To both your replies: I don't often chase medication with liquor (Moscow Mule heavier on the vodka this past time, though I did keep a Scotch myself once for several months), and you might be right about the rare times when I do. There's really no way to tell.
I've tried meditation and yoga when I was playing music professionally, but that became such a difficult time in my life that I ended up anxious thinking about either. That's not to say I don't look for progressive muscle relaxation audio on YouTube or similar, and relax with that here and there. It's a matter of readjusting my mind over time so that I won't see either with anxiety.
A sure thing for my getting to sleep is sexual activity, at least it used to be. This doesn't mean I won't wake up soon after though, and for as long as I can remember, I'll wake up around 2 a.m. on any given night feeling intensely aroused. Probably biological, I've never bothered to look into it, but in that department I'd rather have the energy anyway than fall asleep.
I've never considered sophrology because I hadn't heard of it, couldn't even find the word in my dictionary. I've googled it though, found a lot, so now it's something to consider.
As far as rehearsing, it's something I've learned to do well, even before my last career path mentioned above, so it's hardly out of the question. I am noticing just how many anxious teeth/mouth habits I do have though, my jaw probably lopsided by now, but one thing at a time.View Thread
You've got this planned rather well already, as far as what to do in what situation, so go with that.
Still, I'd think it was silly myself. I knew a girl I'd make plans with, but she blew me off for a controlling man (several states over, no less), which is what this woman seems to be doing with you. I knew another girl who blew off plans with me for a drug habit, but that's getting beside the point, which is if people aren't going to make time for me, even those I've known for a long time, I'm going to get discouraged about giving gifts. Gifts really mean something between two people.
I used to laugh, very admiringly, at when a woman I cared about admonished someone else for writing Christmas cards to everyone in the office because it was "the right thing to do." She'd seemed to feel that strongly on the subject, and if for no other reason, I agreed with her because of how much effort that would take that could be spent on something more useful.
Again though, you already have a good plan that covers all the possibilities, and I'd likely go with that myself.View Thread
"So, tell him to do something to change his situation or to stop bending your ear with it." Makes sense to me, actually beautiful in its simplicity, thank you. I'm glad to hear there's less whining in the world too.
I'm seeing him a bit this weekend, and since I'm killing this no-sleep binge I've been on over the week (not without already trying all week), I'll likely be able to impart this to him without grinding the enamel right off my teeth.View Thread
"Or perhaps that is your way of ensuring you never find anyone?"
Anything's possible. I left out that I did try to reestablish contact sometime after that, to give her a chance like you said, and I didn't hear back. Going over hundreds of reasons why someone didn't do something has become tiring for me, and angering. Making a clean break is my way of trying to reduce some of the anger in my life, and I learned something about myself yesterday.
For worse or for better, I can be a very functioning insomniac. Earlier this week I tried an evening dose of my medication (supposedly sedative), three Xanax, and a shot of hard liquor, and I still couldn't get to sleep. I took today off work because I've gotten less than 16 hours sleep in over 96, and I've learned where to draw the line. When I get to that point, I have trouble controlling my anger. I don't take it out on people though, as I don't want that reputation.
This isn't a problem for me all the time, but what I'm trying to say is there's only so much I can put myself through. At that point, I'd been through 12 years of rejection, and a lot of anger as a result, so dealing with whatever was up with her may've ended up in only adding fuel to the fire. Up to when I never heard back, I'd had a lot of guts knowing her the way I did, and I drew the line.
I'm not good at this, and not the best person to help this relative I wrote about, but unlike what DfromSpencer wrote, I'm not desperate.View Thread
A relative seems to do way too much with his girlfriend and her family, like spend weekends with horrible people, that he really doesn't want to. I'd actually like to know the family more, but I remember once the night before he was headed to one of the most violent parts of the world, there was a get-together for him, and because her family was getting anxious about the time, he ditched me. He later called and told me nobody there was mad at me. I kicked the "wet floor" sign clear across a corridor where I work and asked him what the hell they could be mad at me for. Mad at me for being ditched? Not that I was too worried he wouldn't, but he did get back safely.
He goes to see her a lot, and never tells me even when we have plans. I can always tell when he's going, and still he always beats around the bush. He says he's satisfied, but for one, he's fascinated with my own sex life, always asking if I've made plans for call girls before I travel, and after I get back how that went. According to him I had more sex in one weekend than he does in a typical month, and I hope if I ever had a girlfriend myself, I wouldn't be so fascinated with someone else's sex life. I'm uncomfortable answering some of these questions after a while. His girlfriend did cheat on him once, but I don't know what that was about. He stupidly tried to rationalize it, and I did call him a wimp for that, and unfortunately, I believe he thinks if they split up, then he has no other options. I don't want him to snap, like sometimes I think he might after more of this, but I really think he needs to get mad.
My aggression has its own misery, but it wards off other kinds of misery. I may not believe I could have a girlfriend, but at the same time, unlike him, I don't believe in being jerked around, and I won't jerk myself around. A tall leggy blonde I briefly knew offered me her number once, asking if I would keep in touch because she thought I was a really cool guy. I was excited, thinking she was cool too, and called her at some point. She seemed excited to hear from me, told me she'd call me back on a certain day, and didn't. No matter how excited I'd been, and disappointed I was, I didn't call again because there's no way I was up for playing games. For him, I don't believe his current girlfriend is the only option, and that there are probably a few women in his circle who'd be glad to go out with him.
