Thanks again! Another fine blog! And topic of discussion!
Well, you already know my story, or why i had to seek therapy?! I was a wreck, drinking to excess, fighting, hoping someone would kill me, or would i have to myself? I had already tried to, twice, both times i was found out, and "SAVED"? I didn't think so at the time?
I was civilly committed to an mental hospital, but after two weeks they found i was ex-military, so, they shipped me off to an Vet's Hospital. Same thing, they lock you in so you can't hurt any more than the amount of people in your "cell" block? LOL!!!
While i was there, this young Dr. with a P.H.D., asked if she could help me? I thought yeah, right! But, i gave her a shot, and laid it all out for her. Well, she said some things that really connected, and she was so young, and the older ones i had to talk to, had no clue, or gave me sugar coated answers? Not her, she laid it out very bluntly, and what she said made me want to change? Me? Well, yes, it was!
Between her, and our very own Renowned Specialist, Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps, I am now a straight and narrow kind a guy!!! I have to put more emphasis on Dr. Leslie tho, she has more experience, and aid from other Dr.'s she knows, and can refer you to some of their writings, and really help you get to the bottom of whatever ails you?!!!
Dr. Leslie gave me the "key" to unlock my chains that bound me to the past. Without her help, i honestly do not know where i would be right now? I may very well be compost matter, worm food, or some such? I honestly cannot thank her enough!!! She saved me, she saved me from a life of woe and agony!
Without the help of a couple, few therapists, i now have a life filled with happiness again, instead of anger! Caring, instead of hate! I can live life again, a life without hate, and anger, and Intoxication! I am free of all the chains that had bound me to nastiness!!! Thank you, thank you so very much Dr. Leslie!!!
Is that your name?? Sammy? A nick-name perhaps? Well, i guess it doesn't matter with what i have to say? You wrote this last missive with a lot of pain, didn't you? You say "since my emotional vent, i am feeling a lot better". Really? I can feel your pain, weather you try to hide it or not?! You are really hurt by your sisters "betrayal"? I think that is what you really feel, is it not? You have been betrayed by the one constant in your whole life, well, to this point, anyway?
You probably have a sense of loneliness, or of being alone? I felt that when my oldest brother joined the military, i felt left alone?! Even tho i had one older brother, and one younger sister left, i still felt an alone, an empty place i could not seem to fill? It took a long time, and more friends my age, to get past that! Perhaps if you tried something similar? Like get more social, more out there? Find more friends to hang with, fill that emptiness, and you will get by just fine! I did, and i am sure countless others have, too? You can do it!
I hope you get past this soon, i know how it feels, and i hated it!!! Get out there, find other people to be with, and your hurt will fade with time, and activity! I promise! If you take this time to discover who YOU are, you won't be thinking of you know who? LOL!!!
No, i am not the professional you seek, but i just had to jump in and say YOU are RIGHT, SHE is WRONG!!! Wrong, wrong, wrong!!! I don't think i could have handled it as nice as you, but if any of my children, or their spouses, ever, EVER did anything like that to ME? They would be nursing their slapped cheek!!!
What that snotty DIL does to you, and you let her? Only emboldens her to keep at it! She needs your guidance here, you need to slap her silly! She may get away with acting like that around her folks, but does your son, or your daughter ever treat you this way? And if they did, what would you do???
There is your answer! Treat her like you do your own children, because legally, she is now one of your children by law!!!
I hope this helps, i really do!!! NO ONE, NOT ANYONE should disrespect their elders, NEVER, EVER!!!!! I could go on and on about how our society now is called the entitlement society! No more respect for anyone, or anything! All the kids of today, need to be slapped down, and showed how to respect, PERIOD!
Please don't worry about making something too long! Take all the space you need, even if it takes three, or ten writing blocks!!! 4000 characters are not really all that much?! LOL!
Well, hi again, and thanks for coming!!! You are most welcome, ANYTIME!!!
Wow!!! Your hubby is one lazy guy! You really should do as FCL suggested, leave his messes alone, and only worry about your and the kids messes! He will get tired of the plates and bowls staking up at his place at the table?! Or on his half of the couch, or even the bed, only make your side up, and if at all possible, use your own sheets and blankets?! (It will work if you have a split mattress bed.)
Leave hubbies dirty clothes wherever he leaves them, dirty towel, what ever you can come up with, that will drive him crazy till he gets the message! Oh, and no sex, either, if you can bear that?!
Leave half of everything you possibly can, and i hope he gets the message? Or, as a last resort, leave for a week, go on a mini vacay all by yourself, and lets see how long it takes him to beg for you to come home? Go see your family, friends you haven't talked to in a while? The point is to make him see how much he needs you, and how much he needs to do to have you stay?!
Before you go back, make him promise to do his half of everything! A marriage should be a partnership, everything 50/50!!! If a man cannot live up to his responsibilities, then he is no partner, and needs to be fired! Find one who will stand up to the plate and take care of business!!!
It sure made me remember some real good times! And some, shall i say, not so good times? As i look back on my life so far, i see how many friendships i have had over all this time? And it has also made me think of my own mortality. I have lived a lot of years already, how many more could there be? It sure makes me wonder?!
The best part of remembering is family! As a kid growing up, we had a one family reunion every year here, in Clear Lake, Iowa. And the other family get together at another time right in our hometown of Muscatine, Ia., right alongside the Mississippi!!! We sure had some high times!!!
