I'm happy to hear you're calling and staying on the VA for your appt. I will be your strength when you feel weak in all that I can be. Just promise me you will face your demons head on with the guidance of your therapist. Then, before long they won't be haunting you as they are now. You are stronger than you think you are. God won't give you any more than you can handle. That's what friends are for, to see you through your struggles. And I'm proud to be a friend
Yes, I know what you mean about the kids growing up. They do that way too soon don't they? I was fortunate enough that my house was the one all the neighborhood kids gathered at to play their games and just hang out. The only problem with that was,,,when they were ready to leave the nest,,,,boy did I suffer the "Empty Nest Syndrome!" I still like to play pac man tho lol. Now I get to teach my Grand Kids hehehe. My kids wonder if I'll ever grow up, I say NO WAY JOSE!!! My Grand Kids love to watch Wipe-Out with me. Whenever someone wipes out my 3 year old Grand Daughter jumps up and screams at the top of her lungs with her hands on her cheeks, "OH MAN HE HIT THE WATER!!! THAT HAD TO HURT!!!!" I hated to see my kids grow up but now they've given me my Grand Kids, and next will come my Great Grand Kids,,,the cycle will never end so I'm good with that. You may think your Kids don't need you but they always will for one reason or another. If nothing more, just to know you're there when they do. I have 5 Grand Kids,,,,One boy 14, one girl 3 each of my sons gave me one. Then my youngest gave me 3 step, one girl 12, who moved to Wash. with her Mother and sadly haven't seen her since. (another thing in common huh?) And two boys 11 and 6. I love them all equally and treat them all equally. I seldom even remember they are step.
Hope you accomplished everything you needed to today. It was good to hear from you as always. Did you smile today? Did you have a smile-worthy thought? It's never too late if you didn't!
Yes,,,I am very proud of my little family. If nothing else I did do that right lol, my boys are something to behold. I think even more than being a mom, I LOVE being a G-Ma!! My rule is,,,,what goes on at G-Ma's stays at G-Ma's LOL, Grand Kids are spoiled here!! I've never felt anything more satisfying. It's good to know you are a proud Daddy too.
I'll be honored to walk through your journey with you. You can rest assured that crazy doesn't run through my family, it takes its slow sweet time and sometimes even camps out for unlimited amounts of time!! So let's do it!
Remember, Joe isn't far, he's smiling down on you supporting you in all you do. Stay strong my friend, it gets better from here.
I'm with Dr. Phelps Dennis! That's the most important step in everything you do! What an awesome experience it is when you go to a therapist and they help you find yourself again. You know, the Dennis you haven't seen for a while, or maybe the Dennis you haven't even met yet! Hey! I have an idea,,,once you start your therapy,,,let's both get to know you as you progress! I like that idea!
The support you have gotten here is gr8 I'm so thankful for this site. And the support of a group is helpful also. The nice part about all of these is that when you have a busy life like you do,,,it's OK to pop in and out as you are able and the people don't judge you because of it. There are support groups for just about everything, and you'll soon find that you are not alone. As always, I will be here too
Have you smiled at anyone today? If you haven't, then make an effort! See how many you can get back. Go get a flower and give it to someone who looks like they need it. Go buy a bottle of water and a banana or something similar and give it to someone who looks hungry. Stick a little note in it that will brighten their thoughts. Tell someone who looks down how beautiful they look today. Compliment a young person who has good manners and let them know you noticed. I was in the playground area at McDonald's the other day and a man came in with three boys. The man looked to be in his mid 30s and the boys were about 13 10 and 8 or so. As they were getting seated the 10 year old bumped into a younger child and he immediately grabbed her and apologized with sincerity and asked her if she was all right. Then a mother and child came in, the child carrying the food tray dropped it and a few things fell off. The Mother had a baby in her hands and was trying to help but couldn't so the 13 year old rushed over and helped pick up the tray and set it on an empty table and politely asked if that table would be OK for them. The 8 year old boy went over and played with my Grand Kids and I noticed he always let Ember and Rylan go first on the slide or up the steps. When we finished and were ready to go, I went over to the man and told him how impressed I was that all three of these young boys were so well mannered and I hadn't seen that in a while. That each one of them went out of their way to bring a smile to each person they encountered. It turned out he was their Uncle and he was giving their parents a day to do whatever it is they wanted to do together. How awesome is that? It does my heart good when I see things like that. Not only did they put a smile on their faces, they had put one on mine and because I'm telling you this now it obviously gave me a bushel of smiles They are free!!
Who'd a thunk I ran out of available characters in that post. Guess I'm getting pretty comfy talking to you so that's good! I don't do that often! You must be a special person
I want to tell you again how thankful I am you started this thread. I feel we have made an awesome connection and look forward to hearing from you each time you post. I just know we will become 'Best Friends" in no time. How awesome are you!!
