Thanks, Dennis. I do have my mom and dad helping out, but they can only do so much. I watched my older siblings make the mistake of having my mom always baby sit for them (even though they're married) so that they can work. My mom is a little older, and not completely emotionally stable. So it became very hard on her to be baby sitting little ones all the time, and could never say no. Cause of course she wants to, she's just not capable. My dad eventually stepped in and told them my mom is to no longer watch other people's kids (the occasional baby sitting is different). So it leaves me in a bad situation with not having anyone to watch her. I'll be damned if I leave her at a daycare. And my other brothers and sisters are just not in a situation they would have the time to baby sit. I don't have any friends to ask either.
When my three older siblings were young, my parents had a young adult man baby sit for them, that they went to church with. They later caught on that he was sexually abusing them. So leaving her with anyone, no matter how trust worthy they may seem, is not something I think I will ever be able to do. It's just not safe anymore. So I'm not sure how I'd be able to go about working, and get on my feet, if I left him
His ex fiancé was overweight when they met. When she got pregnant (with her 5th kid) she exercised and lost 20lbs while pregnant. I started out really skinny, and will admit am a little chubby (not to the point I'm worried about not being able to drop the weight after the baby though). So in his mind there's no reason why I had to gain more weight than what is needed for the baby. But this is my first pregnancy. Especially lately, it has been very painful just to get up, or even walk short periods of time. I tried exercising (treadmill) for a short time, but it was so painful, I couldn't do it. Whenever I try to tell him that, or before when I was always sick to my stomach, he would just say I'm making excuses. He does seems to be a little more understanding recently, cause I've been in even more pain, unable to do as much, and he has seen it first hand.
I put leaving on hold, for the reasons above. And am hoping things will remain calm until the birth at least. If he does or says one more thing though, I can't stay with him. I don't think I could handle anymore disappointment and hurt.View Thread
He tends to have unrealistic expectations of people in general. So when it comes to the kids, it's like he forgets that they are young, and expects them to do things how he expects the first time. Even though its not often, I do feel like he is too hard on them, and does yell at them. Sometimes, I understand, sometimes he's just stressed and is being intolerant.
Him and his ex separated when his daughter was 1-2 and when her son was 5. I agree it has to do with the parents. There are inconsistencies between both houses, cause there aren't the same rules etc. I feel like for kids that young it's confusing. They don't fully grasp the situation. I just don't want myself or any child of mine dealing with it.View Thread
A huge issue I'm also having with this is I cannot imagine ust sending my baby/child off to stay with (even though its her father) someone else. For me to not be there. What if he yells at her, or does something I wouldn't want him to? I want her to have her father, I think that's really important. I just don't know how to be ok with her having two homes, living some where else.. I see how it has affected his two kids, and I do not want that..View Thread
In my opinion, when you love someone and they are "the one" you accept them, with all their imperfections, but see them perfectly. Some of those imperfections might be more endearing to you. Example, when people have darker pigmented skin on their eyelids. To them it's an insecurity, to me it's more like a natural eye shadow, and I find it attractive.
I've found when I'm in a relationship, the little "not as attractive things" about them, I always end up finding the most attractive. I'm not sure why, I guess cause its apart of them, and is what makes them, them.
I grew up with an extremely depressed mother with an extremely low self esteem. Her and my father, all though in love, haven't been intimate for a very very long time due to my mom being so uncomfortable in her own skin. Her weight has been up and down. Been at her highest weight, I remember talking to my dad. She was wanting to have all these surgeries to "improve" herself. My dad looked at me with watery eyes and said, "I have no idea what she sees in the mirror. She's beautiful just the way she is."
Maybe cause I was raised with that as an example, I feel like that's how it's suppose to be when you find the one.. Even if they're different than when you first met, over weight, loss of interest in their self image, etc. you still genuinely see them as the beautiful person you always loved.
Is this common? Is that not the case with some people, or a lot of people? Did you ever lose interest in someone, or become Unattracted to them, due to change?View Thread
Holy drama! I'm so sorry you had to go through this. My honest advise is to never talk to any one that was involved with that situation. I went through something different, yet similar. Were my significant other cheated on me, but with a random girl. After separation I wanted to give it another shot. I tried for three years after his betrayal to get over it. It pained me constantly. I personally was not able to fully look past it and truly be with him. Your situation is an even deeper cut, he cheated with your best friend. He does not deserve you, ever. As nice as it is to have an old familiar love back, you have to ask yourself if that's what you truly want. Is some one, even is they are wiser now, was able to/did do something like to to you are they even worth the time of day? I'd say no.
