I was raised to grow up, get married, and have kids I got married when I was 16 to a boy I met when I was 12 he was 20 and in the Navy. He was getting ready to ship out to Viet Nam. My parent loved him like a son. He didn't smoke, drink, or cuss in front of me. So they figured by the time he returned from his tour, I'd be out of high school and ready for married life. What they didn't count on was PTSD.... He came back a very angry man, smoking drinking and cussing like the Sailor he was. Five years later, I had my first child and a year later, my second. Our marriage lasted 14 years before I'd had enough beatings and figured there had to be more to life than that.
I married again to a kind gentle man who was 12 years older than I was. We were together 5 years and married only 1. Never had a fight the whole time however, he couldn't understand the fact that I wasn't a jealous wife and started checking the mileage on my car and things like that so we agreed that maybe marriage wasn't meant for the two of us.
I met a man I consider my soul mate. We hit it off really quick and had so very much in common! However, it didn't take long to figure out we made much better friends than lovers as he was a drinker, and I wasn't. He was the life of the party and I wasn't. He wasn't even close to settling down and I wasn't ready to sleep with everyone he was sleeping with so we agreed Best Friends Forever! We could talk about anything and everything and I always knew when he was dating someone because he wouldn't come around much. Then one day he came over and was so happy cause he thought he'd met 'the one'. I was so happy for him and never really saw him so happy! He still came to see me often and she knew about me and everything was as it should be and then it happened.... he came over a broken man. He sat on the floor and put his head in my lap and cried like a baby telling me he had caught her in bed with his best friend!!! Not only that but he lost his job and consequently his place to live all within that week... He stayed at my place for about a week with me trying to pull him back up like I always did when he was heart broke, but this time was different, I just couldn't pull him back up,,, no matter what I tried he just stayed down in that gutter, digging his hole deeper and deeper until one day he said he was gonna go get his things and bring them down to store with me which he did and I thought maybe he was making a little progress by doing so... He planned on going back the next day and we stayed up all night talking and my heart hurt knowing how much his heart was broken. He said goodbye and I knew something was up by the way he said it and he hugged me so tight I thought I would have trouble catching my breath. That was the last time I saw him. He went to her house and planned a murder-suicide but she locked her door and so he shot himself on her front porch.... It's now 12 years later, and I still feel like it was yesterday. I miss him so much!!! I met someone about 3 years ago online he brought me out of my shell but I can't seem to trust again. I met a friend here also but we lost contact (my fault), and I can't seem to reconnect with him either. I saw him online the other day and said hi but he didn't respond. I miss him too. Thanks for reading, wish I felt better but I don't know how.View Thread
Thanks Dr. Becker-Phelps, Your blog nailed me in the very first paragraph. I'm pretty much tore up from the floor up both mentally and physically. This site is having problems letting me post so I will try again another timeView Thread
I think the question is a very good one but remember you also need to answer your own question giving as much detail in the answer as you can. If you feel it is too vague or maybe you won't get the detailed answer you're looking for then ask another question or two to let your S/O where you're going with your question(s).View Thread
Hang in there D! You can always call me if you're feeling the slightest bit down! Send me a text or something? I will be here night or day.... I have been in your position before and have seen others through their best and worst times. Just remember, you won't always feel this bad. Times will get better! Put yourself in your happy place and stay there until you feel stronger. Visualize your walk through those Redwoods! And most of all, remember you are loved dearly by many!
Sounds to me after all you said and all you've done, that he has either lost his libido or maybe really IS having an affair? I would insist he see a Dr. and if he refused I would consider cutting your losses. There are clinics he could go to that are low cost. You know, I wouldn't be too angry with him. We all get our heart broken at one time or another but that doesn't mean you have to feel it's all your fault. People change just as time changes, move on with your head up high and know that you shouldn't have to work this hard to be happy. There is someone out there that will treat you like you are the light of his life and/or the queen of his castle. He obviously isn't 'the one'. Don't be hurt, he's not the only guy out there and moving on is a pain but you will feel better for it. Find someone who will need you because he loves you not love you because he needs you. Good luck and let us know how you are doing?View Thread
Dr. Becker-Phelps, I do use the Serenity Prayer often. It's funny I just wrote it in an email today.
I accept the fact that I cannot change a person no matter how much I'd like to change 'some' aspects of their personality. I accept that only they can do that and only if they want to badly enough. I accept the fact that only I can make a change to myself and only I can control myself. After all if we were all alike, what a boring meaningless life we would have, right?
I know I can 'influence' a closed mind to become more open to the goodness around them, therefore changing the way they think about themselves and others around them. And the end result is maybe a better person?
I am wise enough to know some people look for a change and therefore are open enough to consider that one joined with another of a like mind will make a difference. Some are leaders others are followers. Some are weak and some are strong. If the strong pick up the weak and the follower seeks out the leader of what they believe, then you have the beginning of a change. I am wise enough to know that if you think you are alone, you will stay alone and nothing changes. I am wise enough to know if you ask, you shall receive. Maybe not immediately but at some point it will happen. I am wise enough to know I cannot make it alone, I need my Friends at the very least. The good and the bad.
I too am thankful for this site. I am thankful I met you too Dennis. What would we do without others to help and encourage us through the most difficult times in our lives?!? You my dear were born to be a Best Friend, and I'm so very thankful you are mine! Who would have known I would meet the male version of me on this site? Such great things to be thankful for and I will never take one day for granted. Especially each day you are in my life.
I am thankful for my Family and that includes those dear Friends that have become part of my Family. I'm thankful even for my illnesses as if it weren't for them I wouldn't have been roaming around on this site and met all of you. I'm thankful I haven't been given any more than I can handle. I'm thankful for music as it soothes my soul. I am thankful for each day I awaken to.
Drop them both. Put your energy into your children and yourself. Your relationship with your bf was rocky to begin with so that alone should tell you something. For them to blame each other is pathetic! They both knew what they were doing right off the get-go! Your gf of 9 years isn't worth a second thought either. Do yourself a favor and move on. There is someone out there that wants to be with you and you alone. You shouldn't have these kind of issues in your relationships with anyone. Believe me you are wasting your energy where they are concerned. Think about your kids, that is not the kind of thing you want to teach them is it? Would you want your daughter to be treated like that or to treat someone like that? And same with your son do you want him thinking these things are OK? If you stay that is just what you're telling them.View Thread