How truly sad this situation is!!! You don't know this, but when I first moved to this town, I found the woman of my dreams?! She was exactly as I had described to my girlfriend at the age of thirteen! I had looked everywhere I could for her, and finding her in this little town surprised me plenty! Unfortunately, she is married! I told her all about it, and at first she was totally surprised herself?! She is my doctor, of all things?
Well, she gave me an option for another doctor, and I turned her down? Why, because this was my cross to bear, and I was going to do just that! Guess what? I did it! And so can you! It is all mind over matter! You tell your mind to stop this behavior constantly, and one day, you will be entirely over him!!! If I can do it, as weak as I was? YOU CAN TOO!!!
Now, when I see her, we can even joke about it? You might not want to go there, but it is easy for me? I even quit smoking during this time, yes, using mind over matter! It may, no, it will take you some time, as you are waaaay younger than I, and more strong, too?! YOU CAN DO IT!!! Keep telling yourself that; I can do this, I CAN DO THIS!!! And one day, you won't even care if he begs you to take him in?! Do this strong enough, and you won't even stand the sight of him!!!
I've been there/done that!!! Mind over matter really does work!!!
You need to distance yourself from him. If that means getting a different job, so be it?! Even if he is with someone and they are having problems, it doesn't mean you need to jump in and fill the void! He is a married man and should be off limits to you, and anybody else!
It sounds to me like you are very immature? You need to give yourself time to mature into a beautiful young woman, and find a guy that is single. Distance yourself and see what happens?
Yes, you do know how bad that feels, then? I could never do that to someone! She cheated on me in 1982, it still hurts to this day! No, I could never do that to someone!
You did tell him move on, but he is still there? There has to be a reason? Find that reason, and you can quickly remedy this situation?! You say you live in another country, which country is that? My ex is from S. Korea, and I could totally live there!!!
Yes, there are some things we can keep from our current, and past love interests, but in most cases it is better to be brutally honest?! This is one such case in which you should be totally honest. He deserves to know this, as this is proof you have, or fully intend to leave him!
As far as custody goes, you need to be the one filing for full custody of those children! If you lack employment, perhaps the American Consulate could help you? Maybe your current love interest could help you in some fashion? Would he let you move in with him, or is he also cheating on his wife? There are a lot of them out there, unfortunately!
I just re-read your last line on the answer to my post, and it makes me curious? "Communication is best but sometimes some things are better left unsaid"? Why do you say this? Is this so you can run around town having sex with other men, as it is not serious? Hmmm, now it seems as if you are just using him/your ex? I don't blame you, its just that you said you were trying to move on? How do you plan to move on? You are living in a foreign country, with no job, no money, and kids to worry about, too? Oh, how bout the guy you were having sex with, can he help you? Family? There has to be someone, or somewhere you can get the help you need?
Perhaps you could post it on Facebook, and everyone that wants to, can contribute to the "Help me" fund? That is one sure fire way to get the help you need! Have you seen some of the sites that ask for your money? Yours is a worthwhile project, what with the kids and all? Church organizations have programs for un-wed mothers.
Do you, and your children have current passports? Visa stamps? You could probably get help with that, also? Just sayin? There are some things that make it harder for unwed mothers in foreign countries, but they can be dealt with! Just make sure you cross all t's, and dot all i's, before you leave!
I know you will be alright, and the kids will too! Kids, even young ones around two to three, understand a lot more than they are given credit for! So, don't let this stop you from obtaining your freedom!!!
I wish I could help, but I am just a lonely cripple living poorly. That is not true, but it sounded good, didn't it? LOL!!! Naw, I am a cripple, but I do get s.s.i. to scrape by on! The best I could do is $1, but now imagine 3000 people sending you that $1? Yea, you get the pic.! That is why I think Facebook can help? Oh, what about U-Tube? You could post a video, one that costs a dollar, or even a quarter? That pile of cash can rise to whatever level you set it at? Wow, now that I have advised you on this case, I should get royalties, and an up-front fee of say...$10,000? Awww, come on!!! Okay, how bout ten dollars? Whaa. alright, free, then! That is for the kids!!! LOL!!!
