I am so glad to hear that, some of the things i said helped you! Or, at least got you to think about some things differently? I know you love this guy very much, and if that is true, then let him help you, and himself?! What you say, makes me think you are mothering him?
Stop laying out his clothes cause he can't find a shirt himself?Really? He may not find something to wear? Come on, you know as well as i do, and he does, you are mothering him! He is a grown man, he has to do some things himself, and picking out a shirt is one of them! He is a big boy now, he can dress himself, at least i hope he can!?
And, stop putting his lunches together. If he doesn't take one, he doesn't want to eat, right? I have skipped lunches, a lot! I am still here. If he wants lunch, let him get it, or not? Who doesn't know how to make a pb&j? Or, who doesn't know how to throw a couple of slices of meat between two slices of bread, and maybe squirt a little mayo on it, then put it in a plastic bag, then put it in a lunch box, or bag, then throw in a small bag of chips, or a couple of cookies, and go to work? Millions upon millions of men and women do this ritual every workday, why can't your husband do what all of them do??? One day, he will become totally reliant on you to do everything for him, even cut up his meat at suppertime?! Don't believe me? I watched my grandma do this for my grandpa, every day he worked, and one day, he was unable to do anything himself, cause my grandma would do it for him?!
I'm probably not helping much, but i really do hope you don't turn into my grandmother? I could see the resentment in his eye's as we sat down for supper with them! He took it cause he had surrendered everything to her at the start of their marriage, yes, even making his lunch, and putting out his clothe's for work!
I guess what i am trying to say is; let him be his own man?! Or, he may just resent you in the future? What you think of as "doing it out of love", is not really helping him. Know what i mean? I don't want you thinking i am coming down on you, but, it is what it is?! After re-reading this, i see i have already made all the points, so, i shall let go of your ear, (kind of?) and get this submitted?
Please take good care of yourself, no one else will, i know! I have been there, still am! LOL!!!
Wait, what??? No one has any time to read this blog? I think this is a must read, and Dr. Leslie's own site is the best place to read this in its entirety? Very educational, even if it does not pertain to anyone, or couple!?
I am so sorry to hear about this melt down! I would really like to talk to you about it, if you don't mind, of course?! I have something like that happen to me from time to time? Probably not as bad as yours tho, i wouldn't think? I am so glad you got past it!!!
Welcome home, Deb, welcome home! We have surly missed you!!! Not much has happened since last we spoke to each other? Oh, i pulled the trigger and bought a 60in. plasma t.v., i wanted the 51in. cause it would have fit perfectly in this small apartment. But, Walmart no longer wants to sell the plasma t.v.'s, everyone seems to want the led's? I don't know why? This plasma has a 600 hz. subfield that exceeds that of the led's currently available?! Oh, 600 hz describes the speed at which your pixel's change colors with the motion of whatever is playing. So, this t.v. is better for gaming, and watching movies on! Led's are just brighter back lit, which gives them a brighter color, and they are better for viewing in daylight, or bright light conditions. Confused yet? I myself, watch more movies than anything else, so this was the best choice for me.
I don't think i ever asked, or you volunteered, but what type of dwelling are you in? House, apartment, shack, shed, garage, or in a van down by the river? (o.k., everything after apartment is just for fun.) LOL!!!
Ah Deb, i am so glad you are home, again!!! I hope you can get on more often, or is that still controlled? I remember you saying you could only use the computer at certain times? Is that still the way of it? Or, can you get your own computer, laptop, or tablet? I know, i know, i ask waaaaaaaaaay too many questions!!! LOL!!! Its my curiosity, i have been saddled with this curse for ever, now! *-*
O.k., i will stop for now. I am so excited to hear you are home, i suppose that is why i got so questiony? When i get excited, i get very loquacious, sorry!!!
I want to wish you a very happy, warm, WELCOME HOME, DEBBIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so happy you have had some answers! I know how frustrating pain can be, trust me on that! I have had nerve damage for a long time now. I have had two neck fusion surgeries, and one failed, so i have to do that again. OUCH!!!
