Hi Roh, thanks for clearing that up or me! So, this Pat Conroy is a Psychologist? Or just someone who is fascinated by evil, domineering old men? Dear ole Dads, if you would??? Hey, maybe he gets his jollies by writing stories of horrible dads? Oh, maybe he was one himself? Oh, maybe he was the son of one of those types of sadistic fathers from hell??? Naahhh, just kiddin! Or am I??? LOL!!!
I know what you were trying to put to the original poster, and i agree, it was another heinous part of this sad story! Wow, there were times i thought my father was over strict, but they were just a small tic in the corner of a story like this one?!!! A dust mote, if you will?
Wow, that is a good word for this story, WOW! I hope his disease is not as bad as thought? And that he lives to see his son get married, and have grand kids runnin around! Now that, would be a fitting end to this story!
How true! Thanks Debbie, no truer words have been spoken! From the sound of this post, it seems to say that our very good friend Deb, is up, happy even??? I sure hope so!!! The last month or so, you have been so down, and down on yourself?! This post is more like it, and it makes me happy, also!!!!
I hope this means you have found what you are looking for, without looking? LOL??? Whatever, i like this Debbie a whole lot more than my other Debbie! What? This is the same Deb.? No way, DUDE!!!! This is my happy Deb., and I like her!!! Ok, okay!!! You got me! I like Debbie any way she comes!!!
I hope you are having a wonderful Friday, and i really hope you have a wonderful weekend! It is a three day one! Just don't work, its Labor day Monday! YEAHHHHHHHHHH!
I am so glad to hear your tests proved negative!!! I have gone through the colonoscopy myself, slightly disturbing, but negative. Something everyone should do when they hit their fifties, maybe sooner? Gastritis? My poor grandmother, now deceased, had that for most of her life. I think she got it because my grandpa gave her so much grief over the years? LOL! I hope the docs can fix you up with something that will work for you?
Friends, be they acquaintances, friendly acquaintances, or true friends, as long as they show me some consideration at times, I will still call them friends. If we go through our lives with just one true friend, i feel as though our lives have been blessed?! However, B-----, if you really had a true fiend, she would have been there to take you home. Well, that is what i would expect a true friend would do? Maybe that is expecting too much? Then again, if all of my "friends" knew i was having these tests done, and still did not bother to call and check on me, i would have to think they were not really friends at all?
Well, as you can see, we/us here, have all said something to you about your tests?! We are all glad the tests were negative! well, except for the gastritis? I for one, am sure glad you didn't have the big "C"!!!!!!!
I hope they do call you, and soon! If you do this for them, then they should be checking up on you, too?! As for that one? Yes, you need to decide what to say, i would tell her a friendship goes both ways, so does calling each other. That is, if you were a friend?! Then, just hang up the phone. If she wants to be a friend, she will call back.
Well, i have said a lot, and all of it nonsense! LOL!!! I am just glad you are o.k.!!! Take care, and try to enjoy this weekend?!
I completely agree!!! He should have kicked his old mans ass a few times earlier on, that may have saved him from such a horrible life!!!
But, nothing gives a man the right to rape anyone, ever! No matter how his wife was treated, especially if he stood by and let them pimp his wife out, should he have raped his wife! Rape is such a horrible way for a woman to be treated, especially if she isn't allowed to prepare herself, if you catch my drift? This would cause tearing, and possibly damaging that area of her body?! No, nothing ever gives a man the right to rape his own wife! I have seen and heard of them being put in prison for this heinous crime! As it should be!
What is this Pat Conroy novel? If it is good reading, i would like to read it?
Sorry Roh, I did not mean to refute your answer, and i once again got long winded. LOL!!! Take care my friend!!!
I am so glad you are finding things that might help you, or be useful in some fashion?!
As i was re-reading all of these questions and answers, i stumbled on to something i feel is very important? I think your husband is his father, and doesn't want to be, but it is so much of his "self" he can't find ways to rid himself of his father? As we all know, our parents are our most influence, and i have found that i myself am guilty of being my father at times?! We live with them for a huge portion of our lives, but most important are our earlier years. They imprint their ways, their beliefs onto our brains, or our subconscious more than we may like? Even their behaviors! (Behaviors? hint, hint.) Your husband, is acting just like someone he knows. Knows very well, and is trying to cut him out of his life, but it is too late for that! The father is in the child, or adult child, and your hubby is acting the same way! Could that be about right?
For that reason only, your hubby needs help ridding his father's imprint, if that is what he wants? But, just by distancing himself from his father, he will never get very far away! The father is in the child, and only an "Exorcism" of sorts, (counselling) will ever remove that influence!!!
You have a hard row to hoe, and your hubby is only going to get worse, if you can't persuade him to go to counselling?! He needs it, and i am sure he knows it? The hard part is getting him to admit it to himself, and to you, or a therapist? He must admit it to himself, at the very least? Then, and only then, can he start to rid his brain of his fathers imprint?! I was lucky i guess, i would never want to rid myself of my fathers imprint! That is part of my memory of him now!!! All i have left of his life, and the wisdom he imprinted on my brain. He never ever would hit a lady, and i am that way also! If he said he would do something, he would do it! A handshake was all he needed for any deal! Honesty was very important to him, tho i never took that to heart until a few (16?) years ago, when i realized i hated the way i was, and changed myself to be an honest man, just like my father was. I wish i would have taken more of his values when i was younger? We all can be our own worst enemies if we aren't careful?! Sorry, i digressed a little? LOL!!!
