I know exactly what you mean! I've dated some of the biggest tools, but for some reason find away of falling for them, and not wanting to let them go. It's pretty normal to "always" love someone, once you already have. It's a matter of knowing they're not good for you, knowing you're better off, and being inspired to start a new life with out that person. One day you'll realize you haven't even thought about them in days,
What you're saying kinda makes it sound like you still want him back, even if its to a small degree.
Stop trying to avoid him, her, or anyone. Live your life how you would as if you never even knew they existed. Focus on family, friends, meeting NEW MEN. Go out, make new memories. Accept the hurt/emotions you have towards them. It's ok to feel it, express it, but the next step is moving forward.
If you catch yourself sitting there thinking about him, listening to a certain song, moping, immediately Chang what you are doing! Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself it happened, its over, time to think about yourself! Call a friend to hang out if it helps. If you allow yourself to let this control you/your life in any way, if you just sit there feeling sorry or angry cause of what happened, you're not going to be able to move on.View Thread
Thank you, FCL. I was definitely anticipating it being MUCH worse than it has turned out to be.. He had finally heard back from two of them, and they said they didn't feel the same way, and were no part of the one friend that had called him. I feel like I got him to see that if this "friend" was a good friend worth keeping around, he would have expressed any concern from the beginning, rather than ignoring him, letting it fester and become an issue.
After a night of processing, he has a "don't care" attitude towards his friends, and is placing focus on his career and family. WHEW! He usually doesn't come around so easy. YayyyView Thread
Needless to say he is really hurt. He doesnt manage stress, drama, rejection, etc very well at all. I really need some advice on how to be there for him the best ways I can. I feel so terrible. Please I really want to help this smooth over.View Thread
Ok. Your situation is an extreme end compared to my situation. Like every relationship there are areas I feel need improvement. I don't have good friends to rely on, or family, so I use this site for insight/advice. As I'm sure everyone on here does. That's why it was created?
Your age doesnt prove a point, nor does it really doesn't mean anything to me.
He has never directly said a single hurtful thing. He has never made direct comments, with intentions of bring me down/hurting me. He has always been honest. Too honest, apparently. He's Abrasive, and has never expressed himself, or spoke his mind, in the best of ways.
He himself has admitted to needing help. He has just yet to figure out how to get that help, and that has been the road block.
To automatically construe my relationship and automatically assume that my current is exactly like your ex is extremely ignorant. You maybe sensitive to certain things/issues in relationships now due to having been with your ex. Doesn't mean you are, or will, always be right.
I appriciate the concern. But if you're not willing to take in every detail, and only see what you want to see, your advice isn't needed.
Ugh, I cannot stand unfaithful partners I'm very sorry that you're dealing with this. When someone is able to cheat on you once, it makes it even easier for it to happen again. Do. Not. Settle. Even if he only cheated on you once I'd reccomend you leave and never look back! But this happened with multiple girls, over periods of time. Who knows what he hasn't told you. Only reason you know what you do is cause YOU caught him. He couldn't be there for you even when you needed him most. Is that someone you want to stay with? Screw (couples) therapy. Get whatever help you need, but get it for YOURSELF. You are going to have love for him. You will miss him, of course. That's ok. That doesn't mean you should be with him. Hell, women that are physically abused love/miss their partner, and struggle to leave. That doesn't mean they should imprison themselves in such a relationship. I can tell you this, you will never be happy with him ever again. You may go periods of time, and have your moments, but these are things that will haunt you. I tried to make a relationship works after he cheated on me only one time, and it caused a break down once a month. It's a continuous hurt. Even if he was sincere and NEVER did it again, it would continue to hurt. Please don't make this mistake again, do not stay with him! There are people that fall in love. Get married. Have a family. They're there for each other, show their love, do anything to make you smile, would die before ever even thinking of hurting their partner in such ways. Please please please. Find someone that ACTUALLY makes you happy. Who ACTUALLY loves you. Who would NEVER imagine hurting you. Doesn't that sound better than what you have with this.. Pathetic excuse for a man *cough* boy?View Thread
IF in fact marriage and/or children are things he does want, sorry to say, you need to end things.. Like you said, it could lead to resenment and an inevitable breakup, prolonged. I completely understand why people don't want those commitments in life. More often than not, it's uncommon for people to stick to never starting to desire a family (not sayig it doesn't happen). You do really just need to sit down and have a long talk with him. If we wanted children before he met you, and altered his wants to be with you (it's sweet) but unfair. Him trying to justify it by using his career as a musician is just that. Him trying to rationalize it. Stress to him the importance of his honesty. Set aside you and the relationship.
As much as I do agree with FCL, I also see were you're coming from. I've been there. Sure it was maybe "low" for me to return to an ex, but it was strictly for my own selfish need to fulfill my sexual desire. Sometimes it's easier (in some cases better) to sleep with someone you are already familiar/comfortable with, rather than having to connect with a stranger. Definitely think it through awhile before taking action. You never know when something may fall in your lap!View Thread
You have no choice. You need to tell your boyfriend. It was more than a physical affair. Put yourself in his shoes. I always said once you think about cheating, the relationship is already over. You need to do your boyfriend the favor and leave him if he doesn't leave you. He deserves better.View Thread