I hope you are well this weekend? I suppose I am, the pain never leaves so, I still feel the same, so that is good, right?
Deb, Dr. Leslie has some great ideas there! Something to ponder on this weekend?! And if your Dr. understands your plight, I am sure he will find the right C.M. for you! One that is a little bit more patient, perhaps? Or one that would enjoy spending a little more time with you? One that won't mind taking you somewhere? It sounds like this Dr. you have is pretty smart, i'm sure he will help you, not hinder you?!
You say you have been there 5yrs., where is that? Are you in the hospital? Are you in a group home? You know, one of those assisted living places? My aunt lived in one for over 20yrs., and she loved it! She said there were people in the community that offer rides to those who cannot drive themselves. Is that something you could check into, or have one of the staff check for you? I believe she told me it was retired people that volunteered the rides? I say find out, just in case you need a ride fast, and can't find one close?
I am making an assumption here, but no one should have to put up with someone belittling them!!! Ask them politely to talk to you like an adult. If that fails to work, go see that employees higher up. Keep going higher till it stops, or you reach the hospital director?! Good luck!
Well, Debbie, friend o mine, tis time fer me to call it quits fer now. Do be careful, won'tcha?
O.k., let me see here, you want to be a team lead, but... Say what? It sounds to me as if you lack confidence in your own abilities? And that, is both at home, and at work. You need to stop worrying about making the right decisions all the time. No one is perfect!!!
Somehow, I don't think this is from poor mental programming? I think it is from the lack of conviction? You seem to be afraid to hurt another's feelings? Am I right? I used to be the same way, all the way up to the point of mental frustration. I finally looked myself in the eye, (mirror) and told myself to stop being afraid to hurt someone else's feelings, and start acting like a real person, one complete with flaws and all! You lack conviction because you don't believe in yourself, and in your innate abilities to make, and stand by your decisions! Yeah, it sucks, i know! But, if you ever want to have that honest, open relationship, you need to make your decision, and stand by that decision. And that, goes for at work, also! Try it once. Today, or tonight, or tomorrow if you are already at work, try giving one of the others an order to do something menial? Like, "here, take these papers down to the copy machine, and make a copy of each one for me"! Then turn around and walk away. Do not say please, only thank them when they return with the job done. You could say please, I suppose, it depends on who you are ordering to do this task? If she is someone you consider an equal, then yes, say please, if she is one who you would naturally be over, then no, do not say please, only thank her when she is done doing that task. You see why there is a difference? Once you make Team Lead, you are going to be over ALL of those you have worked with, maybe for years? But, you cannot choose favorites! If you know one's abilities, then you assign tasks in order of experience.
Its something you have to get used to, but, if you mentally do this, just know this, practice makes perfect! Well, almost perfect, right? LOL! Practice this at home, as well. You know you, you have had all this time to get to know you, right? Plus, you know who you want to be, right? Well, do NOT let your insecurities stop you from becoming Roh, Team Lead!!! You CAN do this! What the mind can conceive, can be achieved!!! I know YOU can do this! Bite down on something hard, then scream as loud, and as long as you can. Now, buck up girl, and go GET that team lead sash, or button, or badge, or whatever it is, YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!! Plus, it pays more, right? More pay, more nights out with the spouse, correct? Of course I am! Oops, got carried away there. I am, however, always right! LOL!!!
Roh, my friend, you can do this, we all know you have it in you to become someone great! Now, don't disappoint us! LOL!!!
Like the saying goes; YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello again, we really should stop meeting like this, people are going to start talking about us, you know?! LOL!!!
O.k., so, from what you said, he is going to wait till after the surgery to fix you up with someone? What is an "ICM"? It sounds something like "Individual case manager"? Is that close? Well, if you ask me, it sounds like you are going to have someone with whom you can talk to at anytime? This sounds better to me than a hit and miss chance with your regular counselor? How often do you get to talk with this guy? And how often will you get to talk to an individual case manager? One thing I am sure of is, your regular doctor, the one you like so well, he is going to pick one of those case managers that he knows will be a good fit for YOU!
You have said it yourself, you didn't think this doctor you have now, wouldn't fit? Right? You see, you have to give someone a fair shot at finding something that is best for you?! Who knows, this case manager may be just the right one, right? Give this new one a chance, o.k.?
I hope you are feeling fairly well, today? I guess I am? Don't work too hard today, and try to enjoy yourself for a change!!!
Whattt??? No more knee jerk reactionism??? What ever shall we do? LOL!
I make a joke, but this is no laughing matter!!! I have seen divorces caused by just this kind of reaction! I think mine may have also, but my drug and alcohol addled mind could not discern that at the time! Who knows how many casualties have been caused by the knee jerk reaction???
Dr. Leslie is right on the money, and it is something i have been practicing for a long time, i just never knew it was called this? I've been calling it my "wait a minute here"? Wow, this is, like Roh says, a perfect topic for me?! I cannot count the times I have just exploded on impact, so to speak? Yes, indeed, this is the perfect topic!!!
I read your blog prior to coming here, and I could relate to this. This used to be me, and I don't know how many people I have hurt because of my knee jerk reaction? Too many, to be sure!!!