Then, everyone that kept the families together, started to get too old to go, so we eventually ended those family gatherings. I still wonder why? The new "Grand Parents" tried, but as us kids got older, our idea of fun, was not a family reunion I guess? So, like i said, they eventually died out?
Now i look back, and i kinda feel sad. What we had as a child, our children missed out on. I feel like we let them down, somehow? That makes me sad, just to think about that! That was a fine tradition, and we let that slip away? Shame on us! Our generation let the next one down! What happened? We had such a tight, loving family unit! One that sat at the dinner table every night! One that respected our parents! How could we let our next generation fall prey to the "electronic Age"?
I sure have to set back and wonder, where did we go wrong, Where did we go so wrong? I never let my kids play video games all day and night! They never had a cell phone, well, not till they were older! What did we NOT do right?
What ever happened to "FAMILY"???
Any insights on that topic, Dr. Leslie?
Thank you for these blogs, most are truly mind opening!!!
First, i hope you can forgive me, i misunderstood and thought you were twin sisters? For that, i apologize!
Now this makes more sense! She is probably doing this for her boyfriend, as much as for you? My guess is, he sees you as a potential threat? He fears your sister, if need be, would pick you over him in some family crisis? Or just because? You know, he fears you will take up most of her time? Maybe tell her bad things about him? These are fears he has, and has probably given your sister an ultimatum? Pick him or see ya? My guess is, your sister sees potential in this guy, so she is doing this for herself?! Not because she really wants to, and probably figures he will come around once they get married? Or at least more secure in love?
Give her this time, i think you know in your heart of hearts that, she will come back to being your sister once she is sure this guy is a keeper?! Time, its only a little time, she needs this time, so, i think you should give her that? Don't you?
Meanwhile, with your sister being occupied, this is time for you to do some searching of your own. Get out there, enjoy your life, find a woman for you to fall in love with!!!
You will be fine, just take the time to reason this out for yourself, then get out there, for YOU!!!
When i was married, and living in the States, i used to take my family to my hometown area, there we would mingle with as many family members, and friends as we could! When i moved back there to be a Mr. Mom to my kids, we would go to Colorado Springs so the kids could spend time with their mother, i would spend my time with some of the best friends a guy could have, or so i thought? Only two of my best friends out there are still best friends, no matter how much time passes between visits.
Now, i live alone, so i like to go back to the hometown area when ever i get the chance?! I can still run into childhood friends, and know they are still friends!
If i decide to take a short vacay around here, i pack up and go fishing, or maybe fishing and camping? Anything i can do to relieve the everyday stress, i will do! I know how much all the stress i have had in my life so far, has aged me inside, as well as out! I need a rest of my lifetime vacay! LOL!!!
Thanks again, Dr. Leslie! Another fine topic, and an important one, also!!!
I feel just like Dr. Leslie, i hope this is not so overbearing on you that you miss the joy of college?! You say you are doing the college scene, does this not give you any enjoyment, no friendships started, or ongoing? I missed out on all of that, i joined the Army at 17, stayed in 7 years, then followed the money and now, i am crippled up and no longer care! But you?
I find this hard to believe? You say you feel like you are fairly good looking, working out to improve the health and profile? Doing all these things, and yet not one girl likes you? Are you talking to them? If yes, do you try to find common things you both like? Are you putting your "Rambo Attitude" out there? I mean walking the walk, talking the talk? Women do like a man who exudes confidence!
The weather is getting warmer by the day, use that to an advantage. Wear a muscle shirt, or no shirt at all, stand where everyone can see you, and start flexing those muscles, only don't make it look obvious?! Even if your muscles lack definement, the girls will notice! Keep going to that gym, or find one where more women go? Try a Yoga class?
When i was 17/18, my buddies would get so mad at me, i always had a girlfriend, many different ladies, and it made them jealous!!! Know what i did? I put myself out there where the ladies were! At this time, Disco was the thing! So, i learned a few moves, and went to a disco! The very first time, women were falling over each other to dance with me, i was the only white guy there! My buddies, when i told them my secret, absolutely refused to go Disco dancing, they were hard core rockers, rockers without girlfriends! LOL!!!
That was my "Secret"? No secret, put yourself where the ladies are! If you plant yourself there, they will come!!!
I hope this helps?!!!
Let us know how things are going for you, there is no shame in this game!!! Best of luck to you!!!
Well, you sound like an adult, so i am going to speak to you as one, i hope this helps?!
You and your twin sister share a bond nothing can break! It may bend, sway, what have you, but never will it break! You two are, in the end, sisters!
Your sister is trying to have a life for herself. She cannot have you tagging along everywhere she goes, right? Of course that is right! You also have a life to live by yourself, or hopefully, with your own boyfriend?! This "tough love" is for your own benefit! Go on with your life with your sister as an aside now. You are your own person, live your life that way, as your own person, and not one that needs her sisters shoulder to cry on constantly! Tough love? Or is it caring love? Your sister will always love you, and you her!
You feel as if you were dumped aside? Not in their eyes! They see you as a third wheel now, once you get another boyfriend, and you will, then they will ask you out on double dates for sure!!! Hang in there, you will see!
I hope this helps you prioritize your own life, as your sister has?!