I hope you're getting your beauty rest although I have no idea how you can be any more of a beautiful person than you are now.
Hi Dennis! I'm so happy to hear your bear of a week is over! Good for you for saying no and taking a break to take care of you. Maybe some day your boss will call and tell you that you have to be in Northern California Now THAT would be awesome! (That's my favorite word by the way).
I am also ecstatic to tell you I had a gr8 day today! I am finally pulling out of my Lupus Flare and on the mend....Look out! I'm baaack!! Now if my hair would hurry up and grow back I'd be a happy camper!! The worst part is over tho'. It was good to have your support as this was the worst flare I've experienced to date. Thank you for being there for me when nobody else was. It means a lot to me.
My Grand Daughter was with me today and I had a Dr.'s appt. which I took her to. She asked so many questions, (she's 3). And as we were walking behind the Dr. to get some info. from the printer, she started singing the song from her newest favorite cartoon, Dr. McStuffin's. "I feel better, so much better, thank you doc for takin' all my ouches away!" I've been singing it ever since hahaha!! What a joy she is!
We have many many things in common Dennis. TV, movies, music (I don't consider rap to be music, nor heavy metal lol). My favorite color is purple, I'm not very materialistic, and when asked what I want for Christmas or my Birthday or any gift, the answer is always the same,,,pictures. I love pictures! Love the Redwoods, the beach, camping, especially near the river. Nature! Spending time with my family and friends. I love to lol, sing, tho' not so good at it anymore so it's a good thing I live alone hehe. I haven't done it in a while, but I like crafting, sewing, woodworking (I used to make photo albums from Old Growth Redwood) and for my special friends and family I'd burn a picture on the cover. My sister loves hummingbirds so I burned a picture of a hummingbird feeding from a flower. I lost my wood supplier and don't know how to cut the wood. I miss doing that a lot! I love to be surrounded by caring, loving people, candle-light dinners along with good conversations. Diverse, open minded people, if we were all the same, life would be boring!! We think alike when it comes to things like "Ancient Aliens" lol. So many more I can't begin to list them all!
Dislikes= Rude people, confrontations, drama. Drunks, drugs etc. I'm a bit of a picky eater I suppose. Tend to go for the simple foods....Bugs lol, especially spiders! What can I say I'm a girl lol. Like to fish but not bait the hook hehe ewww! It took me years to be able to eat meat after seeing it raw, looong story lol. I'm sure there's more but I try not to dwell on the negative.
And yes you should inquire about Hospice and their various programs that might be available. At the very least they have reading material I'm sure you would enjoy.
Taking care of my ex-husband was probably the hardest yet the most rewarding thing I've ever done. We were divorced by that time and to tell you the truth I was glad I could do that for him. I wouldn't have wanted my boys to see their Father in his true form. Toward the end he wore two pairs of sweat-pants and shirts so no one could see how thin he had gotten. As I told you earlier, my views on the dying process are different than most. He is in a better place free of pain and suffering, a Butterfly who is bringing peace to many.
I would be glad to teach you how to cut and paste Dennis! You're never too old as long as you can work your mouse lol. For instance lesson one,,,,,go up to the address bar and put your arrow over the address,,,,click on the right side of your mouse and it will highlight the address and give you a list of things you can do like,,,cut,,,copy,,,paste,,,, take your arrow and click on "copy",,,, open a reply box here like you were going to reply to my post,,,, inside the box,,,right click on your mouse again and that same list will open,,,,choose paste,,,,hit the submit button and voila you've sent me a copy of this discussion lol. Practice!!View Thread
Hi Dennis, I forgot to suggest a great place to get help with your grieving process. Have you tried Hospice?
My first husband and Father of my two boys died of cancer in 2000. I took care of him and helped him so that he could pass in his own home. Hospice came and educated me on the dying process and was an awesome source of support for both of us. After he passed, they offered help and support in my grieving process and I really don't know how I would have made it through without their help!
Joining a support group for grieving may be something you would find helpful? Like I said before, I'm here if you ever need an ear or a shoulder.
Haha! You sound like me! I'm so emotional like that! I notice I lose control more when I haven't cried in a while but mostly when I'm down like you are now. I'm in a Lupus Flare as I said and having a really hard time getting back up this time. I don't have the support of my loved ones yet as none of them really know what I'm going through from day to day. I don't talk to them about it so it's my own fault.