Thank you so much, Dr. Leslie, it seems you have some of us pegged? I wish I was as quick to learn personalities like you? It wasn't long after I put myself out there, before you gave me the key I needed to get better brain, and heart wise?! Back in the day, if I didn't like the way you looked, or even talked, you would be history! And who knows, they may have turned out to be a best friend? It was always my knee jerk reaction that got me in more trouble than a body would ever want?! I still can't thank you enough for freeing me of past bonds!
Hey, at least now I have a better name for that pause I like to take, now? Curious? Very good! It is shorter, and more to the point than mine is!!!
No, I don't think you are evil, just a mite jealous. If what both of them are saying is more a good friend, or thinking of each other as family, then there is no reason to deny their friendship?! You are the only one here with a problem, sorry to say.
There is no reason to think of this as anything but what it appears to be! And yes, it is equally okay for one sex spending the night with the other sex, and not having intercourse with one another! I myself have done this on several occasions, and there were no advances made by either party. Yes, it IS possible to have an opposite sex best friend! I did, for many years.
Once again, it seems that, it is you that has this jealousy problem. Denying your spouse his friends from his past, could come back to bite you on the bum? Instead, why not try to become friends with her yourself? Either see her through your own eyes, or try to see her as your spouse sees her? Try both, what could it hurt? You may just wind up with a best friend of your own??? If i remember right, you said she lived pretty far away? If that is so, then where is the problem? Hmm, just wondering aloud, sorta, on the screen, anyway? LOL!
Remember this, try to keep an open mind, she is his friend from long ago, right? How long have you know him? Get the point? I hope so for your own sake?!
Get to know her, and you also get to know your spouse a whole lot better! Good luck!
Or should I say "Team Lead"? Hmmm, sounds pretty good to me?! I have to say, if you know inside that you can handle this promotion, and the responsibilities that go along with it, if you say yes, then I say, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR????
Seriously Roh, I think you are very right about that "Victim Mindset"! You have alluded to this many times, tho not using that precise terminology. So, why did this give you that IDEA to connect your personal life with this working life? Did I actually miss this? I know now that you have, like i said, alluded to this, but you never gave voice (print?) to this. Why do you think that is? What made you give yourself that title? Victim mindset? Can you explain that any further? I know all this time, now, that this is what you were always trying to get out, but never have? How did you connect these two lives of yours? I say two lives because you have one at home, and one at work, we all have them.
Wow, this is driving me crazy, now, trying to connect my two, well, my past two lives together to see my victims mindset? Did I even have one? It sure seems like I should have? What with that vindictive driver of mine driving me off that mountain, and my ex wife's cheating, to combine into my mindset of "F em all", which is where my drug and alcohol addiction began to bloom. Hmmm, sure seems to be an victims mindset in there, somewhere? Don't you think?
Wow, I can't wait to hear how you finally tied the two together?! And when I do hear, there had better be a title before your name, something like; Roh, Team Lead?
I am so sorry to hear about this! I really thought this guy was the one you needed? Well, it is not the end of the world, so don't panic, okay!? Just ask him for a recommendation to another guy that HE trusts to treat you well, or even a she, eh? We have Dr. Leslie here, so you could even ask him for a female Dr., what would it hurt? She may even know what you are going through, better than even he himself, did? You just never know, right?
Please don't let this get you down. How do you know the next one will not even try to understand? How do you know he will just stick you in a program? You cannot know these things, they have yet to occur, right? Sure, he may even be better than this one, right? You just never know till you try, right? Of course i am right! I am always right! LOL!!! Come on, Deb, at least wait till you know for sure before you condemn the new guy/girl, okay? You can at least give them a test drive, what will it hurt? Try to keep an open mind, they deserve a shot at helping you, just like you gave this last one, right? Sure i'm right! I am always....wait a minute, haven't we been here before? LOL!!!
Give them a shot first, Debbie, before you condemn them.They deserve that much!!!
I knew I was right, and that is something I hate to be right about! At least you know where you stand now, and you can see his association with his behavior, and his fathers? This is one of those things that are never easy, nor fixable. At least, not without years of therapy? LOL!
I like your plan, just be careful you don't make him madder? If I were you, I would try being subtle about it at first, then gradually bring it in front and center each and every time he gets stupid!!! And if he still fails to see the light, you could start pushing therapy. I would have him do single therapy at first, then try couples therapy later on, if he shows positive changes?!
You must be an incredibly strong woman, to put up with this type of behavior? I hope this all works out, if not, don't be afraid to file for divorce. There is only so much one can take, and after that, it gets to be overwhelming. Just make sure you cover your bases. Things like; getting his anger shows on film, or orally on tape. Make yourself an individual checking and savings account. Put every cent you can into savings, and everything you can into checking, just in case. Get statements from your friends that have witnessed these outbreaks. In other words, prepare yourself for a worse case scenario. You may even want to retain a lawyer? Or, at least ask one for what you may need now, and for that worse case scenario?! With a guy like your hubby, one who is miserable by his own admission, he very well could snap? Then what? Do you have an emergency number to call for a friend or relative to come get your child, should he ever cross the line???
I hope it never comes to that, but the saying is; better safe, than sorry!!! Think about it!
I hope you find some way to turn this around, and have that awesome marriage one dreams about?!