WOW!!! How you could have stayed with him after the first child, is beyond me? After that first rejection, you should have cut your losses and left him! And yes you can leave his house, and his lousy attitude towards you! Ever hear of a woman's shelter? Don't you have any family, friends to help? You could ask your church for help, the county/city where you live? They have funds for housing if you have low, or no income. I haven't thought about this for some time now, but, you do have resources available to you if you ask for them.
DO NOT worry about the kids, this is the time to think about yourself! Believe it or not, children are very resilient, and more perceptive than we give them credit for? So, love this idiot from afar, and save yourself from more heartache!!! You can't change him, especially if he doesn't want to!!! From what you have told us, he doesn't want to change.
If you fear leaving in a hurry, go to D.H.S. and apply for everything they have to offer, even the housing. They can hook you up with a lawyer so he can't just take the babies away from you. Plus, anything else you need legal help with, you know, like child support from this dead hearted guy you are sleeping with? This THING has taken advantage of your love for IT, and is using you, and abusing you! Please reconsider these feelings, hopefully, it is just infatuation? Anything is better than having love for this dead hearted THING?!!!
Once you get all your ducks in a row, leave this THING and get out!!! Oh sure, you could try therapy, or counselling, but he will probably not want it, or even care to change his awful behavior towards you? I'm sorry! I know you love this guy, and you keep hoping he will finally see you as his girlfriend, but I think you know deep down that he never will? It is time for you to let IT go! Grieve your loss, then find the man that you are meant to be with. He is out there, just waiting for you to come to grips with this lost cause? Take the babies and RUN!!! Your first stop should be the D.H.S. office where you live!!! They can help you out, but you have to be ready for that help? Remember all the denials, the locked phone, everything, then what will you do about it? RUN!!!
Again, I am sooooo sorry for you! As a male, I hate to see cases like yours! I realized much too late how I was hurting my ex wife, and I consciously made the effort to change, and I have. Your guy never will with you! He is a lost cause because he never loved you in the first place?! Leave him, grieve over him, but please don't hurt yourself any more than you have too? At least talk to the D.H.S. okay?
I hope this all works out right for you, I really do!!!
Myself, I would have to say I lost my faith when my mother died? I questioned the existence of this "GOD"? that we worship? The only thing I could think of was what the ancient Indian ancestors called God was actually their grandfathers. I read some books on the religious practices of our old ancestors, and that is what most thought was true? We actually are worshiping our ancient ancestors, or Grandfathers? Grandfather eventually morphed into God, as far as I could find out, anyway? Well, no, that is my opinion, anyway? Some of those ancestors of ours, if you have seen any westerns, called the sky our father? You know, as in Wicka where they still worship Father Sky, Mother earth???
Perhaps it really does boil down to FAITH???
As far as I'm concerned, everyone has the right to worship whomever, or whatever they want!!! Just please leave me out of it!!! Dr. Leslie's blog is in more detail, go check it out, think about it, then give me your thoughts, and we can discuss them, if you like?
That is not what I was hoping to hear! I'm so sorry for you I could cry myself! I did the same thing to my ex-wife, I had E.D., still not an excuse for neglecting her, I know that, now?! If only I had had the courage and trust to include her in my problem, we would probably, well, maybe still be together? She changed sooooooo much when she saw the money she was making?! She waved it over me like a flag. She would tell everyone that she made more money than I did, and that I didn't even work. I would have to tell them it was her fault I didn't work, cause she wanted me to be the Mr. Mom around the house, and kids, of course?! I have to admit, I loved every minute of it!!! I had the kids all to myself for up to three months while she was away making all that money. I wouldn't change much of that time, except I would not be drinking so much?!
I wish there was some kind of pill to stop someone from cheating, but there isn't one yet!? I'm sorry for you, mostly, because you sound like an amazing person?! You have done nothing wrong, I hope you remember that, always!!! I wish I knew why my ex cheated on me, but I was never told, and I don't want to know any more?! I got so tired of waiting for that reason that never came, so I let it drop. I stopped caring, and stopped crying! Has your soon to be ex ever really told you the why of his cheating??? I don't mean the "I only see you as a mother" lie, I mean the really why?
I have to hope you find the happiness you deserve!!!
I know Dr. Leslie will have the right answers for you!!! I just wanted to chime in here and tell you something. We all see you women as "MOTHER'S", once you have babies with us!!! The thing to remember though, is this; you are still our wife, you are still the lover I fell in love with!!! At least, that is what I remembered, anyway? Just another one of those mindful things we need to be aware of!!!
