, and everything!!! That's it!! Nothing more!!
Your hubby is all over the place, he needs to realize that HE married YOU, not his PARENTS!!! HE needs to take YOU and HIS CHILDREN into every decision he makes, first, and foremost!!! HIS PARENTS need to be HIS SECONDARY consideration!!! HE IS a HUSBAND and a FATHER, and a FAMILY man now!!! You and his children should be his natural first consideration in all things now, not his parents, HIS family!!! I know, I have been there/done that!!! This is what he needs to come to grips with, just like all the other young parents do!!! And yes, there are women out there that will do as your hubby is doing!
I hope you take all of the things we here have told you, and use them to your advantage?! Your hubby needs to, to grow up and act like a family man! Not his Mom and Dads family, but your family together with him and both of your's children!!! Once he does that, all of these "fights?" with him and his parents should cease to be a factor in your lives together!!! Well, lets hope so, anyway?!!!
I see, it started after your first child? There are a lot of men who change in strange ways after having a child. Dr. Leslie can guide you to the proper self help blogs of hers, or one from her field of expertise?
Men, like I said, have intimacy problems after seeing their wife give birth? I'm not quite sure why, exactly, that is why I say Dr. Leslie will have to help you. Or, you can click on her blog pages at the top left (?) side of this page? Sorry, not this page, but the first page in this community? She has so many excellent blogs to read, and she has many friends that also have excellent blogs of their own.
I sure hope you can at least find out why your hubby is acting in this manor? My guess is still the first one, the watching, or even knowing of your child birth? That effects different people in different ways.
I hope you can get your hubby back to normal, or as close as can be?!!!
Best of luck to you! Please keep us informed of the progress, or lack of, if you will? And read the blogs from Dr. Leslie!!!
Who hasn't been defensive at one point or another? I sure used to be! But, after one incredible fight between me and my ex, I started to actually listen to what she was saying, and try to understand her side, and then apologize profusely!
I looked back over all the fights we had, small and large. I was wrong more times than I would like to admit, but hey, I was pretty young then. This all happened when I was 25, I believe? We had just had our son, not more than six months ago when I started maturing in my mind. From what most say, thirty five is the average age of males to mature in their minds? They had said the age for women to mature in their minds, but I don't remember that?
I guess that put me ahead of most males, and yet I still did incredibly stupid things kids might do?! We need to be patient. More understanding of our spouses. If you stop and think of what your spouse might think, or do, then you will be more understanding of their side of the story. Even when they wave money over your head constantly? But, that is one I never will get, as she was the one who suggested I quit working to watch the kids???
I had much better relationships after that, tho? Some were ended by me, for their misunderstanding me. Some were by the ladies, for their misunderstanding me. But the main thing is, I was a much better person for trying, or so I was told?
I hope this is what you were looking for, Dr. Leslie? Your blog tho, is much more than what you put out here. I hope everyone that wants to learn from you, will post a copy of your blog site in their e-mail pages, so they can go see what you write in fuller detail? I have learned so much, but there is so much more to learn! I want to be a sooo much better person than I am today, and your blogs are helping me get there!!!
Thanks for coming! Hey, it sounds like your hubby is still a mamma's boy? I don't know how old he is, but he sure sounds immature to me? Do you know of any problems his parents may have had in the past? He sorta sounds scared to let his emotions come out? That is why he keeps shutting you down all the time! That is just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.
Have you ever noticed his parents argue? I wonder which one is the more dominate one? Boys learn from, or imprint on the dominate parent, or at least the father? I also wonder if they had problems that he saw, and thought were his fault? That could explain some? My guess is he was shut down when he wanted to say something emotional to him? He now has intimacy issues.
Next time you want to talk with him, remind him it takes two adults to have a conversation. If you are still not ready to talk to me, then you need to get some counselling help. No talking to me, you talk to a psychiatrist! If that gets his attention, tell him we are married to each other, you and I need to discuss many issues together, better get used to it right now!
He may need therapy first, but hopefully he will come around to your concerns? Wait, was he like this before you got married? If that's a yes, then you knew what he was like, so he will have to want to change for himself first, then you?! You cannot make him change, you know that, don't you?
Well, I haven't slept all night again, my lunatic neighbors downstairs keep stalking and terrorizing me. So, I hope this isn't too scrambled to make heads or tails out of?
I want to wish you great success!!!
Keep those children close to you, they grow up before you know it!!!