Especially since both parties have kids involved AND you have a crazy ex friend that was involved with both of you. For the kids sake alone, it's not worth another chance. The possibility of it not working out Again I'd imagine would be damaging to them.
I'd say start over with someone who doesn't have it in them to ever do that to you in the first place. Why back track?View Thread
I was engaged to a guy (not my current) who I was with for several years. After the first year if our relationship he had slept with a random girl at a house party, and she got pregnant. He hid this from me for while. But one of his friends had contacted me and told me he had been passed out drunk, and essentially was raped.
As much as my heart told me this was a lie, I didn't want to risk it being true, and rejecting him in a potentially fragile time. I had stayed in a different state for four months, to clear my head and work our other issues I was having at the time. I had no contact with him while I was gone, but we agreed to still be together.
I had called my friend one day and she said he had gone to her house. Told her the truth, that the "rape" story was a cover up, and that the chicks mom kicked her out of her house and had to move in with him. When I returned home, I didn't contact him for a few months, but eventually caved. We started talking and hanging out again, and I couldn't resist. I have an issue of forgiving people even when they shouldn't be.
We eventually got back together, "started over". I tried very hard to forget. But once a month I'd go through a state of depression over it. It wasn't healthy for me or him. I couldn't look past what he did, and I broke up with him cause of it. I never regretted the break up, never wanted him back.View Thread
I really to appreciate everyone's support and advice. It has helped me tremendously. Like I've said in a previous post, I really have no one to turn to and talk about this. So this website is pretty much my only shoulder to lean on.View Thread
I've thought the same thing before. When we first started dating I needed somewhere to stay, and it eventually led to me having to move in with him (for a year). During that time we were at eachothers throats all day every day. He is so OCD, every time I unknowingly did something to contradict "the usual" it was a huge fight. We were both bitter and mean towards each other. But it came down to us breaking up, or fixing it. So ever since than we have both made big efforts to progress in our relationship, we learned to communicate a lot better than before (believe it or not).
His last fiancé/baby mama had a huge load of issues herself. After getting to know her and her family, I know first hand a lot of truths. The were both toxic for eachother, but neither wanted to end it cause of their daughter. Neither showed affection in any way, and broke each other down. I've noticed him getting more defensive towards me over certain things due to that. He'll usually come around and see it as well.
So knowing all of that, I've tried very hard to break him of that past relationship, and those habits. I try to be more romantic and affectionate towards him, cause he's not use to having that, or being that way. We've also come pretty far in that department. But as you've noticed he hasn't come far enough.
So now I've reached a point where I need him to show me more effort and progress. Cause dealing with all this, my family drama, his two toddlers, AND being a hormonal pregnant chick, I'm just not strong enough to hold both of us up anymore. I can't keep ignoring his moments of anger and disrespect, and hope for the better. I need to see it. Even more so after yesterday. I'm trying to scrape up the courage to leave him, even if its at least a break. Some separation to clear my head of all these problems, and focus on being happy and healthy, and being strong enough for my baby girl so I can be a good mother to her.
I've never worked so hard for something in my entire life. For whatever reason I've devoted all of me and my time into helping him progress, having a happy relationship with him. He is my best friend, I know he loves me, and I'm sure wants to treat me how I want to be treated. I'm just questioning if he's capable of that. I've helped him break down so many of his walls, but we've reached a point I think it's up to him to break down the rest.View Thread
I understood him wanting to go to the shop as well. I tried to not be too upset about it, but couldn't help to be when I was already upset.
When we talked later he was communicating that he didn't think before he said it, like you mentioned, clumsy. And since I didn't react in the waiting room, he assumed I took it innocently- as in his mind he was implying.
I told him that I don't want to be mad at him for it cause that's how he honestly feels. But at the same time I can't ignore something like that. It's one thing to think it, but to actually hear it/know it is way more hurtful.
He didn't say much. He was pretty quiet, and started to cry a couple times. Last thing I told him, was there's something really important in every relationship. And over time, it has been demolished. He asked what the was, and I said I don't feel emotionally secure and comfortable anymore. It's a matter of if we can work through it.View Thread