I have tried therapy three times. The first time was when I was married to the Father of my two Boys. When we married I was 16 he was 20 and in the Navy. He didn't smoke, drink, or cuss in front of me. We met when I was about 12 and my Parents adored him. Then he did two tours in Viet Nam and came home a very angry man. Smoking, drinking, and cussing like the Sailor he was! They have a name for it now but they didn't then. PTSD. He started slow but after the Kids came along he started beating me. We didn't have our first Son until we were married for 5 years. When my oldest Son was about 5, his Dad lost it.. To this day I don't know what set him off but he started choking me, I blacked out twice and his Aunt knew what was happening so called the Police to get me out. When my Son saw me he pointed to the bruises on my neck and asked if Daddy did that? That's when I knew something had to change. I was put in a shelter for a week and they helped me get housing. I told my Husband I would not go back until he got counseling. He agreed and after a few sessions, the counselor asked if I would come. I did and one of the first questions he asked me was how I felt about my Husband. I told him I loved him very much but I didn't like him. The therapist replied, " Nonsense! You can't possibly have one without the other!" Well I did!!! So I knew he wasn't the one for me! However, he did an awesome job for Mike and he was an awesome person for about two years until I saw signs of him going back to his old self and before things got bad, I left him. We were married 15 years. I never stopped loving him. He stayed single for about10 years and then met the woman he was destined to be with and lost all of the anger he had built up inside. She died after a few years and he lost his desire to live himself. 5 years later I went back to him to help him die in his home. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, but I would do it again if I had to. The second time, I was sitting in my Dr.'s office and broke down crying because I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired. She asked me if I'd go see a Dr. about a half hour from where we were and I agreed. I went in, checked in, and they took me up to the second floor. I thought it strange that the door locked behind me and they sat me down and asked me a bunch of questions. Throughout this conversation, these different people kept coming in and listening. After about 30 minutes or so, they led me into another room, and again, the door locked behind me. I was in the County Mental Ward!!! They took a blood test, took my clothes, and assigned me a bed. All I wanted to do was sleep. They made me interact with the others in there and put me on this schedule that didn't allow me to sleep much at all. The next day the Dr. said my problem was solely due to the fact I had THC in my system. I fought them for days until one day I finally said to myself, If you don't cooperate you won't get out of here so I smiled and put on a happy face and 14 days in, they let me out. I felt no different than the day I went in except more angry and felt I really was crazy. I saw another Dr. after that because I refused to see that one, and this new one saw me for about two weeks and said, I think you have Narcolepsy and sent me to a Neurologist and a sleep study was done and sure enough,,,, I had Narcolepsy! I loved that Therapist!!! But sadly he no longer took my insurance so I had to quit seeing him. He helped me so much but the best part was he gave me the tools I needed to pull myself up and realize the signs of depression. I now know if it's the myriad of medical issues or mental issues. I have an awesome medical team because of him and his genuine care about my medical/mental health. I have tried counseling since then but haven't found the right fit yet. My PCP is filling in quite well though. And Dr. Becker-Phelps,,, you are a God-Send!!!! I'm one of those who doesn't chime in often but visit here a lot. TYView Thread
Hey D, Thanks for being patient The Neurosurgeon has surgery the day I was scheduled to see him so they put me off for a day. I guess after waiting 6 months what's one more day right? I'm not sure if I even want the surgery,,, maybe you can enlighten me? I've done some reading on it and they say in time the ones that has the surgery are back in the same condition than the ones who decline surgery,,,, is that true? I know it's in such bad shape now that I can hardly stand it and if I go through the ordeal of having the surgery and then end up back where I started a few years later what's the point? And then there's the chance it doesn't take? I'm having such a time trying to stay awake because my oxygen is low but I have a problem toting the dang backpack around because it hurts my neck. Seems I can't win for losing these days, ugh!! So far I am not liking being 60!!! I have gained 22 lbs. this year so far for no good reason other than my neck is slowing me down! And yes those lightening bolts are prominent when I am prone for sure! My arms are having issues if I'm sitting watching tv too. That can be quite painful.
Oh I want to get a big TV soon too! My eye sight is getting worse and I can't read what's on mine grrr!!! Not sure what size it is maybe 38"? My son has a 60" and I LOVE it!! This one lets me key up Netflix and such which I won't complain about but any reading of the guide is out lol. Reading has always put me to sleep so I tend to stay away from it which is a big reason I'm not here as often as I would like and that along with the fact that the other sites talk so much about their support systems which makes it hard to relate you know? I go every now and again to catch up like I do here but I usually stay in the background.
Please share the pros and cons of having the surgery? At least as far as it relates to you? I am allergic to most metals so if they have to leave any in, I guess that's out too? Wish me luck, next week is the start of my preparation for the Varices Banding,,, Not a big fan of that either but most of the time she does such a good job I hardly have pain afterward. AND I don't have to have a Colonoscopy this time so no prep!!!! That's ALWAYS a good thing
Yes D, I remember telling you everything lol. I know it was my fault for not keeping in touch. I have a bad habit of doing that when things get rough for me.