I hope you find a way to make him admit he has an anger problem, and that it will only get worse if not treated? This is also causing some of his stress, i really do believe?! I just hope you can convince him sooner, rather than later!!!
I am glad you asked that question! I agree with all of your points, and also FCL's. I would also like to add that, you know you have a very good friend when they say they will be there, or that they will help, and they do.
I did some reflection on all of the friends i have had as an adult, and i can honestly say i have only had four people like that, as my very good friends. If they said they would be there for me, they was! And vice versa!
I especially like your last comment on friendship, and believe that wholeheartedly, we must give praise where praise is due! That, gives our friendships meaning. If they know you appreciate their help, you can always count on your friend!!!
Unfortunately B-----, you are in a lop sided friendship with this neighbor of yours! I hate to do this to anyone who has actually done something for me when i needed them, but, if this is how your "Friend"? treats you, then i say it is time to drop her! That, is NOT what i would call friend material?! If she would put a little more effort into it, then maybe i might? You also have to consider her thinking of what she considers a friendship as being? Who knows? She might think her behavior towards you as perfectly normal??? But, to find that out, you would have to know some, or all of her background?! Since that cannot be done, you have to take her or leave her at face value?! Again, i would still say drop her. Sorry, but she would not be my friend, anyway.
I hope this helps to give you some insight into her thinking? I have to hope she comes around, you sound like you could use a close friend? Not literally, but as in closer to home??? Well, actually both! LOL!!!
Thank you for inviting us in to your personal dilemma, it always helps to get some other input from others you don't know? That way, we can't know you as personally as we might like, so we are more prone to give cold advice. By cold i mean impersonal. I think that is the right word i seek?
I hope you find what you seek, and soon?! Please take care, and come on back anytime!!! We are all glad to know you, even if it is over the internet?!!!
Long? You call that long??? I guess you haven't read some of my posts? You know, those ones that are so long I have to start again in a new box? Okay, just checking? LOL!!!
I see you have finally taken our advise? The bottle of wine should have left the same taste in your mouth as does this one sided relationship? So, you now see , you should of listened to us a long time ago!
I still hope she will come around and be that close friend, if not, you are still invited to be a part of our team here. We always want people to join us here!
Thanks for sharing all of this, and do not be shy, we will be here for you, or anyone else! Anyone that needs our help is always welcomed here!
Well, sit back, and enjoy a cup of coffee, and good luck to ya!!!
I am indeed doing well, i guess? The chronic pain is getting worse, but what can one expect? Since the last fusion surgery failed, my neck is giving me these nasty shocks. I can be sitting, watching t.v., or playing with Bubba, and bang, there is another one, only this one almost had Bubba flying! LOL!!!
I hope you guys find the key to your particular problems, and stop arguing all the time?! Just hold your spouse close, and make sure she knows that no matter what, nothing could ever make you stop loving her. Nothing!!! Her response should tell you all you need to know!
I would like to offer a small toast; Here's to both of you, may you live in love for the rest of your live's together! I do, er i mean i don't? No, no, i meant... oh forget it!!! LOL!!!
No need to thank me, but you are most welcome! That is one half of what we really do here, someone talks of their problem, and then we try to give them the best response we can. Right? It doesn't even have to be a problem, one could just write to say hi, if that is all they wish to do? I have even used this site to help me get to know some new friends. One of which I have wished and wished for her return is Pdog, does anyone remember her? We used to talk about my rats, and her prairie dogs. I think this is the right site? It may have been the chronic pain one, i just don't remember for sure? She was in such a bad state, it was probably in chronic pain? You catch my drift though, right?
I know what you mean about the cost of flying! The last time i flew was in the early 90's, and from my hometown here in Iowa, i flew to that huge airport in Minneapolis, and the other one in S.D. Twin Cities? I can't recall the name of it, but it is pretty close to here, and it was expensive as all get out!!! Close to $300 if i have that right? A year prior, it was less than $100, go figure right???
All you can do is try, right? I hope your mother does not have dementia! I watched as my father slipped farther and farther away, it wasn't a good thing to watch!!! I hated the fact that with all of these modern marvels in medicine, you would think they would have a cure for everything?! I honestly believe our government, along with the bigger pharma co's, have adopted the treatment not cure mentality? There is no money to be had in a cure, no way, treatment, especially long term treatment, is very profitable!!! They have the cure for a lot of things, even some types of cancer, someone, or should i say many people in higher offices, have put them on the back shelf. Now we the people have to pay those extreme prices all in the name of research?! B.S.!!!!
Wow, i digressed a tad, eh? Sorry about that! Well, i suppose I had better get something done today? You take care, and i always like hearing from some of us oldtimers here! LOL!!! So, don't be a stranger!