She is not only being unfriendly, she is getting worse? Great! Well, I don't see why you would even want to be friends with that woman, but you said you wanted to, so? What do you do, or say to make her want to be more engaged with you? (Again, if you ask me, I think you have done enough already?) Your plan is as good as any, I suppose? Try it, call her once, then e-mail her once as a follow up? If she blows you off, there is your answer! The thing is, do you want her to blow you off? What if she does? Will things be the same as now, or get even worse? What I'm trying to say is, are you willing to give up the little you have with her now? Its not much, but is it better than nothing? Tough choice, I know, but one you need to make, and stick with it! If she doesn't call or text back, you need to put an end to your caring about her, and that will be a difficult task for you are such a caring, giving personality! I would not want to be in your shoes, I had to do this twice before, I know how much it hurts! Look at it this way, at least she isn't one of those friends that want to do everything with you?
Wow, I hope she answers, and that she eventually comes around! She must be someone special, or you would not want her company so much? Loneliness can be a horrible thing, I know, been there/done that! I have learned to live alone, and enjoy it, perhaps that is what you need to find? Being alone doesn't mean you have to be alone, you just need something to fill the void! Even if you had gotten that job, you would still be alone out on that farm. You need a dog! You need something to care for, and something that cares for you! Wow, that just popped into my head? Well, that could be the answer? I was tired of being lonely, so I went to the pet store and bought a rat. She was a beautiful cream color, and she loved to sit on my shoulder, or between my neck and my easy chair? No, they don't live too long, so there is pain involved when they pass at 2 to 3 and a half years? They are cheap, and so lovable, and they don't eat much!!!
A pet could help you get over that loneliness? Maybe one of the smaller breeds? Something to sit in your lap all day, that would be nice?! That could be the answer? It may be worth a try?
Well, anyway, let us know how things are going? We will all be thinking of you, and sending our good vibes!
Still no luck, eh? Have you tried asking girls out? What I mean is, have you asked a lot of girls out? I have S.A.D. also, but after forcing myself to go out and ask as many women as I possibly could, out, it has made it a lot easier for me?! Even when they rebuke me, I still smile and say, thank you for your time, good day! And then I make sure to ask two or more after. I believe that is good therapy, and I have felt unable to thank this Dr. enough! I believe it could work for you, also!!!
Yes, it is so hard to go out there, and bare your soul to ask a woman out? BUT, have you ever thought that maybe this girl is as scared as you are? Chances are, they are just as, or more scared than you?! Here is an easy test, go out to one of the favorite hang outs, watch out of the corner of your eye, if you see a single girl checking you out, turn towards her, if she averts her eyes, she is just as, or more scared than you! Go on, go out and try it, on a Friday night, or Saturday night, when the hang outs are crowded is where you will find the best test subjects. Now, once you have a test subject you would like to get to know, go ask her. Better yet, go ask every one of them that averted their eyes, out!!! Keep a tally of how many you have asked, and how many accepted. That should, hopefully, help you out?!
There was a study done on this subject, please don't ask where or what magazine I read that in, it was a long time ago? Women and men are as equally divided on this test. So, try to remember that, next time you go out. That woman that averted her eyes, may just be the new Mrs. Eagleboy? You just never know?!
If by change you mean with P.T.S.D.? There are a ton of Military personnel that have it, and yes, most of it comes from some traumatic experience? Like being on the front lines in combat? Yes, there is a good possibility he will get that, to some degree, anyway? It is all about how well his mind can handle it?
I would say he has about a 50/50 chance of getting it? But, he may also be one of those types that handle these situations very well? I had a couple of real good friends go over there for Operation Iraqi Freedom, the first war in Iraq? Well, one friend was the strong military minded, get drunk and fight kind of guy. The other was about 5'5" and 105 soaking wet, and get drunk but never fight kind. Well, to my surprise, the little guy had no problems in any type of situation, no matter how hot it got? And my very large friend, ran the first time they were in a fire fight with the enemy? Go figure, right? You see, some have it, some don't? It will all depend on how his mind accepts situations like that? How is he at figuring out problems now? Does he handle stressful situations well? If he does, then he will probably be just fine?
As for you going with him, no way! But, if he was to go to Germany, or say S. Korea, then yes, you would be allowed to go. If you are married to him, you would be allowed to go with him. If not, then you would have to make your own arrangements. Passport, Visa, all that happy get shots, get tickets, etc. etc. Yes, you could accompany him overseas, just not to Iraq or Afghanistan, but you probably would not like it there anyway? LOL!
So, in summary; he may or may not change all that much? Depends on his character? As for the P.T.S.D., again, he may or may not, once again that would depend on his fortitude in stressful situations such as combat? As far as this goes, it is still a toss up, he hasn't even completed boot camp yet.
I suggest you adopt a "wait and see" attitude for now? Keep doing what you are doing, stick to your own game plan, for now. Wait till he has all of his training done, but watch for any changes in his personality, his way of talking to you? Then, if he has to go over there, wait till he comes home, then see how he relates to you, is it the same as before, or is there a difference? In the end, it is all up to YOU as to how you proceed from there?!
I hope this helps at least a little? Hopefully, this will prepare you for any changes he may go through? He will change, you already know this! It is how he changes that matters. And, it is up to YOU to decide how things progress from there!
