Well, a heart felt thank you to both Dr. Leslie's answers!!! LOL!!! Both of you make excellent points! Now that you mention it, I have had dates that were absolutely looking for a reason to call it off? Funny, I did the same thing after my ex? I had always blamed my failures at dating on her, but it was all me? Wow, hind sight really is 20/20, huh?
Roh, I have to agree with Dr. Leslie also, your answer is really thought provoking!!!
Yea, I know what you mean! I was irritated with life in general after my ex cheated on me! I was scared to touch anyone new, ashamed at my behavior towards women. I was broken, I had E.D. and had no idea as to how to deal with it? All of this of course, made me even angrier than I already was. Broken, I felt broken. Like something inside of me was out of whack?
It took many years to reestablish trust in women. I was scared of them? I thought they was all out to get me in some way, in order to heap more pain upon me? Had I not stumbled onto this web site, who knows where I would be, or where I wouldn't be? I thank all of you for helping me to "SEE" again, especially Dr. Leslie! She gave me the key to open my heart again. And now, I am so glad she did!!! I have another date tonight! Last night went very well. Who knows, this may be the start of something awesome, or just another learning curve? Either way, i am game for it!!!
Yes, we were trained wrong, but I have made the adaption. I know you have it in you to do the same thing!!! It takes time, it takes patience! But, it takes the willingness in you to make that adaption work! You are already miles ahead of me, you don't have to go it alone, ask your spouse to help you?
I saw a movie, I think it was, no, it was a documentary on sex therapists. One of her clients was too afraid to even touch a woman. So, she made him undress, she did too, of course, and they sat facing each other on the floor. She told him to touch her shoulder, she had to do it for him, he was that afraid? But, after a few sessions like that, he became comfortable with touching women. After even more time, he was able to make love to her for his very first time. It was a beautiful thing to watch!!! She took it very slow, you can too! Make sure you explain the why to your spouse, so she can help you along?!
It will work, Roh, give it time! No need to rush things, you have till the end of your life to get it right! Your spouse should be happy you are willing to do this for her? Please keep us informed on your progress, we will make this a family effort!
Disappointment will come, and it will go, ride with it to wherever it takes you! Like you say, you need to embrace healthy behaviors and see this as an opportunity to learn? You will do just fine, I just know it!!!
Using you for money? Doesn't he have any of his own? If I were you, I would be making sure he cannot get access to your money! Cut him off completely! Tell him if he doesn't want, or refuses o have sex with you, then you are going to kick his sorry tail outta here, and find someone who will?!
Like Roh said, give him a time frame in which to get with the program. If he refuses to, then get a lawyer and kick his sorry butt outta there!!! You don't need head games at this stage in life, now is the time to enjoy your retirement!! Get yourself a real nice Harley, then come by and get me. We could sure see a lot of this country that way!!! Kidding? Well, maybe? LOL!!! You deserve someone better than that bum, for sure!!!
Dr. Leslie is right on!!! Communication is the key to a more happy relationship!!! If he fails to communicate with you, maybe some couples therapy is in order??? Maybe even individual therapy might help both of you see things in a different light?
Your blog is so much more than this, I actually knew one of these serial daters. She was even married before? I'm glad my little sister saw her with what was supposed to be her ex-boyfriend? She had caught them in the Walmart parking lot in broad daylight? Going at it like a couple of wild animals. (Just like my downstairs neighbors!)
I failed to see the warning signs, I didn't know them then? But after I told her to kick rocks, I saw them pretty clearly! Oh, if only we could see the heart, or mind of the other, it would save us a whole lot of grief! As it is, we are so easily fooled. I guess that is just our trusting soul? We always seem to give the benefit of the doubt to every new date, why? Is this in our nature to begin with? Drats, now i'm having more questions than answers???
Not sure if my story counts, but it sure makes me think of more questions? Why, why Dr. Leslie? Why are we so trusting of new dates? Why are we so willing to give them the benefit of the doubt? Why do we intentionally turn a blind eye to some early warning signs? If you have answers to those questions, I would dearly love to hear them?!
Thanks again, Dr. Leslie! Another fine topic of discussion!!!
Yes Roh, you are very strange! LOL!!! No, you are not strange! We grew up with the Ward and June Cleavers, the way people felt back then was chaste! It naturally rubbed off on us kids! I felt like a total dork the first time I kissed a girl!!! It felt awkward, and sort of funny? It took a few girls to get the hang of it, but after that, look out!!!
You need to realize that you are not your mother. You are a mature woman now, it is okay for you to like kissing, hugging even in public! Its okay if it feels weird, just go with your partner, do what she does. One day, you are gonna wake up wanting to kiss your partner!!! Kissing is fun!!! Kissing time gives you face time, and face time is what love is all about! TOGETHERNESS!!! The two of you connecting as one!
Just the act of kissing brings two people together. Relax, Roh, go with the flow, if you will? DON'T THINK, JUST DO! Thinking about kissing while kissing is a surefire way of spoiling the moment!!! When you really love someone, kissing them is all about expressing that love of togetherness! So, don't think, just love!!!
Does any of this make sense? I am totally confused now, wait, I have always been confused! LOL!!!
Good luck, Roh, and practice, practice, practice!!!
WOW! Why would a "normal" healthy man act in this manor? Good question! Did you ever have any suspicions about his sexuality before this? Did he ever make you wait a while before having sex? Have you ever seen him take any pills prior to having sex with you?