I completely get the hubby part. He is working his tail off to support his family, and get the american dream. BUT, (there is always one of these, right?) he needs to support you right now, also! NO EXCUSES!!! YOU, and that beautiful baby should be his number one priority! When my wife (ex) had our first child, i was the one who insisted she stay in bed and sleep, while i got up and did the nursing, and changing of diapers. And then got up early, got myself ready for work, and then went and worked my tail off, so that i could provide for them, then turned around after 10/12 hours and did it all for her again and again till she felt up to it!!! That is what a man has to do for the lady who just gave them the most precious gift in the world!!! ZERO EXCUSES!!! He is a man, isn't he? Why can't he lay out his own clothes? Why can't he make his own lunches? Did he break an arm? Did he break his leg? If the answer is no, then he needs to step up and be a man! Do for his own self while you recover, and find a relief for your pain! He should even make suppers ahead of time, so you won't have to! All of what i said is what a real man would do, not should do!!! Wow, what a man you have! (NOT)
Sorry, i got carried away on memories. The fact of the matter is, he is not helping you like he should be! Why not, would be my first question? Are you a real man, or a wannabe? That would be my second question. And the third one is; why aren't you doing what a real man should be automatically doing for himself? Then you need to tell him you just pushed a human being out of your own body, and that a little more help would be awesome right now?! Tell him you are sorry for the pain you are in, that is causing this lack of sex, but it is what it is, and a little more understanding from you, would go a long way towards helping!!!
I am so glad to see some of the others have tried to help! Have you tried the pain management site here on WebM.D.? I used to go there all the time, but since it doesn't help with my pain, i no longer go there. But, (there it is again) i know there are some lady's there that have the same thing you have, and maybe, just maybe, one of them can help you??? I have to hope so!
I hope you feel a little more supported here, now? This site can really help that way, i know that to be true, or i wouldn't be here! If you want moral support, and complete understanding of your relationship issues, right here is where you want to be!!! Trust me! I am not even in a relationship right now, but the support, and help, and the understanding from the others here, have helped me in ways i thought impossible!!! This site is like a second home, i can always count on help when i need it, or relationship information, or just a comfortable place to come to for advice! Or, just to hang around with good friends?
I hope you find the cure, i really do! I know what it is like to go without sex for a long, long time!!! The difference being, i am doing this on my own, while yours is not at all? Can we live without sex, sure! Can a relationship/marriage last without sex? Sure! But, (there's that lil devil again) does anyone who is in a loving relationship want to go without? Mostly, NO! Sorry! This all depends on the reason, though. If he really, truly loves you, he would do anything to be with you, and only you?!
I want to wish you all the luck in the world, on both counts!!!
Yep, i believe that to be just about true, don't you? We HAVE been relying on this site for our problems, and sometimes, we even find answers ourselves, or from (Mother) Dr. Leslie? I would still be in a bad way if not for her!
I find it hard to thank her? Its like, no matter what i say, or how i say it, it is never enough? Yet she tells me that, just my finding a better way, is all the thanks she needs? WOW!
Where would we be without Dr. Leslie? We can find things out ourselves, but she is usually the one who steers us that way. So, without her guidance, we would be flailing around trying this and that, till we got it right, or gave up?!
Yes, where would we be, without our (mother) Dr. Leslie???
It is much easier to sort through a problem, when it is laid out before you. Check! Plus, once you have everything sorted out, then you may find more troubles, or more ways to deal with what ever it is bothering you, eh? Check! & Double Check!! LOL!!!
No moon pies for me, but yea, i remember watching that on our old black and white t.v.! It was such a huge accomplishment for our country!!!
I wonder if we will ever reach distant stars like the one's we call aliens, have?
There is just way too much proof of alien existence to ignore the facts! Starting back to our cave man days, the writing is on the wall. Sort of? It is actually picktographs? Not sure how that one is spelled? But you all know what i mean?! Could we actually be aliens ourselves?
I hope you had a HAPPY APOLLO DAY, yourself Roh!!!