My boyfriend bought us a house back in February of this year. I myself, am unable to call this house "home." He strives to call this house "our home" but I just cannot except that for many reasons. Aside from all of those reasons, he is now having his cousin move in next week. Which right off the bat makes me drop any hope of this house being "our hope." I have gone back and forth with wanting her to move in or not many times and for many reasons. Mostly I wasn't amped for it. Now that I know that she is moving in I am quite upset. I feel very hurt that my boyfriend doesn't care to fiugre out a way to make me feel better about this. I have been screaming and fighting for days to keep it just us or find another way to make this better.
I do not want her to move in because he acts exactly how he does with me, with her, minus the physical actions. My family is not very close so this is extremely weird and offsetting to me. I honestly feel like I am getting "cheated out" (not cheated on). Somehow he thinks that when she moves in he will be making a profit off of her $250 rent when really he doesn't know how to save money for his life and when it will come to simple things like everyone going out to eat (which we do often), he is obviously going to pay for her. Even if we went shopping I feel like he would pay for her things as well. I simply will not feel special anymore! He is already living paycheck to paycheck and he thinks it is smart to add another person onto his bills. The only benefit I see from this is that I will have a friend, finally, because I have zero within a 45 minute distance. But that does not mean I want this "friend" living with us. I don't even know her, I met her once and it didn't go all that well. I simply do not want her living here and he just does not care! He is always going to chose family over anybody. I do not appreciate this alliance that is going to come into the place I have been living. I do not appreciate that they have this "bond" and I will be left out when I am suppose to be the most important person. I honestly can see myself moving out from all of this. I feel like a 4 year old whose parents just brought home the newborn and thats their new attention. Or simply an old tossed to the side toy. This is driving me insane!!View Thread
That's the other part that upsets me is none of us have talked about this together. It all just happened. My boyfriend isn't one to sit down and talk it all out and I am more very organized and would rather have everything written out down to the detail. All I know is she is moving in next week and I am not ready for it. I thought the ultimatum of taking the ID away should happen before she moves in to see how willing she even is to fix her problem. I thought that if she wasn't willing to give it up she shouldn't move in because there would be no difference in her actions living here if she's able to do whatever she wants. I also do not have insurance anymore so I myself cannot go to therapy/counseling alone.View Thread
No I appreciate the insight very much. I have many times wanted to go to couples therapy but he doesn't believe in therapy. He also doesn't want to put money towards it. For our many previous arguments and issues I feel that is exactly what we need. I feel it is the only safe place I could talk to him and get insight from an outsider and to have someone help us with tips and tricks and things to try to get work out the problem. He's just really not for it. As well as I know the core problem of our relationship is, being that he cannot get over my past, things that he wasn't even a part of. He is simply not comfortable with me being with the people I was with and that he sees them at parties and on the street and doesn't even allow me to say hello or go to parties alone without a fight. There's so much more behind our relationship that is also effecting my feelings of her moving in. It just seems like to me that the cousin isn't walking around with a fifth in her hand 24/7 incoherent. I think she should have some of her own self control to tell herself she doesn't need to go to the bar little-own keep her fake ID. I do feel like half the problem could be taken away by getting rid of it like her mother should have long ago. Everyone else in the family thinks its ridiculous that she has one, but her mom let's her! I don't get it! Do you feel that it is unfair to tell her to give us the ID for when she is living here? I think that is fair, if your going to come into this house because of your problem were gonna do what we can to stop your problem and the first step would be throwing it out.View Thread
We have been together for two years. His cousin is 19 and she has a fake id for a few years, she feels she has "hit rock bottom" and she now realizes she has drinking problem. My answer to that is throw the damn fake id away! It wouldn't completely fix the problem but it would certainly cut the problem in half which is probably as much as she will cut back from living with us. I have been upset for three days now, arguing nonstop. Also our relationship has many other bumps along the way so yes there is more behind my resentfulness and that's why I am pushed so far as simply moving out if it truly unlivable for me. even though that is not what I want but it may just have to be what I do. It is understandable that that is what family is for but it is very hard for me to accept this huge change and how I feel I have to change my daily routine. I also have very low self confidence and she is a very pretty skinny girl and it is already hard enough for me to get dressed in the morning. I just feel my depression and feelings are going to get worse then they already are once she is here.