If someone's going to do something for me, I want it to be because they want to, not because I've finally yelled at them after months and months. I do almost everything myself, both because I like doing things my own way, and because I don't want someone to help only to hold it against me later on. In the last year though, I decided to accept people's help, as well as ask a small favor or two, so I could start getting away from that trust issue.
As months have gone by though, almost none of them have followed through, even with friendly reminders every couple weeks or so from me. Some of this stuff has been very important to me, and them smiling/nodding and assuring me they'll get to it, and then never doing so, has been upsetting for me. I want to feel that I can trust people around me, and that they care, and I'd assume they would if they volunteer to do things for me, but then I've been left hanging.
This is me venting again, and if you're going to suggest maybe I'm just not doing enough for them, I assure you I've been nothing but friendly, thoughtful, and giving. They probably only respect abuse, like this relative I have who really gets results that way by getting in people's faces, but I don't want to do that, I'd rather be genuinely mutual with people. If you're going to suggest that maybe I'm just too arrogant, and they can sniff it on me, so after they volunteer or agree to do something, they simply don't do it because I've brought this on myself somehow, then you better duck out of this thread, as with how being friendly seems to have gotten me little more than ignored for the longest time now, I've had it, and I'm not going to give you much of a reason to think I've ever been genuinely friendly to anyone in life.View Thread
I've actually been known to use my own "'get in your face' routine," particularly in situations where I've either been undermined or had my life threatened, and it's been effective. It's been effective too if something's really important to me, and I simply need the person who said they'd do it, to finally get it done, but I'd just really rather it not come to that, rather that someone will volunteer/agree to do something, do it, and then I'll feel more willing to let others help me. Who wants to have someone around that you only do things for because they scare you into doing them?
More importantly though, I'm glad to hear you haven't doubted me in that area, thanks.View Thread
PS: That line of thinking reminds me of a particular self-help craze popular a few years ago, some kind of rip-off of The Power of Positive Thinking, where you could just get a new sports car if you thought enough positive thoughts, but if your 5-year-old came down with leukemia, it was your fault because you didn't think enough positive thoughts, so where my best friends' father died of leukemia when I was a kid, they and their mother must really have screwed up in the way they were thinking about him. Maybe I even killed him because I'd wondered if he might not make it. Somebody in a live support group tried to use that line of thinking with me, though not about that, and it was just as unwelcome.View Thread
I've never been married, but I went through almost ten turbulent years myself with medical problems, including attempting suicide, where I felt I wasted years of my life. I don't really feel that way anymore though, after working hard through it, and while things aren't perfect now, those years are behind me, and so are the people who had me feeling in pain. I'm living the life I want more and more every day, and if I've been able to do it, and there's no way it'll happen overnight for you, I see no reason why you couldn't do it either in time, with or without your husband.View Thread
Alright, I think I can sum it all up in brutal honesty:
I agreed to meet her so I could socialize, which I don't get much of these days. I wasn't interested in her for either a girlfriend or a booty call. I didn't find her attractive. I was pissed off that she'd waste my time by making a date with me she didn't intend to keep! I hope it comes back to bite her because I hold grudges against people who not only waste my time but confuse me in the process!
If I wanted a booty call I'd catch the no-frills red-eye to either the homeland, or one of two other places, with a cashed paycheck and bookmarked list of call girl agencies, and that's exactly what I'm going to do once again. I saw a pair of really sexy bikini bottoms today, and since the agencies give you their measurements, I can buy some in the right sizes, for some added spice I didn't have in the last several liaisons.
I especially remember my teenage years, and the kinds of romantic as well as rough play I fantasized about sharing with whomever agreed to be my girlfriend, and believing what people told me about how much I had to offer. If someone told me back then that over a decade later I'd actually be having sex with call girls and porn stars instead, I don't know what the hell I'd think, whether I'd be excited, confused, disappointed, dreadful, or very numb like I often feel these days.View Thread
Well, she didn't need to sense it, I'd already let her know I wasn't interested that way, but would still like to see her. That was a long time before we actually set the date to meet, and we'd been talking here and then over that time.
Maybe you're right, in that she felt too stressed to show up when the time came, and was too embarrassed to admit it, but we'll never know if that might be the case of if she'd just forgotten like she said she would, maybe out of not having been interested anyway. I still don't know what to believe.