No problem, that is what I come here for, to help, if at all possible? I also come here to be helped, just as you have. That is what I love about this site, it's a community!
One more thing to think about, if you are interested in going back to school, the military will help with that, also? On some posts, they have school with instructors right there. I don't know if you have a degree or not, but it is something more to ponder? If you are interested in working on base, I believe there are places to sign up? There are some things even girlfriends get to do, so cheer up! I'm sure you can find work, or what ever you may like to do?!
Oh, I just thought of something else, some bases have temporary housing. By temporary I mean a limited time frame for you and your boyfriend to find suitable quarters. (Quarters?,=on/off post housing.) However, without being married, you will have to live off base. Take it from me, do not accept on post housing!!! Find something, anything to live in off post! Even a large refrigerator box is better! LOL!!! But, (there is always one of those, right?) sometimes, especially around military bases, housing will cost an arm and a leg, and a kidney too! LOL!!! Oh, and that, is only if you can find something!
If I were you, I would give it a chance before I married him, just to make sure this is something I can handle??? You understand that, already. Don't you? Yes, I thought so from all you have said? So, give it a test drive, if the shiny paint dulls too fast, claim the Lemon law and dump it! LOL!!! Kidding, just kidding!!! Once you see all of the benefits, even if he only serves the minimum amount of time, he gets all the benefits. Something to ponder. The minimum time when I was in was, three years active duty, then three years of inactive duty, reserves, or Nat. Guards? In some cases, the minimum is much shorter, say months, instead of years? Depends on the situation, of course. Something to look up, once you are in?
O.k., I have given you plenty to ponder, eh? Think on it, come back and ask any questions or concerns you might have? I will be here, at least once a day, pretty much every day? I love this community! I don't know what I would do without it?
Once again, I hope I might have helped, in some small way?
Please take care, I wish only the best for both of you!!!
Don't think that, you can go with him to most overseas duty stations, or other duty stations right here in the good ole U.S.A.? The only problem is, is the duty assignments restrictions on wives or girlfriends? Some, will not allow even wives to accompany the service member, others will. Some even allow the girlfriend to go, but at your own expense. If you did go at your own expense, you will also have to rely on available housing there, and no, it will not be on post. You see, there are so many different scenario's, I couldn't type them all?! LOL!!!
If he does enlist for full time duty, you should have a frank discussion with him on possibly getting married, so you can also have the benefits? That way, if you get hurt, you can go on post to see a doctor at no cost. Wait, I heard someone talking about that at my last visit to my local vet rep? He said something about a co-pay, so if that means wives, or even the enlistee, you could have to pay one? But, good news, it would be a lot cheaper than any outside doctors office visit!!!
Some more things to ponder, eh? You said you had a commitment for six months next year, can the B.F. wait, or not? Otherwise, he may get shipped overseas, and you will not have any way to get there, if they will let you, of course? If you guys are married, it makes everything a lot easier!!!
I hope you guys can have an honest, and frank discussion about all of the possibilities? Be very honest with each other over your feelings, this is very important! If you feel scared, tell him, do not hold anything back! Hopefully, he can help you overcome such feelings? Always be honest with each other, it will help with any future disagreements.
Wow, there I go again, sorry!!! I get so carried away with trying to help, I don't even notice I'm doing it?! LOL!!!
Wow, you have endured so much pain in your life, I feel sorry for you! I know that is not what you want, but it is so hard not to care?! You need someone who can feel your pain, not some cad that only wants to string you along!
I agree with Dr. Leslie, you really should find a good therapist to help you get past this pain you keep in your heart! Holding on to something like that, for so long, is just not healthy in any way! So what if you lost the best therapist in the world, there are still plenty of other ones out there, ones that do want to help you!
I was in the Army for 7 years. If, like you say, his A.S.V.A.B. scores are low, then yes, he will probably be assigned to the Infantry? However, if I were him, I would try for something not quite as nasty as the Infantry. My scores were not so great, also, so I enlisted for an Air Defence position. He may still be assigned to an Infantry position, or more likely, an Field Artillery unit? If he goes for the Stinger (if that is what they still call it?) he will at least be able to ride in either a jeep, or some other mode of transport? In other words, he will save on shoe soles. LOL!!! I happened to like my position as team leader/squad leader, and would do it all over again!!!
Like my friend Roh has said, there are different types of help you can get, especially if you two were married! For you, right now, you would have to find an off post type of help. That is more difficult, but doable. You will have to look up something from the area they assign him to? Wait, you said only Reserves is all he wants? O.k. then, you will have to look up some type of help/support group in your neighbor hood. Look under support for military families, or spouses of soldiers? Anything you can think of to help? I have not looked up anything, but I do have my State and Federal benefits booklet. Maybe there is something in there? This may take a bit of time, I have no idea where it is at the moment?
In the mean time, look up "State and Federal Benefits.gov/reservists" That may be of some good use? Anyway, I would like to offer my opinion on his joining the Military. And yes, we all know what an opinion is full of. LOL!!! I would hope he is willing to wait a few, and try to get some more schooling, maybe off the internet for free? The higher he can raise those scores, the better off he will be! And, if they are high enough, maybe he could think of joining the officers corps? Start out with a butterball bar, who knows, maybe one day he will be a General?
Okay, I have written enough, my fingers hurt! LOL!!!
I want to wish both of you great success in what ever you do?!!!
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