Could he have E.D. and not tell you??? This is something I did to my ex wife, so I didn't have to tell her I had E.D.? I slept on the couch, too. Made up fights to avoid sleeping with her.
On the other hand, maybe he just wanted to have you around to keep him from being alone? And, now that he has you, he no longer cares about the sex part, and prefers to masturbate over porn?
I am sorry he has done this to you!!! I hope you know that not all of us males are like that, any more, anyway? I changed once I found out about Levitra, Viagra made my head ache. That is why I asked about the waiting part? I'm supposed to wait one hour prior to having sex, but usually, I only need about twenty minutes?
So many things to think about, sorry I don't have a more specific answer for you?
Oh yes, I will get to tell my side, and force my landlady to show up along with other's I have as witnesses. I've lived here for what, six years now? Never had a problem, paid rent on time, every time. No one ever complained about me, as far as I know, anyway? The thing I want more than anything else is; them having to testify against themselves. When I ask them if they know I am kept awake by their aggressive style of sex, they will have to say yes, or its purjury, right?
I have them by the short hairs, and I think they know it? Last night, they tried very hard not to wake me, hmmmm? Too little, too late!!! I will keep you informed.
Oh, you need to make it a habit. There, I said something about your problem. LOL!!! No, I wish I had some words of wisdom to share, but Dr. Leslie's advice seems spot on, if you ask me? Otherwise, don't sweat the small stuff!
I hope you are feeling well today! I'm real tired, but I am up for the duration!
I know how you feel about your son! He should come first in your life! I know I will always put my adult kids first, if need be? That is just the way things are, for us parents. A special needs child can be a handful, and at times difficult to deal with? You are dong the right thing, but, you also need to take care of Debbie!!! Your son is old enough now, he can have a babysitter, if need be, but you need to get out and have a life, too!!! Your son would want you to, don't you think?
This weekend, you get yourself out there, enjoy yourself for a change. Go shopping for a new dress, or just hang out at the mall? Last weekend I went to J.C.Penny's and bought myself a new hat. Whilst there, I had two, count them (2) ladies ask me out. I didn't accept either one, sorry, not my type at all? I did ask some ladies out myself, but I was turned down by all. But you see, if I can do it, anyone can? You have to put yourself out there, or no one will have the pleasure of asking you out? Ask yourself, there is only two answers they can give, yes, or no. A no will not kill you, if it did, I would be dead several times over? LOL!!! Go on, Debbie, get yourself some "ME" time, you won't regret it!!!
53? You are still plenty young yet! 50 is the new 40, you know? With the right lighting, you may pull off 39? LOL!!! Just kidding, there! 35, eh?
I would wish you luck, but for some strange reason, I feel it is not necessary? You will be stunning, and all the boys will be asking you out!!!
Glad to hear you are on the mend! My brother suffers from Bronchitis, also, so I know how that goes. It sucks, right!? Good thing it doesn't last too long!
As for the question??? That's a good question! Why do we sometimes feel left out? I felt that way a lot. My ex being Korean, left me out on a lot of her get together's simply because I didn't know enough of the language to participate? Luckily, most of our friends were also married to G.I.'s, or ex G.I.'s, so we could also have our talks together. The really bad part was when we went to Seoul to see her brother and his wife. Or, when we went to the tiny village where her mom still lives. No one, and I mean no one but me spoke English! So, I can see how many would feel left out! Even in your proof read without her, I can see her side in this?! Look at it through her side, then you can understand why she felt left out? Maybe?
Ummmm, I feel horrible about this, Roh, but I have still not sent out this check? My neighbors downstairs, and across the stairwell from me, (which is right between my bedroom wall, and hers) through my storage area at the end of my bed, are keeping me awake all hours of the night with their love making? More like animals than human!!! They are young, well, younger than I, anyway? And they have zero regard for my sleep!!!
When I do get up, I feel so low it keeps me from having any energy at all. You should see my "once" spotless abode? I haven't even had the energy to eat right, either! I have found myself wearing the same clothes day after day. I think I might have shaved once? I'm not real sure about that, tho? For some very strange reason, they let me sleep last night, kinda? I kept waking up without them being the reason, all night anyway? Now get this...I have to be in court this morning at 9am., because I snapped and stomped on the floor yelling at them to stop banging into each other so I can sleep? In this cheap built, cheap cost everything building, you can hear each other whisper, feel their every movement. So, when they go at it like animals, it feels like they are including me? My bed goes up and down with his every thrust, and I snapped at them! Disrespectful, disgusting attitude towards a disabled vet!!! I've begged, I've pleaded, I've called the police, my landlady gave up trying to get them to ease up on me. As long as they pay her rent, she could care less!!! I have been trying ti find exact laws on this, so far all I have is a chance to file with the Iowa Legal Aid on a "disruptive" tenant? I know my landlady doesn't want me to, but hey, if she refuses to get this under control, then I feel it is in my best interest to do so, anyway? "THOUGHTS"????? ANYONE???
Sorry roh, I only meant to give you an idea as to why this is taking me so long?! It turned into a rant, sort of? Sorry about that! I still hope $18 dollars will be enough for a hard copy, signed by my favorite author??? I have a place of honor all ready to go in my bookshelf. Can't wait to see how it looks!
The front cover pic is outstanding!!! Beautiful, even!!!