Also, you said women don't necessarily ask if you have a boyfriend because they're interested in you, but for the reason you described. I don't actually understand what you meant, but whenever a girl is "nice" to me, or asks a question like that, I repeat to myself in my head, "She doesn't like you, she's just being nice to you... She doesn't like you, she's just being nice to you... She doesn't like you, she's just being nice to you," over and over. This is so I won't catch myself being a fool later on, and it's something I've become very good at. Trust me when I say I don't give myself credit when credit might not be due.View Thread
I've already vented about how I was stood up by that girl and didn't like it, and much of the reason I didn't like it was because I've had almost no social life for a long time now. Many of my family and friends are far away, among a few different countries, and lately I can barely get ahold of any of them. I had a local death in the family, and while I still have a lot of family left around here, they're hardly available either. Some of them will be moving far away too. I had a good friend here of almost a decade, and his own circle of people, but over the last couple years I got bored with him, as well as very angry. When he tried to hurt me over something petty, I didn't let him, and I made very clear he wouldn't see me again, and that he wasn't welcome to contact me or anybody I care about (there's no going back on this, don't suggest I try and patch it up).
Otherwise, a few local ventures that might've helped me socially fell through not so long ago, and being stood up was the least of them, and any excitement I'd had has gone almost dead. Traveling is great, and I hope to as soon as possible, but it doesn't solve the local problem. Nothing else I'm looking into is promising so far. I have an answer for everything, so I'm not asking for suggestions, I'm only venting like I was before.View Thread
To clarify, when I said I have an answer for everything, I meant I've already considered what most people suggest. I didn't mean I have absolutely all the answers. Before I move on, despite what you suggested, there are plenty of people around me who care, even if not that close distance-wise, who would come to my aid if I were in the hospital, as it's indeed happened before. I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I feel angry.
Anyway, maybe you're right that she somehow found me arrogant, and that's why she didn't show, but I have to tell you that's the reason I hate to hear the most. How many people who are arrogant/conceited/stuck-up have so much more trouble getting girlfriends or friends in general? I really don't think there's much of a correlation.
Getting to my point, so many people have told me that maybe something on my inside is what repelled someone on the outside. I've heard this for years and it angers me every time. Yes, I do have this side that you describe, but I have other sides as well, and if women are so psychic, then how come so many of them are complaining about how horrible their boyfriends are, or being beaten to a pulp? How could that arrogant side of me repel so many women, and the negative qualities those other men have, whether it's laziness, or apathy, or violence, not repel them? Every time I hear how maybe it was something inside that might've repelled a woman, I always feel like I'm toxic to people, that I can't walk around in public without every single person seeing what I am, and knowing they wouldn't want much at all, if anything, to do with me. What the hell can I do about that?
Yes, I can be arrogant, as I know what I'm good at, and I've come to believe the best way to motivate certain people into doing something important is to get in their face and scare them. However, I'm not a hothead, I don't do that very much, very rarely. I'm also very playful, which my little nephew loves, and lately I've been sitting with some relatives from afar, laughing about over a decade of our practical jokes, some very elaborate. If you want to know how most people would describe me, it's as a very calm person. Since I don't socialize much, not one of them would think of me as arrogant, I'm very sure, they don't really know me.
As to the relative who died, the phone worked both ways the last years of her life, the way it still does. I was a medical burden once myself, and I knew what I was, and instead of killing myself to end the whole thing, I decided to see if I could live through it. Her case was different though, as her time had come, and I've got really good memories of her, but those times had passed, and I honestly was finding her boring, and with her not making much effort to keep in touch either, I focused on the rest of my life. I loved her, may she rest in peace, we had some wonderful memories, even when I didn't know that much about her.
I was a pallbearer at the funeral, only to find out the next day that the ex-friend I mentioned above had something vindictive in mind against me, which he didn't succeed in because he was in the wrong league (don't ask, it doesn't matter), should've stuck to pushing a pencil, which he's probably doing now.View Thread
I wish I knew what I could get out of a community about this. I posted this discussion because as you say, it's more relatable than what I usually post about.
Well, with this relative, I knew it was her time to go, and I really hadn't seen her for years. She'd become a burden in recent years, and I'd really lost interest. I didn't realize she'd lived a much more exciting life than either she or anyone else had ever told me about though. She seemed purely practical, like the type who sits at the same desk for 100 years, always on time, and then retires, and while she was very much like that, she'd apparently made a lot of time for adventure too.
Where I've had the adventure my entire life, I'm the opposite, where I show up late to my job every day, do the job my own way, and get defensive when someone tells me to do it differently, which is a very rare thing because they respect me as one of their best anyway. That's all anathema to her generation though, like buying a sports car the way I did would be considered "not thinking about the future" to them, but the retired life I'm supposed to save for doesn't seem like much of a life to me.View Thread
Well, that's why I thought this girl was interested, even if I wasn't. She learned things like this about me as we talked here and there, asked if I had a girlfriend, I said I didn't and was unsure about whether I wanted one, and eventually she suggested we meet in person, so we set a date, I showed up, she didn't because she said she totally forgot. That's why I wrote that she must not've found me truly interesting if she just forgot a meeting she suggested in the first place.
Otherwise, I agree about day to day, and much of the time I have to go minute by minute, if I really need to relax. I know that living this life is much easier than living life as a spy, as one of those relatives I mentioned ended up committing suicide in the 70s.View Thread