He asked me to bail him out the other night, as her plans he'd gone along with left him without food, so I pulled up and then bought him dinner. There's also the job he hates with the people he can't stand, and the health issues I don't think he's putting much effort into, but in short, I'm tired of all his negative tirades, none of which end in him putting his foot down. I'm not a good listener, not after a certain point anyway, and he'll get upset with me for telling him how badly I think he's handling all this. I've tried encouragement though and I've offered help, which doesn't work as usual, on anybody, so I'm done with that. It's Christmas time for God's sake, but I feel the only thing I can do for both of us is lay out. Why can't he do anything better for himself and why does he just want to complain all the time?View Thread
I was born with the cord wrapped round my neck, a sign of problems to come I guess, including a suicide attempt 20 years later (8 years ago, though not with strangulation).
Actions speak louder than words, which is why I'll narrow down my mother, and throw in various family dogs/pets, that have helped me with what this thread talks about. With a lot of others, they sound like they're quoting from after school specials to try and convince me of that, and so any of their sincere efforts are completely lost on me. I've heard the cliches before, and unfortunately I'm smart enough to have my intelligence insulted real easily.
My struggles then involve how if all many people have are a bunch of canned one-size-fits-all lines, why would I believe they're telling me the truth? Because I knew how much a young relative of mine loved something in particular, I had it gift-boxed and sent out to him. He received it out of the blue, and I got an email almost instantly (maybe his mother told him to, but maybe not).
A gesture like this doesn't have to be material, but it's something that let's someone know not only that they're thinking of you, but that they've taken an interest in who you are and what you like. A woman I mentioned in another thread, whom I lost a few years ago, made gestures like that, which is why I felt so determined to try and find her again, and so down when it became a lost cause and I couldn't. She's one of the last I can think of in these past few years who reached out that way, where I found myself feeling more of what this thread talks about, and that was so much more difficult then than it would be now.View Thread
PS: It's not so much wanting a girlfriend, which I'm very sure my lifestyle can't accommodate these days. It's that it would be nice to've been considered as someone good enough over the past 15 years.
Trying to reach out to those women was about my wanting to get some confirmation on that. I can enjoy my life with the job I love, and the independence, and the money, and the travels, and the sex, but having no confirmation over 15 years that any girl/woman ever really liked me is such a powerful ego/self-esteem buster. I thought maybe either of those women could tell me I was wrong.
You say this behavior is recent for him, rather than when you married 42 years ago, including blaming his childhood for how he acts now at 73. I already don't like him. I knew a man who was 53, and constantly complained of the same thing, his abusive childhood supposedly made him that way. This was when I was a kid, and we kicked him out for lack of any effort to be a man. It's all bull though.
I'm 28 and I had an abusive/complicated childhood myself, but hiding behind it would make me a loser. Hiding behind my bipolar II disorder as well, saying I can't do X, Y, and Z because of it, would also make me a loser. Because of the latter, I've also wished I were dead in the past, so I can empathize.
I'm afraid you're stuck until you decide you're somehow not stuck after all. You said you're thin, in rather good health, and working out, and I don't know what you mean when you say you don't have any means to better yourself. Nobody should expect me to keep them around if they talk to me the way you're describing, and this is the 21st century, so find another way to get some fun out of life.View Thread
I'm good at giving up and walking away because for most of my life, I've had only myself to solve my own problems, and help myself feel better. I couldn't trust the people I needed to trust for most of my life, so I don't know how to give someone else credit for possibly being reasonable and open to working something out.
What has worked for me in the past is making threats, and following through on them. When I first lived with my landlord/friend, he really rubbed me the wrong way until I wasn't willing to take anymore. I told him I was considering moving out, he told me I was free to and that he was sorry, and then I did move out.
After several months however, he asked me to come back, I agreed to, and we had an amicable reunion. That was around a year ago. We never talked it over however, he just seemed to have gotten and was really affected by my point. Since then, we've had no issues about living together (my issues with him are separate now) because I feel he'd been put in his place.
This is only one example, and a tame one, of my non-communicative style, for your comments.View Thread
I had one woman in particular possibly interested in me, I couldn't say for certain, and she was married. She and I used to talk for hours over instant message, the discussions rather intimate, and she eventually asked me to travel with her to Asia, a winking emoticon included. She also mentioned she'd be traveling with her job at some point, and that she'd be in my area...
I was dealing with health problems at the time, too self-obsessed to notice what may've been her asking me to make a move after a long enough time of knowing one another. Would I have gone through with what seems like an affair in retrospect. Probably! The thought of an affair has been exciting to me since I was very young.
Then there's reality however. If I were to think about carrying on with a married woman, I'd also have to look at my male coworkers, as one example, asking myself hypothetically, "What if he was her husband?" I've tried this before, not with any woman in the picture though, and I've felt guilt, knowing that looking that person in the eye would be excruciating for me.
If I were to go through with something like that though, I'd rather be the object of an exciting affair than the guy who's been ditched for being boring.View Thread