I ran across another one of Christine's writings today that really hit home for me. I swear she is writing all the things I feel and going through but cannot find the words to express! If I didn't know better, I'd think she was reading my mind! Here is the link
You may find it fits you as well. Yes my health issues were hard to accept at first but now it's part of my life and I refuse to give up. Hey don't feel sad for me! I still have good times. My days aren't all bad, in fact I have more good days than bad ones for the most part. Pain is something that I live with, I've had it so long that I don't know what I'd do without it lol. It helps to talk about it especially when the person you're talking to is listening, even if they can't fully understand it. I'd rather live with the pain I have than go through the pain you're feeling any day.
What makes you laugh Dennis? I noticed I got an LOL out of you in your last post! That's a start! I love to laugh. I love witticisms. And I don't know what it is but there's a show on tru tv every Thursday called Inappropriate Jokers that makes me laugh till I cry. I hope they never take that show off the air. Do you like music? If so what kind do you listen to?
It's late and I must also get my beauty sleep, we may already be beautiful my friend but we can always strive for more right?
Hi Dennis, Before I forget to add this link, here is the explanation for the Spoon Theory. Christine Miserandino wrote it and there is no better explanation I have found. Christine is an advocate for Lupus, and has made many appearances all over educating people.I joined her support group 'But You Don't Look Sick' on Facebook. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
I wish I could take away your pain Dennis, but sadly we all must go through our own grieving process. It's never the same for anyone. I've lost too many loved ones and know it never gets easier to lose them but it does get easier to manage. I lost my Father when I was 18 and now 40 years later, I still miss him terribly. He was my hero and I was 'Daddy's Little Girl'. Every time I am overwhelmed I go to the beach which is where we spent many weekends surf-fishing, and sing "Daddy's Hands" by Holy Dunn to him. It seems to help.
Let yourself cry Dennis, one day you will wake up and find your tears nearly gone, your smile will come back I promise you that. You will begin to smile thinking about all the good things and your pain will ease up but it takes time. Accept it and quit fighting it you must let it run it's course. I will be here whenever you need someone to talk to. I have a good ear and a good shoulder. I love to listen to music and find certain songs fill my needs. For you I choose, 'You've Got A Friend" by James Taylor. Go to You Tube and listen to it carefully.
If you haven't rescheduled your appointment with your Therapist you should, it will help a lot. In the meantime, next time you are out among people, make a point to smile at someone who looks like they need one, they are free and pay you back ten-fold most of the time. You've made me smile just seeing you respond to my posts. I really do enjoy talking to you too Dennis, I think we have a very good connection going and would love to keep building on it. I could handle finding a Best Friend about now also. Did I ever thank you for starting this thread? I'm sorry if I didn't because otherwise I wouldn't have met you and I can't tell you how much it means to me to have a connection to someone who cares and you don't even know me so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!!
I too am typing through tears, so I will go now. Take good care of yourself too Dennis, I look forward to hearing from you.
I am so sorry to hear you're still having such a bad time dealing with your loss. You don't have to text him you know, he is still right there beside you and you can talk to him any time you feel the need. He will send you a sign in some way to let you know he hears you.
Being you like to read I will tell you my thoughts on our life cycle. I love butterflies. I have butterflies in every room of my apartment, pictures, figurines, or whatever catches my eye. I truly believe our life-cycle is much like that of the butterfly. It starts out as this little caterpillar held to this Earth leading a somewhat mediocre life, then one day it encases itself in a cocoon. While in that cocoon, it transforms into this beautiful butterfly! Once fully developed, it's able to fly no longer bound to the Earth's surface. It flies from place to place all the while giving all who see it a smile or a calming thought while admiring it's beauty. We start out in our human form, bound to the Earth, much like the caterpillar. Then, one day, when our time here is done, we die, and like the caterpillar we transform into something far more extraordinarily beautiful and complex than anything we can imagine. And that's when our 'life' really begins. It's not here, but there.
Joe is no longer bound to his pain here on this Earth. His life-cycle was complete, he finished what he was sent here to accomplish. You were fortunate enough to have him in your life and I'm sure you will never regret one day of knowing him right? You will join him again one day, but for now your time here is not finished. Your family needs you as does all the people around you. For instance that person you smiled at today, maybe you gave that person a reason to take their next breath. Or someone who read your post on this site was given a little glimpse of hope that their problem isn't so bad that they can't cope. Or the new friend you made a few days ago feels a little richer for getting to know you and having you to talk to. Don't be sad he's gone, be glad for knowing him. I for one am glad you knew him because otherwise we may not have met and how sad would that be? Keep your chin up Dennis, it will get easier I promise you, think of the joy he brought you not the pain you feel now. Keep his memory alive by telling others what a fine human being he was. As long as he is in your heart, he is still with you.
As for me and my health, I can't change it I just have to work a little harder than most to keep my spirits up. There is no cure for any of my illnesses, only ways to slow it's progression or keep it at bay. I will tell you more another time. It's late and I have a long day tomorrow and I'm using up all my spoons lol.