Yes, Smiley, you can be many, many things all at once!!! Mother, Lover, Wife, Friend, Family member, Student, etc. etc. Now, isn't that something?! I'm so sorry your own husband can't, or couldn't see this in you? I'm sure you saw him as Lover, Best Friend, Husband, Father to your children, etc. etc. Right? I am sorry for you, Smiley, you married an Oaf! A Cad? A Dud? A Cheater for sure! I just, no, I do hope you know that not all of us men are like that?
Your hubby, if he really wanted to, could, and would do anything he could, to change into the man you had thought you married?!!! He has to see you as all things to him, not just the Mother to His Children?!!! Now, the hard truth; his seeing you as only a Mother, is BUNK!!! That, is his way of blowing you off so he could get away with his cheating! I know this, I heard my friend use the exact same lie!!!
Smiley, if you still want to stay with this, this man? Well then, you are going to have to show him, you can't just tell him?! Be spontaneous! Meet him at the door after work wearing nothing but an "come hither" look in your eyes. Take him by the hand, pull him good naturedly to the bedroom, then make love to him like he has never been made love to before? If that fails to work, then your marriage might as well be over?!
I hope for your sake, not his, that you can make him "SEE" you as the woman he fell in love with at the beginning? If he is really done with his cheating, then he will be your's again?!
Smiley, I hope you know that it wasn't you? You did NOT force him to have an affair? You are NOT responsible for his thinking, nor his actions? HE did what he did all on his own!!! No amount of discussing EVERYTHING would have helped? He did what he did because he WANTED to, NOT because he only THINKS OF YOU AS A MOTHER?!!! No amount of anything you could have thought of, could have stopped him from doing what he wanted to do?! I just hope you know that?!!! You did nothing wrong!!!!!!!!! He did the wrong!!!
I hate being the one to point these things out, but being the only man here, has made me want to help you see things from his perspective? HE, and only him, did YOU wrong!!! Your husband cheated on you! The only way you can possibly fix this is by getting him to admit he made a mistake? And yet, you caught him at how many of these "mistakes" now??? He is the one that needs to make this marriage work, not you!!! You have done all you can, now, leave it up to him? Tell him the ball is in his court, and see how he handles this? He needs to take responsibility for his own actions, not put them on you! He did you soooo wrong by saying he only sees you as a mother!!!!!
Okay, I keep repeating myself here. I am just sooooo sorry for you, Smiley, not him!!!!! You sound like an Angel, for wanting to fix this? You have to get him to, you can't fix him?! I'm sorry for saying all of these things to you, but I wanted you to see/know deep down, you can't fix him, therefore, you have to get him to?! If he still wants this marriage, then he is the one that has to fix it, not you, please, please know that, okay?!!!
On behalf of most men, I apologise for his actions!!! They are not the actions of a real man!!! He should have come to you, he is the man, supposedly? I know, I should have done the same thing in my marriage, but I was too immature to tell her?! I was to insecure to trust her!!! It was all my fault, yet I blamed it on her?! I would never do so again, ever!!! It is all about the trust level?!
I also agree with Dr. Leslie, meditation is a wonderful thing to do!!! I have been using E.B.T. for quite a while now, and it is sometimes a lifesaver to me?! I'm going to borrow Dr. Leslies advice, hope you don't mind? I want to check out Diana Winston's meditations for myself!
I am glad I could make you laugh! Laughter is the best medicine, right? Great!!! So, laugh out loud sometimes, it makes you feel good?!
Phewwww, that's a relief!!! I thought you would be real mad at me for taking your spouse away from you? Er, um, I meant to say, Yea, I feel the same way!! Friends forever, or Besties Foresties??? You decide!!! LOL!!!
I am indeed a wonderful guy! At least that's what most of my past relationships would say, I hope??? Well, except for Tonda? She was the one seeing her ex boyfriend while we were living together. Did I mention how much I hate being cheated on???
I'm leaning towards Besties Foresties? How bout you? LOL!!!
I hate to say anything, Dr. Leslie won't know you responded to her?
I do indeed mean just that! In a military manner, nothing else!!! I'm sorry if she took it wrong!!! Tell her I apologise, okay? I meant no harm, only to have you covered should the need arise, and then only with defense!!!
I know you already know my creed? I touch nothing on any woman, should she be the girlfriend, married, or just thinking of seeing someone, ever!!! I was cheated on, remember? I know how bad, how deep that cuts, and would never ever do that to anyone EVER!!!! Sorry, my emotions cropped up!
I meant it as you have a friend, if you need one!!!
I like what Dr. Leslie is suggesting! I have done this for a long time now, and I know how effective this method is. I think you already said you did, but I could be wrong, I might be thinking of someone else?
Yes, now that I have stopped to think on it, I believe that was FCL that said that? No matter what, I am so proud of you!!!
I was thinking; maybe I shouldn't actually say I have your six? Your spouse could become very violent towards me, and have me bumped off??? Well, hey, you just never know? You know??? LOL!!!