I wish you could give me that big hug! You made me think of him in a way that makes me want to cry, so I did?! I'm gonna miss him something awful, you know? How long will it take, who knows?
This is the price I pay for my little friends! Can I do it again, sure, do I want to right now? NO WAY!!! Its time to take a long break from them. I just can't take this kind of pain right now? I can't go through this misery again and again.
As far as your agreement goes??? YES, you ARE CHEATING on him! YOU told him how it was going to be in YOUR AGREEMENT, did you not? Why yes, yes you did, by re-reading it again it is very clear to me? YOU BROKE YOUR CONTRACT!!! I'm sorry, but you asked if anyone thought you were?
As for the boyfriend, fiance`, whatever, you need to do exactly what Dr. Leslie has said to do!!! Communication is key to a successful relationship!
You do need to confess your cheating to your guy, he deserves to know the real you, the one that he should be lucky to rid himself of? Sorry, but I was cheated on myself by my now ex, and I know how deep this cuts! He should be lucky he never wanted to marry you! Had he done so, this is how you would have acted anyway! If I was him, I would petition the court for full custody of the kids over your cheating on him while living as husband and wife! I would also be glad to pay your way home. I hope he has enough saved up to do this?
I don't want to drag you through the muck, you should however, apologise to him. You did make up the contract, you did break the contract, did you not? Yes, you do need to tell him, and the sooner the better! He does deserve to know!!!
I wonder what happened to my post yesterday? Gremlins, again?
Sorry Smiley, I posted a reply yesterday, but once again it is gone? I honestly believe that when we are young, our parents are our main source of, well, everything?! A father makes an imprint on his son, likewise, a mom does to the daughter? So, even though we may grow to hate our parents, they are the imprint we got, so we match their behavior?! Consciously, or subconsciously, we act very similar to how they acted? Don't you think so? Sort of the Monkey see Monkey do, thing?
You did the right thing, Smiley! Do not punish yourself needlessly, you acted like a real woman would, married woman, anyway!!! Good for you!!!
I am still sorry you got tied up with the likes of this what? I am not even sure what to call your hubby? I still think Cheater and Abuser of Women fits him to a tee?
I know this isn't the place to talk about pets, but Bubba was more than just a pet! Bubba was my friend, companion, listening post, almost like a live friend? He took his last breath at 11:11am. this morning. I would have posted sooner, but I couldn't see to type.
Bubba lost the use of one of his hind legs, and was slightly obese from all the sitting around he did, which in turn gave him a bed sore. I know this had to hurt, everytime I moved him to change his bedding, towels lately, he would kick and try to make me put him down. This morning, he didn't eat, and then he wouldn't drink, either? I knew he was done.
I took him over to my easy chair where we spent many a day and night. He wanted to get under my shirt like they did before, so I put him under my shirt. This made him more uncomfortable so I placed him gently on the couch. He did his best to get comfy but couldn't so I tried to help him by propping up his dead leg? This seemed to work, he quit moving around? Then I took off my shirt and placed it over him, was constantly telling him it was okay, it would be fine. I kept petting him mostly on top of his head and nose. He loved that! But, he suddenly gave a lurch and tried to move. As he lay back down his little mouth was open wide, then he seemed comfy again? He looked at me, and he opened his mouth again, only not as wide? I looked him in the eyes and told him it was okay, I would be fine. He opened his mouth slightly and then he was gone. I've been crying ever since.
I miss him this much already? Yes, yes I really do?! I've had nothing but trouble since I had that surgery! I never got that script filled and was told to double up on mine, so I did. Then I was out, and no one up there wants to take the responsibility for this? Well, I know who did it, but she was the one who called me that afternoon, go figure? Then I have this tooth/gum infection that was like living in hell? And then my left knee, on my good side?, started hurting so bad I was unable to do laundry. And now, to cap all of this fun off, my Bubba has left me here all alone. Now, I have to fight, swim my way up, out of this abyss I have been thrown into!!!
Yes, Dr. Leslie, I said swim up, out of this confounded abyss I find myself in!!! I've done it before, and I will do it again! With, I hope, all of my friends and family here at Web. M.D.? I need you guys again, I hope I am not overtaxing to anyone? I need all of your support, from everyone!!!