How do you know I'm not writing this during my own overtime?
Well, over the past several months now I've spent some time between two different countries, one where I used to live, where I visited people and places I hadn't seen in so long. I met some new people too, as planned. I wasn't as fluent in the language(s) as I used to be, but I can't remember anyone I came across who wasn't friendly/helpful. Much of it has literally been planes, trains, automobiles, and then my own feet, with sometimes very little sleeping, and then leaving curtains open to enjoy the spectacular view, bubbles/oils/candles for bathwater it takes me minutes to sink to the bottom of, going to the coast when I see it's a perfect weather day and having too many choices where to eat/shop/play along the beach, then after losing myself during the long way back having just the right amount of choices in my minibar and on my room service menu, remembering I need to write that idea down for the layout of my book before I forget it, eating messy leftovers with my fingers because it's 2 a.m. and now there's nowhere I can really get utensils, while watching a movie I hadn't seen that becomes a new favorite of mine...
PS: I do actually have the weekend off, but I often work overtime. In our line of work we'd be highly disciplined or fired for having something like a smartphone or laptop on the job though.View Thread
There's violence in my own neighborhood now, where my street is now on the border of a few square blocks that have been cordoned off by the police because of a man involved with a chase and then a violent carjacking. They've all been out there for hours, probably focusing on cleanup of the wreckage at this point, from the pileup of wrecked cars at the intersection. This is all as far as I can tell, anyway.
I've never given much thought to marriage and children, but sometimes I wonder what it might be like to have a daughter, a little girl, and now I have to wonder if one of those children killed in CT were my little girl, and with everything else I've endured so far in life, that might have to be the end of me. That might keep me from recovery, like a point of no return.View Thread
About a decade ago I told my father he'd not be seeing me again. That was around this time of year. He got self-righteous but I haven't looked back.
After I'd tried to kill myself months before then, he was hundreds of miles away during my long recovery in the hospital. I did hear from him, but through his lawyer, about an unrelated matter, where he no longer wanted to pay money that he owed for my education. Maybe you won't be surprised, but when I got out of the hospital, I was looking forward to seeing him the way I usually did that time of year.
I was unemployed at the time, but he had me pay my own way (I can't remember how I did it) to travel those hundreds of miles to see him, where my stepmother was waiting to tell me she didn't think I'd really been ready to kill myself. After leaving that visit I did try once more, several months later, after which I told him we were parting ways.
I once had a dream that my stepmother resembled porn star Shy Luv, about as far from her as you can get, but funnily enough she wasn't even acting sexually in the dream, she was just a much nicer person. She and my father spent years teaching me, and I wasn't the only one, why I shouldn't expect anyone to like me, but I can tell you for sure that what they've been doing all this time is sitting at their dinner table, without friends, talking about how everyone else is worse than they are.
Even with people they did call friends, they rarely had anything to say behind their backs that wasn't completely condescending, especially that none of them had made anything of their lives. I liked those friends of theirs the most, and having drinks with their cousin Gloria from time to time, whom they couldn't say had made nothing of her life because she was Gloria Estefan, and I wish I could've seen more of her, but I had to get and stay the hell out of my father and stepmother's sphere of influence.
This is starting to feel like a very difficult time of year for me, but anyone with any kind of sense does get himself out of an abusive situation like that as long ago as I did, so it's at least one point I can give myself, and maybe you can give yourself.View Thread
The world will always be both what it is and has been. It's easy for me to be objective here, but for every school where there's a shooting, there are millions where there hasn't been, and for every irresponsible gun owner, there are millions of responsible ones. Not too many people seem to focus on that, but that's also not what the survivors (not victims) of the tragedy need to focus on now for sure. I can only imagine the trauma they must have gone and will continue to go through.
I have a mental-emotional disorder myself. One Harvard doctor, who was really full of bull, said years ago that it was Asperger's, like the shooter here had. The disorder, which I was forced to figure out myself a year or so later because of so many of these ignorant diagnoses, was bipolar II. I have nothing to hide if someone asked me, but I don't advertise it because then people might assume, especially at a time like this, that if they don't walk on eggshells around me I might shoot up the place.
Guns generally scare the hell out of me, though I can tell you I have stood with my legs slightly apart staring down the range at the laser point coming from the tiny grip-mounted LAM (I don't like LAMs) of a coworker's Beretta 92F automatic, for a day of responsible education.
In conclusion, I don't know what could've been done for that kid, but for every person with a mental illness who goes and does something senseless like this, there are millions who are non-violent and high-functioning, with healthy respect for the way firearms can snuff out life in an instant, contributing to society.View Thread
I hope you're well since when you posted. I'd replied to let you know that when you'd shared your frustrations, they hadn't gone unacknowledged, and over the past few days now that's been even more true.View Thread
I wanted to let you know I've remembered the kind of support you gave when I was feeling angry the way I was back in July or August. I was using a different handle then, and I did actually reply to one of your posts with how much I admired you for the support you were giving me, and your personal convictions. My own are a bit different, and while I wouldn't be here without having had a down, I've really enjoyed how I've made the past several months for myself. I'd like if I was able to offer something you could use on whatever future threads you might post.View Thread
I've looked over the past several posts on this thread, and I can tell this person was self-righteous, but also vulnerable, and genuinely seeking help. I was the one who'd posted them all those months ago, though I'm using a different name now because I'd destroyed that account.
I've changed my life a lot since then, though I still have similar issues with sadness and anger, so I've come back for a short visit. I've probably contributed, hopefully helpfully, to other people's threads now more than my own.
You're right in that I'm not ready to settle down, and my change in lifestyle has been as enjoyable as I thought it would be. I'm still curious/nostalgic about opportunities I may've lost though, which is what had brought me back here. Sex itself is wonderful, but sex with someone I could care about and have chemistry with also still sounds interesting, and I feel much more confident now.
I noticed you seem a friend of Kloudnine, which I won't say I'm surprised about, but while she was very supportive, which I've remembered her for over these months, your remark had to've been either humorous or a jab. If you don't have respect for me in what I write, I want you to stay off my threads.View Thread
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