I went to see my Podiatrist yesterday because I have Neuropathy in my feet from the Diabetes only to find even more bad news. He said the lightening bolts stabbing my feet aren't from Diabetes but from my neck. I saw my Primary Dr. today and he explained in detail that things are not looking good for me on that front. Guess I'm gonna have to put on my big girl panties and buck up ey? He's arranging for me to have a traction thingy here at home to hopefully have some of the pressure taken off at least until I see the Neurosurgeon next month. Ugh!! My neck went bad so quick! As for the other problems, the only one that I can make a difference with is the Diabetes and I'm here to tell ya, that's an uphill battle all the way! Good thing I learned how to stay positive back in my college days, mostly because of the Lupus. Now days I tend to break out in hives when things are getting tough right now I have one big ole huge one on my left knee,,, only one, crazy huh?
I have a limited time on the computer these days because of the neck thing, so I will try to write you soon. You have my email addy still right? Oh and I have a new puter since we last talked!! It's a lot faster but my internet connection bites!!!
Yes I am guilty of almost all of those things these days. Summer is almost over and that is the hardest season for me as everyone loves the beach and the Sun. I don't participate any longer as I have Discoid Lupus and the Sun doesn't like me much. I am losing my hair rapidly this year so it's not something I'm comfortable with yet. I have Narcolepsy which makes it hard for me to get out and drive which I'm having a hard time with also. I have type 2 Diabetes and a few months ago my sugar dropped to 20 so suddenly that no one was sure what was wrong with me. The Paramedics were able to bring me out of it long enough for me to tell them I was Diabetic so I really dodged a bullet there. That was my first time experiencing LOW sugar in the 10 years since I've been diagnosed. I wear a Life Alert pendant (now on my wrist) because it was tucked in my shirt and nobody saw it. I have Cirrhosis of the Liver which is complicated by Esophageal Varices and have to go through banding every 6 months or so, and Hepatic Ensephalopathy (not sure of the spelling). Which among other things, affects my memory and personality. The reason I had the problem with my sugar going so low is because my neck started hurting really bad to a point I couldn't sit upright and walking was excruciating so they gave me pain pills (on top of the other 18 meds that I take), I couldn't get up to eat or anything for a week. That day I went to see the physical therapist and was told they couldn't help me as my MRI showed two bulging discs at C4 and C6 I think it was. One is putting pressure on my spine and the other on nerves. I can't get in to see the Neurologist until the end of Oct. This started the end of April. You truly find out who your friends are when these things happen. And the man I was about to marry left me also. I guess I can't blame them now can I? I consider myself a strong woman most of the time but as I get older, I lose some of that strength day by day, and yes D, the spoons are fewer and fewer no matter how much I guard them. Thank you for your link, it was a very good read!View Thread
Thanks Dr. Becker-Phelps, Your blog nailed me in the very first paragraph. I'm pretty much tore up from the floor up both mentally and physically. This site is having problems letting me post so I will try again another timeView Thread
I was raised to grow up, get married, and have kids I got married when I was 16 to a boy I met when I was 12 he was 20 and in the Navy. He was getting ready to ship out to Viet Nam. My parent loved him like a son. He didn't smoke, drink, or cuss in front of me. So they figured by the time he returned from his tour, I'd be out of high school and ready for married life. What they didn't count on was PTSD.... He came back a very angry man, smoking drinking and cussing like the Sailor he was. Five years later, I had my first child and a year later, my second. Our marriage lasted 14 years before I'd had enough beatings and figured there had to be more to life than that.
I married again to a kind gentle man who was 12 years older than I was. We were together 5 years and married only 1. Never had a fight the whole time however, he couldn't understand the fact that I wasn't a jealous wife and started checking the mileage on my car and things like that so we agreed that maybe marriage wasn't meant for the two of us.
I met a man I consider my soul mate. We hit it off really quick and had so very much in common! However, it didn't take long to figure out we made much better friends than lovers as he was a drinker, and I wasn't. He was the life of the party and I wasn't. He wasn't even close to settling down and I wasn't ready to sleep with everyone he was sleeping with so we agreed Best Friends Forever! We could talk about anything and everything and I always knew when he was dating someone because he wouldn't come around much. Then one day he came over and was so happy cause he thought he'd met 'the one'. I was so happy for him and never really saw him so happy! He still came to see me often and she knew about me and everything was as it should be and then it happened.... he came over a broken man. He sat on the floor and put his head in my lap and cried like a baby telling me he had caught her in bed with his best friend!!! Not only that but he lost his job and consequently his place to live all within that week... He stayed at my place for about a week with me trying to pull him back up like I always did when he was heart broke, but this time was different, I just couldn't pull him back up,,, no matter what I tried he just stayed down in that gutter, digging his hole deeper and deeper until one day he said he was gonna go get his things and bring them down to store with me which he did and I thought maybe he was making a little progress by doing so... He planned on going back the next day and we stayed up all night talking and my heart hurt knowing how much his heart was broken. He said goodbye and I knew something was up by the way he said it and he hugged me so tight I thought I would have trouble catching my breath. That was the last time I saw him. He went to her house and planned a murder-suicide but she locked her door and so he shot himself on her front porch.... It's now 12 years later, and I still feel like it was yesterday. I miss him so much!!! I met someone about 3 years ago online he brought me out of my shell but I can't seem to trust again. I met a friend here also but we lost contact (my fault), and I can't seem to reconnect with him either. I saw him online the other day and said hi but he didn't respond. I miss him too. Thanks for reading, wish I felt better but I don't know how.View Thread
I think the question is a very good one but remember you also need to answer your own question giving as much detail in the answer as you can. If you feel it is too vague or maybe you won't get the detailed answer you're looking for then ask another question or two to let your S/O where you're going with your question(s).View Thread